Sweet Dreams for One and All
While we were in Cleveland, I saw something that I haven't been able to get out of my head. Somewhere in the mall we visited, we came across some a store that sold custom-made dolls. Alexis LOVED the dolls. They were adorably life-like with cute little faces, realistic little bodies, charming little outfits, and came complete with an $89 price tag. For obvious reasons, we put the babies back in their beds and left empty-handed.
Over a week later, I find myself regretting that we didn't buy one of those dolls. I know, I need slapped. No two-year old needs an $89 doll, even if she does take really good care of her toys and almost never asks for things when we are in a store and she would treasure that doll for years and she has been pretty well-behaved lately and it could wear real baby clothes and they were all so cute and
FINE.
I want the doll.
There. I said it. I want the stupid $89 doll. However, we aren't about to jump in the car and drive two hours just to buy me a new doll. So, this morning I figured I would see if I could find them online. I asked Mr. Google for some custom made dolls and he showed me this:
Um, yeah. That's not exactly what I was looking for. Actually, that image kind of creeps me out. So I tried again and got this:
*shudders*
Clearly, we have a pattern on our hands. I knew there were a bunch of crazies living in the Internet and I knew there were doll crazies in this world, but I HAD NO IDEA the depths of loony the doll crazies could conjure if they found the Internet. I feel the need to share a few of the faces that will be haunting my dreams tonight. You're welcome.
These dolls aren't so bad, but those outfits are the stuff of nightmares. And maybe flashbacks, but I can't talk about that without my shrink in the room.
This one is 40 inches tall and I'm pretty sure she could kick my butt.
In fact, I'm pretty sure she knows how to use a puzzle piece as a ninja weapon of human destruction.
It looks like she already had her first victim:
You can tell me that all those scratches and bruises just make that thing look life-like, but I then get to tell you that you are wacked out. Dolls should not look like their faces were pulverized with a puzzle piece.
Nor should they have evil eyes that can bore holes in my soul.
While I'm pretty sure that doll is doing the devil's work, this one is just plain pissed off:
Her description claims that she is "lifelike and sweet." Um, yeah. Sweet. I must be confused as to the meaning of that word.
Speaking of pissed off dolls, check this one out:
You know what she's thinking? OK, nothing because she is a doll. But, if she were a kid? She would be thinking about how pissed off she is that someone took her picture while she had that doily on her head. That ain't nice.
This one isn't really all that bad:
But it's female counter-part sure is.
I swear on a big package of gummy worms, I have seen the grown-up human version of that doll working the night shift at Waffle House. However, I have never before seen a doll that looked like it smoked two packs a day.
This one is looking to heaven in hopes of having it's prayers heard. It's praying that the Harley chick drops her cigarette ash on that outfit and the whole thing goes up in a cloud of smoke.
At some point during my over-priced doll quest, I started to consider the idea of having a doll made that looks like Alexis. But then I saw this:
Say what you want, that is a 10 on the Creep-O-Meter if you ask me.
This one is about a 13 on the Creep-O-Meter:
Dolls should not look like they are straight out of somebody's va-jay-jay. Never.
I could keep going on for hours with all the scary stuff I found while trying to find a cute new doll that wouldn't give me nightmares, but I have a Penguins game to watch. So I'll leave you with this:
You are so very welcome.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Reader Comments (86)
Dude.
YIKES!!! Double yikes!
Ok so I can totally understand why one of my friends has a SERIOUS doll-phobia YIKES those suckers are CREEPY!!
I go into peoples houses for my job and let me tellya, nothing is quite as horrifying as a WHOLE SHELF of dolls like this.
Especially when they say "Oh, and you MUST take good care of MY BABIES".
I am so going to have nightmares tonight now.
Oh my gosh, it is looking straight at me. I can't get those eyes out of my head.
My sister-in-law has dolls all over her room and it freaks me out. I couldn't even imagine if they all looked like these dolls, scary.
Oh. My. God. What the hell is that? A Zombie baby? Holy crap. No child should have to see that. I have to go now because I can still see that doll as I'm writing this comment and it's making me want to cry.
OMW those are just too creepy for words!
Some of those are so very VERY disturbing!! The Girl, incidently, has a My Twinn doll and while some of my friends say it ranks up there on the creep-o-meter, I think it's cute. :)
holy cow!! some of those especially that last one gave me the serious hebie jebies!! yikes!!
Yeah, I read that before dinner.
I am no longer have an appetite.
I'm hoping my girl likes boy toys because I don't want to be surfing for that stuff any time soon.
Wow that is the stuff of nightmares.
That last one is missing her PRECIOUS!! Yess.. PRESHHHUSSSSSSSSS!!!
I will have nightmares after reading this post.
Thanks.
Thanks alot.
Creepy. I never liked dolls, and now I think I know why. Do you remember those dolls they had out when we were kids, that you could give a bottle and she would "pee"? For some reason, the thought of it is cracking me up. I blame stress. Oh, and have you seen those dolls that are standing with their heads against the wall, in "timeout"? What the heck is wrong with people?
Tis why I never liked the Chuckie movies!
Dude, see you in Cleveland.
Holy shit! How disturbed does someone have to be to buy a doll that looks like it just popped out of a hoohah?
You are freakin' kiddin' me! That last one looks like it was born dead. Seriously. Freakin' is what it'll be doing to everyone it meets.
I must say that the worst doll I've ever seen was on ebay. Someone went on and on about how they've lovingly created these things to be Downs babies and not to criticize. I was getting all worked up over someone knocking them when I saw the picture. I literally screamed and jumped. It takes a lot to freak me out. The horrors are still trying to invade my dreams at night. Go, look them up. It really should be outlawed.
Who are these people? Not just the ones that make them but the ones that buy them!! Loony!
CREEP-TASTIC.
Seriously. Nightmares.
I've been wanting to try making waldorf dolls. Cute, cuddly, not so creepy!
um, ew
never been a big doll lover actually, they all sort of creep me out a bit. Guess it's best that I have a boy.
ACK!
The horrid doll post made me laugh so hard I sneezed a dozen times in a row! My GOD, who buys this stuff? I really, really don't want an answer to that.
Ok seriously reading this was like driving past a car crash, you don't want to look, you know you might see something horrible but still you just have to look!
I knew it was gonna get worse but I just kept right on scrolling down. STUPID STUPID STUPID me!!!
I keep trying to look out of the corner of my eye because I really don't want to see that last picture but it's so creepily interesting.
I'm so having nightmares tonight. Thank god I have boys!
UGH she keeps looking at me make it stop make it stop!!
I haven't had a good nightmare in a long time I suppose now's as good a time as any (never would work for me). Off to bed I go, thanks for freaking me out! LOL
You are awesome! And those dolls? Totally creepy. Every.last.one.of.them.
If you need me, I'll be the one in the fetal position crying in the corner.
....can't go to sleep {rocking}....can't close my eyes....
Thanks for that. I didn't need to sleep tonight.
YUUUUUCK! More like abused infant horror story babies! People really buy those things???
That last picture actually made me jump backwards.
I need to go watch something happy to get that image out of my mind. :[
I was looking for custom bobbleheads when I stumbled across your collection of scary dolls. Thank you. Really, really, thank you!
wow!!!!!!!!!!1 you guys are assholes seriousle this woman spends like herwhole life and heart to make these BEAUTIFUL babies and also fuck all of you because i buy them and pretend they r real......to the woman that made these dolls i absolutley love them they are beautiful and lifelike i want to buy one..thank you for these beautifultrue art babies
@Anonymous--FYI, your comment was held for moderation because this post is more than two weeks old. It's something that blogger does automatically for me to prevent spam on older posts. Also, all different artists created the dolls.
Anonymous - look into capital letters sometime. And maybe the words are and seriously. Because your comment as it is can't be taken "seriousle"
I wonder how long you could trick your baby into thinking he or she had a twin sibling? Why can't you sit still and be quiet like little plastic Billy?
Eleventy-one, Anonymous! You sure changed my mind! Now I want to go buy one.
Wait, no I don't.
I mean....Oh my, I could not stop from laughing. What an incredibly scarring thing to do to/for your child. Sadly I'm sure the purchasers of the life-like dolls are mostly old ladies. May we not turn into those old ladies.
I'm definitely the minority but I do like dolls. Not these ones, but the actually sweet ones, even if they are lifelike. That being said, I wouldn't want to spend so much money on them but I don't find them creepy at all. Okay, except for the last one in the article, that's horror movie material. Oh, and while I don't purchase those lifelike dolls, I really don't like the harsh criticism towards women with a passion for doll collecting and/or making. Look it up, it can be a great (albeit expensive) hobby or downright therapeutic. They really don't need or deserve that harsh judgement. TBH I like baby dolls way better than real babies, they definitely smell better and are less messy.