I Wish I Could Say the Dora Toys Were Exempt from Procreation
I could have saved a small fortune if I had known, but I had no idea. I thought that in order to obtain toys, you had to spend money or find someone to give them to you. Nope. Not true. All you have to do if you want some toys is to send a few off to a storage shed. Once that door closes and the mice and bugs start to invade, those toys get . . . ahem . . . "busy." They multiply. They breed. They make like the Duggars and procreate.
There is no other explanation.
When we lived in the tiny little townhouse, it was a constant struggle to keep the pile of plastic toy factory puke under control (sorry, but that's exactly what it looked like in our living room--like a toy factory had puked all over it). I was constantly rotating things out, boxing things up, and sending toys that I deemed "done" off to storage. I often thought about giving lots of toys away, but we held on to the hope that we would be moving soon and would have enough space for them all.
We did. We do. Alexis has a giant playroom complete with a walk-in closet.
(Aside: the playroom wound up in the living room that is off our family room. That would be the room with its own bathroom. It was selected because My Two Army Brats commented that her boys would throw toys off the side of the loft. In an instant, I knew Alexis would, too. I don't really feel the need to have my head smashed by a flying Dora doll, thankyouverymuch.)
It wasn't until I started unpacking all of the boxes from storage that I realized the depths of depravity we have inflicted on our kid. Toys. Toys. Toys. Miles and miles of toys. There are four large plastic tubs of stuffed animals. There are two full tubs of dolls. A shelf is dedicated to boxes and boxes of board games. It's nothing short of a miracle that the kid doesn't spend her every waking minute bawling her eyes out about how we clearly don't love her and she has absolutely nothing to do.
I'm quite certain that daycare would believe her story, if she were to tell it.
Every Wednesday is Show-n-Tell. Every Wednesday I send Alexis into her playroom to pick out something to take with her. Every Wednesday she walks straight to the little bin that holds Happy Meal toys and picks one out.
Despite a room full of toys that didn't come free with some french fries, the kid takes a Happy Meal toy to school every. single. Wednesday.
I wish I had known that all a kid needs is a few Happy Meal toys before I sent all those things off to storage to procreate.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Reader Comments (15)
I loved that title, all too true!
I don't think the new "Tween" Dora will be procreating. Doing that would be bad for business.
Dollar Tree crap is even better than Happy Meal crap. It's broken before it even gets home, but somehow $1 foam swords will be played with every single day from now until the end of time.
My son loves to bring Happy Meal toys to school, too. On particularly cool promotions, I've found myself purchasing ones he didn't get (they sell them for less than a dollar by themselves) and saving them for stocking stuffers. My husband says we should just buy them everytime they come out and we could eat a lot less McDonalds. Heh.
I cannot make my siblings understand that stuffed animals DO NOT make cool birthday gifts.
They do procreate. And even after I thought I threw them out? They end up back in the baskets... (cue Twilight Zone music).
Took my kids to a childrens museum the other day......one of the activity tables was a table with a big gin of "lids." Lids to everything you can imagine! And my oldest played with them. Who would have thought?
@The Mommy--Stuffed animals are THE WORST. If we could go a year without any new ones appearing, I would consider that the greatest year ever.
agreed! along with crayons, stuffed animals, craft projects, shoes... what the heck about socks? they NEVER procreate! They are just going to die off alone...
ha! That's awesome. It's funny because Maggie's favorite toys lately are my kitchen dish towels.
I have no idea. WEIRDOS.
OMG, they totally do! And I agree about the stuffed animals. They are the worst! As a kid, I loved stuffed animals and Barbies and couldn't have enough. Now I'm wondering why my kid(s) need all of them. Hmmm.
I find it hysterical that she picks the Happy Meal toys for Show and Tell! hehe.
Did you find your keys?
We just had a birthday party so our house is overflowing with toys. I need to upgrade to a bigger house for all of them too.
On a side note I have seen Dora on TV for the first time recently. It weirds me out when they keep talking to me. They pause and wait for me to answer and I just want to yell at them to move along with the stupid story already.
You're welcome! I'm glad you don't get attacked by flying toys and that I pointed out the risk! You're too funny!
We always have too many toys. Every year before Christmas we make the boys pick lots and lots of toys to take to the local womens shelter for the families that ended up there for Christmas. They enjoy doing this every year and it clears out room for the new haul!
You know...I am positive matchbox cars do the same thing. They are procreating as I type...
I love your floors. If your floors procreate, can I have some? I promise to walk them and feed them and call them George...