Like pretty much every 5-year old on the planet, Alexis is a hoarder. What's that? You're 5-year old isn't a hoarder? Well, just shut up. I like to think that all kids cling to every picture they've ever drawn as if they are as valuable as a Picasso. I also prefer to think that it's a phase because I cannot possibly survive the next 13 years with two hoarders in my house. I will wind up dead under a pile of notebooks and childhood toys.
Anyway, Little Miss Can't Part With Anything is REALLY partial to her toothbrush. Er, toothbrushes. Er, every toothbrush she has ever gotten because OMG! SHE STILL HAD THEM ALL! Every last one. All of them. Each and every one. I don't really know how it happened, but somehow the kid had managed to hide the fact that she was clinging to toothbrushes like they were made of diamonds and sapphires.
Early last week, Alexis thought it would be a grand idea to stare lovingly at her toothbrush collection and laid them all out in a row on the bathroom counter. I did a double-take or three, absolutely mesmerized by the fact that she had somehow accumulated 17 toothbrushes. I have no clue where she has been hiding them, but there they were. Some were so old that they should be paying rent at this point.
I, of course, wound up doing what anyone who lives in constant fear of showing up on a TLC show about hoarders would do, I waited until Alexis was busy telling a cat, "It's OK! It won't hurt if I put this little bow on your tail!" and snuck a couple of the oldest, most ragged toothbrushes and quickly stashed them in the trash can in my closet. While it's a walk-in closet and Alexis walks past it every day, she never actually goes in the closet. No way would she catch my secret Toothbrush Elimination Project in action.
You already know what's next. OF COURSE she smelled that a toothbrush was missing and found where I had put it immediately. She then proceeded to tell me that the two I had selected for disposal were her most precious toothbrushes ever and the Queen of England had blessed them and Hannah Montana had spit on them and they were made of unicorn tears and will turn into keys to the Emerald Castle in a few years and GAH! I have never heard someone gush about a couple of toothbrushes like she did.
Oh, by the way, the two I threw away? Yeah, they were freebies she got from the dentist. One was a plain orange toothbrush and the other was plain red. But! But! They are precious! And valuable! And loved!
And were staying in the trash.
Somehow I wound up going into negotiations with the Tiny Terrorist. She agreed to part with FIVE whole toothbrushes in exchange for getting one new one the next time we go to Target.
So, uh, could somebody do a Target run for me? It seems that I have screwed myself into not going there for a few years. I have to at least wait until I talk the kid into giving up another ten toothbrushes.
