Nearly two weeks later, I still haven't written the post that I need to write. And here I am not doing it again because it's easier that way. It's easier to lock the memories in a box, shove it to the back of the highest shelf of an unused closet, and just do my best to move on.
It's ridiculous to hide from your own story, but that's what I'm doing. At least for now.
It's even more complicated than that, though. Everything I put in this space right now comes with an extra dose of complication and stress. That's what happens when you are actively sending out resumes and know a Google search of your full name can potentially land in this not-fit-for-the-corporate-world space. It's a bit of a journey to land here with that search, but it's possible. I've never felt the need to throw additional roadblocks into that path, but I've never had to worry about total strangers who are evaluating the quality of my character finding words not intended for their quest.
Like I said--It's complicated.
But I am going to write that post and that post and most especially THAT post. They need to be written. Even through my fog of self-preservation, I've noticed the trend. Since I hit publish on the only post I've ever regretted posting, I've received email after email and DM after DM and a few dozen emails on top of that. Each and every one of the messages filled with kindness have been littered with a heavy dose of "you're not alone."
My story is your story.
Except, when you tell your story, you sometimes say things like, "I didn't want to say this where others would see it."
I get that. Obviously. I totally and completely get that.
And yet, SCREW THAT. There is no reason to be ashamed of your story. There is no reason to talk about miscarriages in whispered voices and behind locked doors and only through the safety of a private email.
Seriously. SCREW. THAT. NOISE.
I need to get through this fog and I need to let a little time pass, but I will write those posts.
I promise.
(Thank you to everyone who has sent words of encouragement. I'm sorry that I haven't been replying, but I've been putting self-preservation ahead of good manners recently. I hope you'll understand.)