There's this thing that has been happening lately which has crawled under my skin, festered, and now has me contemplating acting like a complete jerk--I've been getting grief for unfollowing people on twitter. Here's the thing, if you tweet something like "I knew @burghbaby was too much of a *redacted* to follow anyone who isn't super popular," you're kind of validating my decision to hit that button. (Yes. That happened. Really.) Bear with me while I rant a bit . . .
My approach to twitter is very simple--I follow people who talk to me and who use twitter in a way that is compatible with how I use it. That's to say, I don't think there is a right or wrong way to use twitter, but I do think there are ways that don't work for me, so I do what I can to keep incompatible things out of my twitter universe. If I unfollow someone, it's just that we don't use twitter in the same way. I may very well really like that person when face-to-face, I just see twitter differently than they do. Examples:
1. The Never-Ending Whine Fest. You are absolutely entitled to use twitter as a way to vent about all of the things that annoy you all day long. However, if your daily routine is to post that your car is gross, your mom won't leave you alone, your boss is a jerk, your hair is ugly, and the weather is too hot/cold/wet/dry/windy/cloudy/snowy/rainy/whatever, and you don't make me laugh even once while throwing your daily Whine Fest, UNFOLLOW.
2. Political Ranting. I don't mind a good, succinct, political opinion once in a while (@awrightbrian does this well). I do mind when people try to hold long, condescending political debates via twitter. I don't care if you pray to the church of Palin or if you think Obama is the greatest thing since sliced bread, it doesn't work with my way of using twitter. I always think that political debates on twitter are like political debates in a bar. You just know that at the exact moment the music dies down and the bar falls silent, you'll be caught yelling, "ANYBODY WHO GETS AN ABORTION DESERVES TO BE SHOT BY A FIRING SQUAD." Whether that's your opinion or not, context is needed to keep you from sounding like a douchebag. 140 characters doesn't leave room for context.
3. Nothing Original. If your every tweet is a retweet or link to something somebody else wrote, UNFOLLOW. If that content is so vital, I bet I'll find it without your help. (P.S. @twitcleaner is a great tool for quickly identifying accounts that do nothing but post unoriginal content.)
4. It's All About MEEEEE. Look, twitter is narcissistic by nature, but it is possible to notice that other people exist in this world. If you post links to your own blog over and over and over again, UNFOLLOW. If you post things like, "OMG! Look how awful my hair looks! I hope my fabulous-expensive-wouldn't-touch-your-hair-for-all-the-money-in-the-world hairdresser can fix it! SO EMBARRASSING!" along with a picture of your so-called embarrassing hair over and over and over, UNFOLLOW. You're free to throw your MEEEEEE Party, but I don't really want to attend.
5. Do As I Say. There's this thing that some parents do that makes my skin crawl. They repeatedly complain via twitter about how horrible/annoying/misbehaving/etc. their kids are, but between all of those complaints about how their kids are the spawn of Satan, they tell everybody else how to be a good parent. For example, if you tweet, "If this kid doesn't shut up soon, I'm going to shoot myself," and then reply to me saying Alexis is attempting to break the world record for most words formed out of one breath of oxygen with "I just use the Quiet Game and my kids are great!" UNFOLLOW. You can go ahead and use twitter as your means of getting sympathy from the world as you prove how smart you are, but I don't have to read it.
6. Drama Monger. There are people who loooooove to cause drama. They live for pointing out weaknesses, faults, mistakes, etc. They like to prove their superiority by cutting others down. That's fine, but I don't want to read it. Interestingly enough, it's the people who are Drama Mongers who are most likely to call someone out for unfollowing. It's a little, "Look! That person is a jerk! Poor me!" move, and I hate it. UNFOLLOW.
7. #Winner Is The New Loser. The horse is dead. Very dead. It's OK to stop beating it now. All of that is to say, OMG! ENOUGH WITH THE SHEEN TWEETS! I can't handle any more idolizing or laughing or enjoying of that whole dumb show, so UNFOLLOW. You go ahead and keep living last week's news, but I'm ready to move on. That's really hard to do when every other tweet in my stream is about him, y'know?
Like I said, I don't care if people want to use twitter in all of those ways, but I don't have to be there to see it. It's not that I don't like you, it's that we don't use twitter in the same way. Promise.
When the resident five-year old presents you with a picture of "tiger's blood," you can't unfollow her, but you can be SUPER ANNOYED.
burghbaby