The title pretty much explains it all. Here are ten things I no longer need to hear.
1. LOL. Just stop with the LOL. You and I both know your face has the same bored expression it had before you read that sentence. Your mom now says LOL in text messages, so it's way beyond the point of being cool to say.
2. Complaining about people breastfeeding in public. Seriously, how is that still a thing? If it isn't your boob, don't look at it. If you don't like not looking at it, too bad. See also: it's not your boob.
3. Kardashian anything. I DON'T CARE.
4. Fake British accents. Thank goodness Madonna ditched hers because I can't handle them.
5. "Nadya Suleman needs to get a job." You guys, really? REALLY? Why do people say that? There are two issues here. The first is a simple math problem. She has 14 kids. Let's say she gets one hell of a great deal on daycare and only pays $800 per month per kid. She would need to make $11,200 per month JUST TO COVER DAYCARE. There are jobs that pay that much, but unless she gets an advanced degree or terribly lucky, those jobs pretty much require taking off your clothes.
The second issue is that I wonder when it became OK to say that a particular woman shouldn't have the right to choose to stay home with her kids. I have plenty of friends who don't work who are dealing with crazy tight budgets and/or who receive public assistance. It has never once occurred to me to tell one of them to get a job. They made a choice and it's a perfectly reasonable choice.
(Don't start with the "she should have thought about how she would pay for everything before she had kids." It's a moot point now. The kids are here. It's done. Besides, wealth has never been a prerequisite for being a parent and it shouldn't be one now.) (Really, the dumbass who implanted all of those embryos should have to pay child support.)
6. "Why?" I would like to ban that one-word question from the English language, please and thank you. The answer is BECAUSE I SAID SO JUST SHOOSH, CHILD. It always will be.
7. "There's a tick on Penny." OK, so I'm the one who keeps saying it. Three times in two weeks, thank you very much. I'D LIKE TO NEVER SAY IT AGAIN.
8. Jay Leno's voice. I can't for the life of me figure out how he's still a thing.
9. Political ads. Need I say more?
10. Anything that has to do with THAT Time cover. I'm over it. Can we please move on?