The One That is Probably Going to End in Me Getting My Crack Kicked
Oh, Wonderful Parents of Pittsburgh, we need to talk. You see, I've been noticing a pattern and it's really not pleasant. Maybe it happens everywhere, but I only have personally been affected by it here. People, you have GOT to quit letting your kids be crack addicts.
Here's the thing, I have, over the past 2 years or so, ended up with many, many photos containing crack. Not because I wanted them, but because there are far too many kids running around with their pants riding lower than Phelps swimsuit during that relay the other night. Recently I have downloaded photos to my trusty little laptop only to find that otherwise kick butt photos have been invaded by, well, BUTT.
Example #1:
I'm sorry if that is your kid, but I have at least ten photos of his crack. It was EVERYWHERE that day. I managed to walk away with a few decent shots despite the crack, but OYE THE CRACK. The thing is that the kid was wearing swim trunks that haven't fit him since he started walking. He couldn't button them. Heck, he couldn't zip them. The only thing holding those pants on was the fact that he was a boy. I SOOOO badly wanted to go buy the kid a pair of $5 swim trunks, if only so I could stop seeing his booty in all its glory.
I had let that little crack attack go, but then it happened again this past weekend. What was a really fun little photo op with the Toddler turned into a game of I See London, I See France, I See That Kid Ain't Wearing Underpants.
Seriously. Full moon. Despite the fact that Crackher scared the poop out of my kid and ruined every. single. photo I took for about ten minutes, I felt bad for her. There were no parents with her anywhere. Not at the seal statues, not at the leopard area, not at the front entrance. She was running around unparented. So while her crack is a serious issue, I suspect step one might just be for a parent to actually look at her. Maybe, just maybe, the crack attack would come to an end if they realized that she would need to gain 20 pounds for those shorts to fit.
I wish these were the only instances of crack in the Burgh that I have photos of, but they are not. They are just the only ones from the past month. So, Pittsburgh Parents, please help me out. Cover those cracks.
Thank you.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Reader Comments (61)
Do you think maybe they are all in training to become plumbers? Cause, that is totally a possibility.
Oh good gracious that was a good laugh. Wowza.
I never realized that swimming was such a turn-on until these olympics.... ;-)
(1) Michael Phelps. Dear God in Heaven why could there not have been some sort-of Janet Jackson-wardrobe malfunction in honor of that amazing race?! You know, because I'm married - not dead. Thank you for posting that link - oh yes, bookmarked.
(2) The crack thing is killing me! Cooper has learned that we never, ever wear our shorts/trunks/pants that low . . . I actually caught him trying to hike another kids swimming trunks up at the pool last week because the kid was showing crack! Cooper kept telling him to pull his shorts up. My heart filled with pride and joy.
(3) Could you please add an addendum to the mothers of these children? Something along the lines of 'I know you are too lazy to make sure your kids' shorts actually fit, but could you please take just a minute or two to check below your own belt and make sure you're not showing anything that should remain hidden unless behind closed doors?' Seriously. Yes, as a mother time is precious and limited, but if you are going to bust out the bathing suit, make sure the curlies are in check.
So here's the thing: when I first read the title of this post and quickly scanned the photo I thought you were referring to how children seem to like to study cracks in the sidewalk (my boys are always digging in the cracks or looking at bugs crawling in cracks). And then I realized...OHHHH! THAT crack.
Silly me.
Umm ... I have lots of thoughts on your commenters.
1. Who the hell is looking at Phelps' arse when there was so much on the front of him to look at?
2. Why did no one comment on the thong/crack of tweens? Since when did public displays of butt floss become hawt?
3. I show lots of boob crack. Butt crack? Not so much.
It's not just the burgh kids, or even the natives. It's the imports too. The cute little blonde med students seem to think their scrub bottoms need not hide crack on the bus.
And then there's my vet. Love her to bits but have seen her thong a few times too many.
What is strange is this style keeps living on and on. Additionally, The poor children cannot walk because their pants are falling down.
I think you may want to start carrying around some
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q55bdcN0UQc" REL="nofollow">crack spackle.
I know what's worse--WORKING with ADULTS who don't understand the concept of underwear AND pants that cover yer ass.
It's been my on-going rant for, OMG! 6 FREAKING MONTHS at work.
It's even more fantastic when these are managers!!! and if I say anything to other managers I discover these women have ALREADY been spoken to about this very issue.
I'd take kids' crack any. day. Trade me! Trade me!
Please don't blame the parents! I have a 3-year old, and no matter how I adjust her adjustable jeans, her butt shows! I cannot keep it covered! She and I are constantly pulling her jeans up, but they keep coming down! It must be the way the clothes are made nowadays, maybe coupled with the way my child's body is (long torso).