Alexis sat at the desk, her hands poised over the computer keyboard. "Momma, can you show me how to make a blog?" she asked.
I choked down the OH HELL NO by replying, "I don't know how." That, of course, got me absolutely nowhere with She Who Knows Too Much. She whined and she pushed and she fussed that she needed help. I think the idea originated from an episode of Monster High, but I can't be sure. All I know is OH HELL NO.
"What would you write about if you had a blog?" I finally asked. I was hoping to convince her that a journal was the way to go, but I needn't have worried because she was moments away from a complete meltdown.
"Hmmm..." she tapped her chin as she thought, thereby proving she is the most adorable kid ever. The adorable fell from her face as she pondered, though. In it's place came tears. Lots and lots of tears.
"Momma, what if the kids at school find my blog and read it and make fun of me?" she began to wail.
"Then don't have a blog," I replied. These things ARE that simple, internet. If you don't want people to make fun of you for your words, DON'T PUT THEM OUT THERE. Alexis didn't seem to think it was that simple, though. She continued to sob and cry and throw a fit.
"But, Momma! What if nobody reads my blog!" she added. Hey, you know what makes sense? Having a meltdown because people might read your words and then continuing your meltdown because people might not read your words.
I spent the rest of the night trying to negotiate with the confused human who didn't seem to be able to find her way to the very simple solution -- just don't have a blog, kid. Logic and reasoning didn't get me anywhere, so eventually I turned to The Mean Mom.
"You know what, Alexis?" I said. "It doesn't matter if you want one or not because you aren't old enough. You have to be 15 to have a blog. Those are the rules," I told her.
Shut up. It's not a lie. It's the new rule in our house effective that moment I thought to say the words.
That seemed to resolve the issue, at least for the time being. Or, that's what I thought until the following morning when Alexis showed me something she had written. "Momma, I started a blog but I'm going to keep it in this notebook until I'm old enough."
Her first "blog post" was a fantastic one. I might even ask her if I can share it here, but if anyone makes fun of her, they'll have me to answer to.
