The only thing standing between this house and complete stinky, fuzzy chaos is me. I am the gatekeeper. I am Captain-Not-a-Chance. I am . . . The Pet Stopper.
If Mr. Husband had his way, we would have animals everywhere. There would be hamsters and dogs and guinea pigs and iguanas and cats and chameleons and porcupines and bunnies and THAT'S JUST THE STUFF HE'S ALREADY HAD. Really. At one point in time, the man had 13 pets. If I weren't a raging lunatic about keeping animals out of the house, he would go crazy with furry things. He would probably go so far as to find a pet monkey and then try to convince me that he got it for me. That's what he does.
Further complicating things is the fact that apparently this need to be surrounded by 4-legged creatures is genetic. Alexis has it, too. And BAD. Lately she has been begging for a bunny or a bird, which WTH? The kid has a bird phobia. Funnel cake is magical stuff, but there's no way a few pieces of it truly cured that phobia. Every time she begs me to buy her a pet bird, I feel like I need to yell, "SHENANIGANS!"
Despite my iron-clad resolve to keep creatures out of our house, the kitten thing happened. It really was only because I keep my promises. And maybe because I like cats. I mean, what's not to like? They come already housebroken and generally take care of themselves.
It really doesn't matter because once I pulled up the website for the Animal Rescue League, I was screwed. There is no way any human with a heart can say no to those little faces. It's nothing short of a miracle we made it out of there with just one kitten. And we very nearly didn't.
On the way home, however, dear little Ali reminded me that there are very good reasons for my extreme scrooge status. She started the ride in a box, but after listening to her cry her head off for 15 solid minutes, I let her out. I thought maybe if I held her and petted her, she would calm down.
She did.
She calmed down so much that she pooped on my lap. In the car. On a cold day when we couldn't really drive down the highway with the windows open.
And THAT is why I need to resume my role as The Pet Stopper.
