I've always thought "if" is a terribly weak word. It's not if you're going to do it. It's when you're going to do it. Positive thinking, and all of that, is what matters.
To quote William Jennings Bryan "Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not something to be waited for; it is something to be achieved."
"If" has no place in making destiny.
But then there came a day when I realized "If" had fallen out of my head. For years and years, I didn't use it. I didn't use "when" either. It just wasn't. Alexis was to be an only child and that was all there was to it. There were no ifs or buts or when. There was nothing.
And then there was less than nothing.
I still haven't brought back the "if." Which, that's kind of hysterical when you think about it. 22 weeks into what should probably be considered a "when" is likely WAY past the point of reasonable. But, sometimes the brain doesn't make sense when it thinks with the heart.
Which is all to say there's a reason I have done absolutely nothing to prepare for the if or when or whatever. There are no tiny clothes sitting in a closet. I sort of started looking at strollers for a millisecond, but then something shinier came along. I'm vaguely aware that there are other things we probably need to buy, but whatever. I can barely remember that there's an if or when or whatever on the way, let alone do something to prepare for it. The brain doesn't allow in that which is not possible. Or so it seems ...
It's funny the power the word "if" has. I wouldn't have ever known if I hadn't been forced to invite it back into my life.
(Adding to the hilarity of my refusal to accept the "when" into my life: the Tiny Human has been hosting a crazy kung fu dance party the entire time I was typing this. SUCH ATTITUDE. SO SOON.)