I think a sufficient amount of time has finally passed so that I can whine about this, AND WHINE I WILL.
Prepare yourself.
Three weeks ago, I finally had no choice but to show up for a dentists appointment. I had already cancelled two appointments because of legitimate scheduling conflicts, but the jig was up. It was time to say goodbye to two of my beloved wisdom teeth.
It was really very unfair that we didn't get to spend more time together. One of them had really never done anything to me. The other was crumbling apart, so it would have kicked itself to the curb eventually. But, alas, my dentist needed to pay for college tuition for his kid, so he ripped those suckers out right after he finished two root canals.
Oh, yes. All in one day. Two root canals and two wisdom teeth. THAT is how much I hate myself, apparently.
The thing is that it turned out to be a very good thing I did it all at once. I very barely survived those three hours in the dentist's chair so there's no way I would have gone back for another appointment.
The jerk dentist apparently ENJOYS ripping teeth out of people's faces because he kept smirking. When he disappeared for ten minutes, I was sure he was in the back room ordering the new car he was going to buy with the profits from torturing me.
My "favorite" moment of the appointment was when he tried to warn me about what was about to happen. "You might hear some weird noises," he told me.
"The hell I will," I replied as I slammed my earbuds in and cranked the volume on my iPod. "WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU."
The problem, however, is that it wasn't that you hear the weird noises with your ears when at the dentist. You hear them with your brain because the sound is coming from your brain. Nightmares, people. Nightmares.
For the record, the appointment did not come complete with happy drugs. "You can take Advil," he said. "If it gets really bad, you can call me," he continued.
I wanted to demand some percocet, but how do you do that? "I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL I HAVE PERCOCET!" At that point it would have come out as "OHM MM MMN MMMIM HH MM HHMM!" He probably would have interpreted that as "Go ahead and tip yourself 50%!"
So, the appointment sucked (UNDERSTATEMENT), my dentist is an evil man, and BY THE WAY, I TOTALLY WOUND UP WITH AN INFECTION.
And then a dry socket.
Everything that you're thinking right now is exactly right. It did suck in a very special sort of way that can't quite be expressed with words.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go make my kid brush her teeth about ten more times. Nobody should have to endure the torture that comes from tooth decay.
