Anybody Know a Cure for Toddler Mouth?
It was a long weekend. Actually, I take that back. It was a really long weekend. What should have been an opportunity to spend some valuable extra time with Alexis instead turned out to be a continuous test of just how patient Mr. Husband and I can be with her. She was suffering from a very severe case of Toddler Mouth all weekend, and it wasn't pretty. It was sort of like dealing with a toddler version of Paris Hilton, minus the sex tape and with an extra dose of I'll-Do-What-I-Want-Because-I-am-Invicible-itis.
She threw fits when we suggested that she eat something. Then she threw more fits when we suggested she not eat something. She yelled at us when we asked her to stop climbing on the table. She yelled at us when she fell off the table. Her head spun round like Linda Blair in The Exorcist when I asked her to pick up her toys. Her head spewed hatred when she couldn't find any of her toys because I took them away.
Conversations like this were the norm:
Me: Alexis, please stop hitting the dog.
Alexis: NO!
Me: ALEXIS, THAT'S ENOUGH.
Alexis: That's not nice. Say sorry.
Me: That's right. Stop hitting the dog and say sorry.
Alexis: (hitting dog harder) NO! YOU SAY SORRY!
I wish I could say it was just a few isolated incidents, but that's not the case. It was more like her fun moments were isolated. The Toddler Mouth was constant, and it was mean. I think the only cure for Toddler Mouth is to suture the toddler's mouth shut, but unfortunately I couldn't find a needle, heavy gauge wire, and a padlock anywhere. In fact, late Monday morning, after she yelled at me to "Go away" because I told her to stop breaking her crayons, I found myself just plain not liking her. I know I shouldn't admit that, but at that moment, she was not my friend. Which is interesting, because she followed up "Go away" by saying, "You not my friend."
Toddler Mouth sucks.
Perhaps the worst violation, however, came Saturday while we were grabbing bubble bath for her at Target. We always let her pick which kind she wants. She usually goes for Dora or Mr. Bubble, but her Toddler Mouth was MAJORLY acting up. As she pointed to the bottle she wanted, she uttered a word I had never heard her say before--one that I didn't even realize she knew.
She said, "Princess."
I can only hope that is the last time that vile word comes out of her mouth.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Reader Comments (72)
Oh my god. When I was reading that it sounded EXACTLY like Bean.
EXACTLY. We get the, "Go away you not my friend" a LOT! I think they learn it in daycare.
Welcome to toddler hell. I have been here awhile now. Since your new I won't laugh at you too much.
Here have a percocet and a margarita. You'll be Juuuussssttttt fine. And if yoy decide to slip the pill to the kid that's cool too.
Oh my god. When I was reading that it sounded EXACTLY like Bean.
EXACTLY. We get the, "Go away you not my friend" a LOT! I think they learn it in daycare.
Welcome to toddler hell. I have been here awhile now. Since your new I won't laugh at you too much.
Here have a percocet and a margarita. You'll be Juuuussssttttt fine. And if yoy decide to slip the pill to the kid that's cool too.
Duct tape works wonders.
Ha, KIDDING. But I've thought about it.
Once you go down the princess road, there's no going back. Heed my warning, don't buy the Princess dress, you will spend the rest of your days wrestling it off her! I know, I have one. Instead of hitting the dog, she goes after her little brother:(
If you find that cure, let me know! Mine doesn't talk much, but sometimes I just know he's thinking mean thoughts...and that whine...oh my gosh that whine!
Imagine having three toddlers with toddler mouth! :-) Actually, I don't have it too bad; only one really does it on a regular basis and we've learned how to deal with her on that! But yes, there are days when it is constant and I want to pull out both my hair and hers!!!
That picture totally captures your story! Oh my...
Princesses are like crack.
So everything she picks will be princess something. UGH! We need re-hab soon.
We have a serious case of Toddler Mouth going on at our house right now as well. Two really wasn't a bad year . . . 3 is sucking big, fat, hairy monkey balls (and it has only been a month!)
I thankfully have a little while before 'Princess' enters our vocabulary, but I was quite shocked to hear Cooper yell "ELMO!" in the store the other day.
Let me tell you, you are in trouble and starting to enter the princess cult. You thought Dora was bad. just wait! Oh and we currently have every freakin princess item in a certain girls room that lives with me. You can just come shopping at my house. Due to the fact that e are currently in the Hanna Montana cult.
Oh no! Two is back! And it sounds worse than ever! That is still an adorable little pout in her pic.
Best way to overcome frustration at toddler mouth? Post it here for us internetters to read and chuckle... and to scare those like me who's child will be in it all too soon.
Hey, at least her Highness's hiney will be clean. Nobody likes dirty royalty.
If I had a cure, I'd be a bazillionaire. Do let me know if you also find a cure for Preschooler Mouth. You know, something that would be nice and legal...
Fortunately my daughter is and has been a breeze. My boys though. Oy. They were awful toddlers with attitude. AWFUL.
Next time she wants bubbles and gives you lip, don't let her have any bubble bath.
I have to be honest, I'd take Cinderella (or any other princess) any day over that crazy Dora (my oldest screams if she even sees Dora)
i prefer princess..... the movies are so much better than a monkey singing about his ball....
toddler mouth does suck....you are not alone!
you sure do tell it good though.
best one from mine was:
"you're the best mom ever."
pause
"it's opposite day."
The cure? Preschool.
Yeah, I tried to ignore/deny/threaten the princess thing. Wouldn't you know my 4 year old is the pinkest, frilliest, most princess minded child ever!
But I drew the line at the cheerleading outfit the Grandma bought her for Christmas. I did some explainin' and some tossin'.
I dread that phase, really truly dread it.
he he he...Sissy thankfully never got into the princess things either, not that she has an aversion, she could just care less. Give her a stuffed animal, some 50s music and some art supplies & she's good to go.
lol @ toddler mouth. It gets worse before it gets better :/