Lots of Sighing Going On Around Here
I won't be winning any Mom of the Year Awards for saying it, but lately? I have not liked Alexis. I have loved her, cherished her, adored her, blah, blah, blah, but I have. not. liked. her. I'm sure I'll take some slack for writing it, but the fact of the matter is the whole purpose of this blog is to document things for her, and there is value in being able to tell her that I went through the same thing with her when she one day calls me to complain about one of her kids. She will have the same phase. I have no doubt.
The calendar says Alexis' third birthday is still a few weeks away, but her mouth, attitude, and general demeanor has been saying HELLO! I'M THREE! SCREW YOU! for a couple of weeks now. The yelling. The screaming. The fighting. The defiance. The attitude. I know she's just testing boundaries, but oh. my. hell. I want my sweet kid back. Y'know, the one that looks at me teary-eyed if I so much as raise my voice. The one that has such a crazy guilt complex that she will tattle on herself just for THINKING about doing something she shouldn't. The one who wants to gain everyone's approval so badly that she will do absolutely anything to make sure she gets it.
I liked her. I worried about her, but I liked her.
In the past week, Alexis has thrown more fits than in all the rest of her life piled up. I have a feeling she is trying to squeeze in a year's worth of misery into a short amount of time (she did that with Two--it was really only "Terrible" for a few weeks), so it's just a matter of standing firm and waiting it out.
It is a phase.
It is a phase.
If all else fails, four will be better.
If I still have hair left on top of my head by then.
Thank goodness she's cute.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Reader Comments (60)
I can't tell you how many times I've said aloud to people who comment, "oh, they're so cute" and my response word-for-word: "They're lucky they're so cute"
I believe there is a reason kids are born cute.
my mom was famous for saying that you could love something with all of your heart and not like them at the moment. so often she felt that way about her father, but she absolutely loved that man. often when i was a brat, knowing that she didn't like my behavior was enough to snap me out of it. she loved me, but didn't like a specific behavior that i exhibited. worked miracles with me.
rambling here to say that although i don't have kids, i can totally appreciate what you are saying here. hang in there.
there's absolutely nothing wrong with not liking your kid.
It reminds me of that Anne Taintor magnet (if you don't know what I'm on about, google it) that says 'remember sweetheart, mommy loves you, but she doesn't have to like you!'
and by love something you know i mean love someone.
sigh.
i think i need a nap.
xoxo,
becky
I can't tell you how many times I haven't liked my kids - it's natural, afterall they didn't like me then either. :) Three is way worse than two, we have found, as we soon will be entering our sixth venture into it. We can share all the fun stories. :)
Just think of how she'll be in ten years, when boys are more important than Mom. *Gasp!*
Oh Lordy, I feel your pain. Not about The Threes, but The Twos. Or else it's teeth. Either way: TODAY SUCKED. My normally sweet kid was miserable and cranky and NOTHING I did was good enough. It took two of us over an hour to calm her down at bedtime, she refused to sit still for books (which she usually loves) and she threw her milk at me and two books this afternoon. And said NOOOO!!! to just about every single suggestion I had all day. Crackers? NO. Milk? No. Color? No. ELMO? NO! WHAT? WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm probably horrible for saying this, but I am SO glad tomorrow is daycare day. I think we both need a break after today.
I think you're just a bad parent. That's why you are not a finalist in any kind of parent blog award contest. You know, like all the good parents are.
@Brian--You're such an ass. Maybe that's why I want to be just like you when I grow up.
there is an old saying that goes: God made them cute so we wouldn't kill them.
it oh so true. thank goodness all of my children are so gosh darn cute...although it was touch and go for a couple of them in their teen years.
you are blessed with a very strong will little girl. it will be a very good thing for her over the years but it sucks big time when her will clashes against yours. a good parent recognizes trying days like this and accepts the fact that right now their precious child whom they love so intensely they would die for in an instant is not so likeable and it is okay.
gawd almighty how i despised the terrible threes! hang in there.
Yayy. I'm not the only one who didn't like my child! Abbie's was only a phase.
You have such a cute kid! :D
LOL! I must be a bad parent, too! Sometimes we're just all unlikeable. Aren't we glad that murder is against the law....:)
I hear you... my first son was an angel until almost 3, then he started a few temper tantrums and made life difficult for a few months. They do grow out of it.
My second son is now 2 and a few months... and I can see the storm's a'comin...
There is a reason other species eat their young. Just sayin'.
Two? Was a total breeze compared to 3. Three sucks big, fat, hairy monkey balls. I too understand why, but I don't like it one bit.
It is a darn good thing they are cute!
Hmmm, do I burst your bubble or no? Well I'm gonna keep it real. Around here it was the terrific twos, the terrible threes and the f***ing fours. And then at 5, thank God for kindergarten.
You know, your daughter isn't the only one who says, "HELLO! I'M THREE! SCREW YOU!" :D
i don't know... that cuteness sort of makes up for many things.
I remember the times I didn't like my kids, sometimes all of them at once, I'd yell at them to get outside and play until dinnertime. Now that I think about it, they spent quite a lot of time playing outside.
Oh lord i feel you. My normally well behaved kid is torturing me only 7 days left till she turns 2. and she has a cold!! oh an she keeps trying to get in bed with us, but there is no room, so when she comes down from her room I make her spend the rest of the night on the sofa, in the living room, which is next to our room. what a solution that is right??
I love my kids (they are 24 boy, almost 18 girl and 13 boy) but sometimes I really do not like them at all...
I don't like some of the things they do or say, though I will admit that they are, for the most part, really good kids.. there's just moments I don't like them.
I love them always though.
You're not alone in your feelings.
I feel for you. Really I do. Mark did this at about the same age. Oh my goodness. I feel for you.
I think it may be worse with little girls. I can't wait for Anna to go through this.
Everyone has already said it but it is true for me, too.
I can always love my kiddo, but I won't always like him. He is a few weeks from turning 4 and he's finally out of the Terrifically Terrible Threes and acting like my sweet kid again. He did the same thing Alexis is doing - a few months before his 3rd birthday he turned into a monster. We had a rough summer with him but now he's much more of a joy to be around.
Hang in there - it will get better and you'll start to like her again!
She's just practicing for 14..and 15...and 16. Good luck!!
I'm helpful, huh?
Hallie
3 has definitely been a challenge with Juliana. At some point she completely lost the ability to pay attention to whatever we are saying, especially when it is something like - don't stand on the back of the couch (where she could fall 3 ft), or you don't need to have your face touching the tv to watch it...
Good days and bad days - I am so happy that Christmas break is over...
I truly believe that God makes kids cute, and gives mothers an overwhelming amount of love for their children, so that we don't kill them.
Great picture - I like that shirt.
I totally remember the emotion, the funny part is I barely remember when that was! My 9 year old daughter is such a lovely girl now.
But if you really want to know about disliking your kid, lets talk about teenagers...
I've told Aidan before "If you weren't so cute". LOL
Three was easily the worst age for me with my Oldest Boy. Youngest Boy is just a totally different personality and he's not nearly as strong-willed. Be consistent...and take lots of pictures of her being cute so you can be reminded (like I have to tell YOU that;)!
my boundaries are TOTALLY being tested overhere too. ugh.
As you can see, we have ALL been there. Well, with exception to Brian who, judging by his blog, totally adores his twin girls when they poop behind the sofa. ;-) (BTW, Brian, please tell me they've grown out of that!)
I have a 7 year old daughter and 4 year old twin boys. The boys are MUCH more of a challenge now than when they were two. Seems their favorite birthday present was the ability to talk back to the huz & me.
I have a 6.5 year old and all I have to say is OMG. 2 was awesome, 3 sucked, 4 sucked, 5 was kindergarten and now a first grader?
He thinks he's a teenager. The attitude. The defiance.
Yeah - sometimes I don't like him very much but I love him more than anything in this entire world.
I think children are made cute so we don't eat them while they are young.
I hated the 3s, but when my daughter turned 4 it was almost like someone threw a switch and she was suddenly the best kid ever. And since that was right around when a second kid would have happened if it was gonna happen, it's probably why I've just got 1.
Just remember, darlin', that the most amazing people in the world started out as little tyrants. Alexis will grow to be a strong, independent woman who just might make a difference in the world. In the meantime, she will make you want to jump off a bridge.
Why don't you tell her she's going to end up in the "sin bin" just like Crosby if she doesn't stop with the tantrums? ;-)
Just had to get that in...the ref really threw the book at him a few nights ago, didn't he??
Peace - D
@RiverPoet--If only she understand the Sin Bin enough for me to use it.
I might have to paint a time out chair for her and put that on it, though. A hockey-themed time out chair would pretty much rock.
A to the Men. The threes SUCK! Seriously, terrible twos? Not that bad. Sassy threes? Awful. My son's impressive vocabulary gone over night and apparently now all he can say is NO said a hundred and fifty ways. I swear he'll just yell no when I'm not even talking to him. Six more months til four, six more months.
My sister and I were just complaining about the same thing. Her daughter will be 3 in a month also, and she is having the same exact issues. Mine will be 2 in two months, and we are going through the fun toddler tantrums with her.
I know understand why there was folklore about changeling children. It's like these children have be replaced by some evil spirit. Luckily, we know it just a phase and we'll get through it somehow. Right?
2 already sucks for me, and she's been 2 for 4 days. I will be bald very very soon.
@Lisa--Hang in there. Two isn't all that bad. Or, at least, I didn't think so. Actually, it's been my favorite age so far. Still little, but old enough to have conversations and play together.
Not so funny this is happening now, but you're right, it's just a phase. A nasty one, but a phase. Happy is three and has been soooo good until this past week or so. Just doesn't want to listen to me at all.
And the whole not liking your kid is normal. I'm a full time stay at home mom with a three year old that hasn't napped since he was two. AND an almost two year old that is the midst of deciding she doesn't need one either. Believe me, over thirteen hours straight with Happy everyday can make me not like him too.
I KNOW for a fact that there were at least 5 years of my life at different ages where my mother didn't care much for me (she has told me) - 17 being the worst. So don't feel bad :) Just be a great mom (you already are!) and hang in there.
It's how the Parenting of Girls Karma Gods prepare you slowly for her being a teenager. When you will truly want to kill yourself.
just sayin...
LOL! I still get crap from people because I'm too "rough" and "not nice" about my kids. I don't care if I'm Mom of the Year, so long as I ain't in a loony bin this year.
Having the guts to be honest, though, still makes it easier. They KNOW you don't like 'em sometimes, and your denial only makes 'em crankier.
Even the Toad, appreciates our honesty--he doesn't like it, and he certainly doesn't respect it, but he appreciates it. No punches pulled, you know?
The Howler has been a high-maintenance child for her entire life. The difference is that the volume goes UP, UP, UP. I'd kill for her to be 3 or even 4 again. She's too independent and won't consider being independent together.
I have to agree that 3 is harder than 2...many moms will tell you that. I've found that the times I don't really like them are the times that they're either a) acting just like me or b) acting just like their father.
Here's another little trick they have - they are angels when they're out in public. People comment on how well behaved they are at a restaurant and such. But as soon as we walk in door, they have this need to let all the 'bad' out that they held in while in public. I'm starting to just let them fight it out. Maybe I'll buy them some boxing gloves.
@BrainLint--Ding! Ding! Ding! Nail head done hit. More than once.
And it's not usually me she's acting like. Just sayin'.
I don't know what to say except... good luck and hope this year goes better for you gals than it did for us.
I don't know why they don't call it terrible threes. It was MUCH worse for us. And, I get to do it again! Wahoo! ; )
Here's hoping you keep some of your hair!
Haven't there weeks and possibly months you have wanted to skin Mr Husband and then stick him in shark infested waters? Hello, normal. And, three? It's a bitch. A bite you in the arse kinda one. But, I've seen the fours on the horizon, and they are challenging for a whole new set of reasons.
*L* I feel for you! When my girlie was 4 she was so mad at me for something I made her do that she stormed out of the room for like 3 seconds then whipped her little head around the corner & yelled "If there was a worst parent in the world contest I'd enter you!" "wow", I thought. Then came the best part... "AND YOU'D WIN!"
I was gobsmacked! If it hadn't been so funny to hear coming from the mouth of a 4 year old, she would have been in some big trouble.
Have fun!
it is my job, apparently, to be the harbinger of doom on your blog.
enjoy 3.
because do you know what they call the year that follows her NEXT birthday?
yes, it's true: the effing fours.
you're welcome!
Yeah, I hate to say it, but so far three has been just as bad as (or possibly even worse than)two. Two needs to get a new agent b/c he's getting a bad rap.
Four has definitely got to be better. That's my light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl, you are not alone! Sweet Pea is going through a lot of that too. Although she is a lot better than she used to be. I make her go to her room and sit on her bed when she get in trouble (or if she's just throwing a fit & I don't want to hear it). It used to last forever but now she does her time and settles out pretty quick.
Anywho, I have heard a lot of people say that 3 is worse than 2. Ahhh something to look forward to!