One of Mila's 235987235913 nicknames is "Gremlin" and there's a very good reason for that. She's all smiles and pleasantries during the day, but hide the fried chicken at night. The kid hates everyone after 8:30 pm.
Except me.
I could pretend that this is all a huge inconvenience, but it's not. I am generally around by 8:30, so it's really only inconvenient for other people. You know, like the husband, who was assigned Mila duty Friday night while Alexis and I went to the Maroon 5 concert.
I received the first "Stripe is trying to tie the dogs up again," text halfway through the opening act. It was accompanied by a photo of Mila that dripped of misery and pissery. She looked like she had spent 20 minutes searching for the matches only to discover that she wasn't going to be allowed to burn the house down.
Of course, I couldn't let the husband win the "I'm Dealing With the Most Miserable Kid" trophy for the night.
Photo by @3weaselsIt turns out that the other kid has very strong opinions about really bad music.
She mostly ignored the first act (who is a great singer, for what it's worth), but the second one had her all sorts of pissed off. It was Magic, otherwise known as that creepy guy who sings about how it's rude that some chick's dad won't let him marry her.
There's a reason that dad said "no," btw. It's because Magic's lead singer is gross. He's slimy-long-hair, shirt-unbuttoned-to-his-belly-button gross. He's the kind of gross that you see at a bar and turn around because he sweats date rape drugs. I mean, he might be a very lovely person, but I'm going to guess he's not. He's gross.
(See also: I am old. See also also: I am a mother. See also also also: I am an old mother.)
Alexis should probably follow her instincts about men forever and ever because she quickly decided Magic needed to shut up. She spent five minutes complaining to me about how they were creepy and then another five minutes telling me that their music is terrible.
Which it is.
Buuuuuut ... I'm not so sure she who listens to Bridgit Mendler on repeat all night long is really in a position to judge music. She was right about the "creepy" part, though.
The whole thing annoyed her so much that she sat in a chair and pouted. She pouted so hard her lip got stuck to the floor. Then she pouted some more, all the while complaining that she wanted to leave. Right that second. Before Maroon 5 came out.
I actually had to make the kid go for a walk with me for a few minutes so she would stop focusing on how mad she was that Magic sucks. She was taking it WAY too personally and letting it totally ruin her whole night. Which, STOP THAT. Only one of my children is allowed to hate everything at night and Mila's head and that crown are meant to be together.
Fortunately Maroon 5 eventually took the stage and was much better than Magic. Much, much better. There was a crazy fantastic dance party in our row, complete with Alexis doing the Cabbage Patch and every other class dance move you can imagine.
Photo by @3weasels
I'm not sure when the girls will officially declare themselves too cool to hang out with me in the evenings, but I'm glad it hasn't happened yet.