There is plenty of evidence that Alexis is rapidly turning into me. As in, she didn't have to wait until she had kids of her own before she starting saying the things I say every day. Just ask her if you can eat a snack in the car. After she spent two hours cleaning it this weekend (...Without me asking, mind you. Clearly she's up to something.), she is now running around yelling, "Don't you dare spill a single drop of anything!" Which, hi, I say that a lot. "Don't you dare..." is sort of my blanket threat for all things.
ANYWAY.
Now there's Mila.
I work from home. After 2+ years of doing so, the odds of me ever permanently setting foot inside an office are hahahalolnope. There is a very long list of reasons why working remotely is The Absolute Best, but way low on the list is the fact that I can gather all the good things in life around my desk and nobody will ever know. Does that mean there is candy hidden in my desk? Absolutely. I have all of the best pens just sitting here, not being stolen. I also have lip balm within reach at all times.
How cool is that? I'm being serious. I don't have to bury it in my purse or a desk drawer or anything. I can just leave it sitting out! Like some sort of lip balm monster!
I even have the good stuff. Forget Chapstick, I invested in myself.
Forever ago.
I don't remember to buy those sorts of things, so I ran out of the good stuff something like two weeks ago. It was at that time that I learned that I am truly dependent on that little addiction. Rather than waiting until I remembered to buy more, I raided Mila's supply.
So, Santa delivers those ridiculous packages of Chapstick/lip balm/whatever every year at Christmas. The kid is ADDICTED to the stuff and goes through it as if it's the tastiest snack in all the land. Which, maybe it is? I don't know what she does with it. I just know that she absolutely can't be allowed near mine because she will destroy a little tube of the stuff in just a few days. Santa delivers something like a 20-pack, Mila hides it in her bedroom until it runs out around April or May, and all is well until the next Christmas.
It's REALLY not the good stuff. Usually it's scented or filled with glitter or obnoxious colors or all of the above. This year's supply was DEFINITELY all of the above, so when I went hunting for Mila's stash, I knew I would have to be selective. I rejected probably 5 or 6 tubes for either having LITERAL TEETH MARKS or being a color that would be detectable even during a Zoom meeting. I'm not over here trying to be the utmost of professionals, but I don't need lime green glitter on my mouth either, y'know? Eventually I settled on a light pink that would do the trick.
It was a solid week before I was busted for stealing Mila's lip balm. I don't know how she noticed it (the kid rarely enters my office and when she does, it's to deliver a ransom note and then run away). I was in the middle of a meeting when she glared, stomped over to the little tube of lip balm, put her hands on her hips, and said, "What is this?"
SO BUSTED.
I finished up my meeting and prepared to face some consequences. I tried to explain that I borrowed it, blah, blah, blah, somewhere in there I was reminded that -I- was not the one who bought it all, Santa was. And then. AND THEN.
"Mom. We do not take other people's things without their permission. YOU KNOW BETTER."
My goodness, she stole that exact line from me. How do you argue with yourself when you have suddenly morphed into a tiny blond 7-year old?