If I were a writer for a reality TV show, I would want it to be a show about adopting a kitten. There are very few choices in life that carry as much risk for Major Drama as that one. In my estimation, you have a 70% chance of adopting one of Satan's spawn. Everybody has met a cat that spits venom and makes humans quake in fear of its evil, but even the worst of the worst started out cute and fuzzy.
Take, for example, my friend Barb's cat Collette. Collette was a long-haired demon beast who generally didn't care about humans, unless they happened to leave their ankles unprotected. Then she was likely to silently ninja attack the ankles by clawing, biting, and generally beating the crap out of you. Just when you figured out that she really was trying to kill you and you reached for a weapon, she would *poof* and disappear to some top secret hiding place that I could never find. Collette as a kitten was pretty much the cutest thing you ever did see, and then she went on to loudly profess her hatred for mankind for over 20 years, once again proving that evil never dies.
We've been pretty fortunate in the cat department. Prince didn't like Mr. Husband, but otherwise was friendly and well-behaved. (I might have paid him a ton of money to hate Mr. I Love All Animals.) Coal was super sweet. His only major annoying habit was that he was a litter flinger. Little dude believed in burying his crap DEEP, even if it took him all day to fling the litter all over the basement as he tried to dig a hole to China. And then there is Powder. Mostly Powder is a good cat, but he does have a touch of that Vengeful Assassin thing that a lot of cats have. Piss that cat off and he WILL get even by pissing right back. Literally. I spent an hour cleaning a laptop bag last week because apparently he is appalled by this thing where I am a working mother. His worst offense of all time involved an unauthorized by His Highness the Cat honeymoon for which he took his anger out on my wedding dress.
Oh, yes, he did.
We do not speak of that incident in detail because heads explode.
Anyway, I knew when we picked out Ali that there was a risk that she was only being cute and sweet to dupe us into adopting her. That's what they do, you know. Cats meow and purr and give you big sweet eyes in the shelter, but the second you bring them home, they start leaping from chandeliers, tearing furniture into a million pieces, and attacking every little thing that offends them. Considering cats think they're royalty, everything offends them.
And this is where I admit I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. People, Ali is good. Really good. So good that when I filled out a post-adoption survey from the shelter about her, I was forced to admit she doesn't have any really bad habits (SO FAR*KNOCKING ON WOOD*PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME REGRET SAYING THAT).
We have caught her clawing at the carpet a few times, but she was easily trained to go find one of the zillion cat scratchers we have scattered all over the house.
She does think she's allowed to jump up on the dining room table and steal food, but if you so much as glare at her, she runs for cover.
I'm not even going to mention the 23498657134 things she hasn't done so far because Karma will hunt me down and slap me silly if I go all jinxy jinx up in here.
Not only is the little striped beast good, she gets along with everybody in the house. She and Cody play for hours and hours and hours each and every day.
She and Meg are homies, albeit homies who are hard to photograph together.
And then there is Powder. I fully expected Powder to be all, "WTF is this thing? I should be the lone ruler of this house. TAKE IT BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM," when it came to Ali. But he's not. In fact, she somehow has managed to convince him to share his cat perch. Actually, it's not just his cat perch he's been sharing, he's been sharing His Spot. NO ONE touches his spot. NO ONE. Any time another cat has so much as glanced as his spot, he has hauled his fat butt up there and promptly whipped out every wrestling move he knows, which is quite the arsenal. I once saw Coal limp away from the tower after being on the losing end of a suplex and a piledriver.
And, yet, THERE SHE IS.
AND HE'S LETTING HER.
I swear that kitten shoots magical fairy dust out of her ass. It's the only explanation for how she has everyone liking her.
It's part of a trap, isn't it? I should just start sleeping with one eye open.