My children would like for you to gather round. Make yourself comfortable for they have a story to tell. It's a story of an evil mother and all of her evil ways and how those evil ways are ruining their lives OMG.
Mila wants to go first.
As Mila is describing all of the ways that I'm a terrible, no-good human, she's going to have to admit to something - I took her shopping this weekend. When the forecast called for rain and chill, I took a left turn at Albuquerque and declared it a "let's go to the mall!" sort of day. Both girls think the mall is almost as good as Disney World and it's even better when I'm willing to let them each get one thing.
That was the offer. One store. One item.
While Alexis was drunk on the possibilities, Mila was focused. She rocketed her way to the Disney Store and began rummaging through the racks. She was in that mood that preschoolers do so well - simultaneously ecstatic and ready to rip your head off. Giggling one minute and growling (literally ... she literally growled at me) the next. She should have been holding a sign that said, "Caution: Moody Preschooler Ahead."
Once she discounted all of the toys, she remembered that there are really fun swimsuits at the Disney Store. And OMG! the happy. So much happy dripped from her everything as she dug through the rack of swimsuits, carefully considering which one she should leave with.
Our first fight was over the purple swimsuit. I think it was a Villain thing or something. It doesn't really matter because the one Mila grabbed should fit her right around the time that she's old enough to drive. It would be too big for Alexis, for goodness sake, so I don't know why I was standing there arguing with a 4-year old about her wanting to buy a swimsuit that didn't fit. It REALLY didn't fit. Mila was cool with buying a swimsuit that she could lend to an elephant and I wasn't.
When we were done fighting about that, Mila moved on to another swimsuit. This time she was more reasonable in her choice, so she now has a super cute Aristocats swimsuit that she will probably never wear because ZOMG WHY DID I BUY THE KID A SWIMSUIT ON A DAY SHE COULDN'T SWIM?
Our pool isn't heated. By the time we got home that day, the water was a cool 65 degrees. That means we could have spent 20 minutes preparing to let Mila swim and then watching her dip one toe in before screeching and running away. I didn't want to, though. Alexis didn't want to either. And, well, no four-year old of mine gets to go swimming alone. So I became the Mayor of Nopelandia and just kept telling Mila she could swim another day.
She put the swimsuit on anyway. As you do.
And we fought.
And we fought.
And we fought.
Because what kind of mother refuses to let her kid get hypothermia? SHE WANTED HYPOTHERMIA, DAMMIT. I ruin all of her hopes and dreams.
Of course, it occurred to me to let her swim in the bathtub right around 10:30 pm when she was still awake and still pissed at me because I'm so evil. By then it was too late so whatever. She fell asleep in the swimsuit, which was good because my money says she will refuse to wear it ever again. This weekend when it's 90 degrees, I guarantee that kid will have zero interest in the pool.
And yet the girls say I'm the evil one. MMMHMMMMM.
