The call came at 3:09pm. I didn't even have to look at my cell phone to know it was going to be bad news. Preschool has its own unique ringtone. While others may hear a cheery tune when it plays, I hear something like the Jaws theme.
The news wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting, but when I heard the word, "coughing," I immediately said I'd be right there to get Alexis. "Coughing" is pretty much the worst word anyone can use to describe Alexis' condition. Tell me she has a fever and I'm all sorts of -meh.- She can be achy and miserable and I'm all sorts of -meh.- But, coughing? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know why she hates to cough so much, I just know that one little tickle in the back of her throat and BAM! The kid starts freaking out. The whining! The moaning! The drama!
Once I had Alexis in the car, I began to assess the situation. No fever. No chills. No aches. Just a minor little cough. Except, if it was her tale to tell, she had a "terrible cough" and was quite possibly going to die. Waaaaaaaaah! I began offering her Luden's as if they were candy (which, frankly, they are), telling her that they were medicine that would help her cough go away.
As is always the way with a well-delivered placebo, it worked. Her cough calmed down. But then just as we began to near our house, the tickle started to creep up her throat again. I heard Alexis start to fret, so I tried to distract her.
"Hey, so what did you have for lunch?" I asked.
"Momma, I can't stop coughing," she whined.
"Do you want to watch Dancing with the Stars tonight?" I offered. I had recorded it THANK GOODNESS.
*cough* *cough* "Momma, I don't feeeeel gooood," she replied.
I could sense that she was starting to panic. Heck, I was starting to panic.
"Hey, so, should we invite the High School Musical kids to your birthday party, or would you rather go on a date with the Jonas Brothers?" I was willing to do anything to prevent what I knew came next. You see, Alexis is a Pittsburgher in training. She is learning to panic about the simplest of things. Since she can't rush out to buy toilet paper and milk when there's a 10% chance of snow in the forecast, she focuses on something that she can do.
You guys, when Alexis starts to panic about being sick, she can make herself sick. On command. I fully expect to some day see her on an episode of America's Top Model training wanna-be models methods of bulimia because the girl can make herself puke if she tries for even half a second. Just like Pittsburghers are convinced one snowflake is the beginning of the apocalypse, Alexis is convinced that one cough is the beginning of a puke festival.
Except, she really can make it happen.
All over the back of my car.
Peas. That was the answer to my question. She had peas for lunch.
