Dear Alexis,
By the time you read this, you'll already know this fun little fact, but I'll share it here just in case. I lose sleep over major decisions, struggling with them and weighing my options and thinking entirely too hard about them. But, once the decision is made, I let it go. I forgive myself if things don't go the way I had hoped. I do it because I believe that if I've given a decision all of my heart when making it, I owe it to myself to find my happy in the consequences.
I wasn't able to do that last year when it came to the decision about where you should go to school.
I second-guessed myself and regretted things and considered changing paths and generally continued to struggle long past the moment I first dropped you off in that lunchroom just over a year ago.
I have a feeling this year is going to be more of the same. We've changed course and moved you to a new school. I'm not sure how it will end. I'm working towards finding peace with it because IT'S DONE. I have no time machine to go back and change it. Letting go is hard, though.
Really hard.
It took me until that moment when your bus pulled away from the curb this morning to figure out why I'm still toiling over the decision. It's because you've reached an age where it's up to you.
You have to find your happy.
I may pick your school, but how you interact with teachers and classmates and your school work is 100% you. I can guide you, encourage you, and try to help you along the field of life when need be, but you have to do it on your own.
All I can do is pick the school and then yell encouraging words from the sidelines.
It's really a very minor decision to pick your school. But, really, it's one of the few I still have.
So, my dear, grab hold of this fresh start as tight as you can. Squeeze every last bit of happiness out of it, give it everything you've got, and I'll be right over here cheering you on.
Love,
The Lady Who Was Super Grateful That You Still Wanted Me To Walk You To The Bus Stop
P.S.
I know for a fact it was a Little Kid who I put on that bus this morning. So why the heck was it a Big Kid who I took out for dinner this evening? STOP GROWING UP SO FAST.