The Trailer Trash is Furious
I grew up poor. Really poor. As in I grew up living in beat-up trailer in the crappiest trailer park in town. My mom, when she was able to work (which wasn't often), worked at Wendy's. My dad, once he got out of the Air Force, worked assorted temporary jobs, including a stint at a gas station. Right now I make about six times as much money as my parents made combined, even in a good year.
Because nothing was ever handed to me, I learned something very important very young--I learned that if you want something, you have to work for it. I delivered newspapers for three years to save enough money for my first car. I babysat so that I could buy myself clothes. I worked three jobs my senior year of high school so that I could go to Spain as an exchange student. I worked my ass off.
And I would have it no other way.
A strong work ethic has catapulted me to success. Meanwhile, I have watched former classmates who were given every privilege in the world grow into adults who can't function without talking to Daddy first. The same people who once looked down on me because I wore crappy second-hand clothes are now incapable of making it a month without asking for hand-outs from their parents.
There was a time when those people could get under my skin. A little insult there, a blatant put-down here, they were able to get me down. Then I grew up and realized that money isn't everything, and that working hard will get you what you want. As a bonus, I don't have to worry about being manipulated or guilt-tripped by someone who paid for something. Nobody paid for anything I have now.
I thought I was past all that feeling bad about myself cause of economic status thing, but it turns out not so much. Why? Because recently someone has made me feel like crap for not putting Alexis into an elite preschool. We CHOOSE not to put her into one, and I absolutely believe it's ridiculous to think the freakin' preschool a kid goes to makes any difference whatsoever on his or her success. I am absolutely evidence that the school you go to makes ZERO difference in one's success. It's all about learning to work for you want that matters. Period.
So, Alexis, we won't send you to a preschool that "auditions" its students. We won't send you to a preschool that costs more per semester than some people make in a year. We will not put you in a class filled with snobby kids who don't know what it means to be told "no."
We will require that you earn what you get.
And if anyone makes you feel like a heel for any of that, just ignore them. Your trailer trash mom will take care of it.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Reader Comments (90)
i think this post is great.my sister and i grew up poor white trash.when i look at the asses that tormented us at school today irealize that they are more twisted and useles as human beings then i could even fathom. more power to ya!
The curriculum is the same regardless the only difference is who attends what school. By Alexis not going to the "elite" preschool, she's surrounded by children who probably don't come from the same economic status she does *gasp*. The world is full of different people of all different types. How are you going to function in the real world if you've lived your life in the "elite" world?
It's an ego thing for people. You need to send your daughter to the same school in order to validate them sending their daughter. Does that make sense? They are insecure and need you to follow the leader just like everyone else. It's a bunch of crap. Alexis is blessed to have you as a mom!
Sorry for the freakin' novel but us WT gotta stick together. :-)
I hate the fact that preschools like that EXIST in the world... let alone that people would try to make others feel like bad parents for not putting their kids into those schools! Audition for a preschool? What? Dude... park district preschool is where its at! Thats all a kid needs! Preschool is supposed to be a place where kids can go somewhere a few times a week, and get used to being in a classroom without their parents with them, playing with other kids, listening to a teacher, following rules, and doing some basic learning. Its not college!!!!! People should not put so much pressure on three and four year olds! Right?
Right the hell on!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't grow up poor (well except for a few lean years when my dad was laid off). My dad, though, did grow up very, very poor with 5 brothers and sisters. He paid his way for everything he ever needed.
I was taught that just because my parents COULD give me things, I still had to work for things beyond the essentials. I had to have a job through high school and college. My parents refused to send me to fancy schools.
Obviously, in my opinion, I turned out pretty good. I don't think I'd be as level headed and hard working and truly know the value of a dollar had they just handed me everything.
Alexis just might grow up to be as awesome as me. ;)
We tried a Montessori style school and yanked my daughter right out of it right away. I felt like I'd handed her over to Nazi scientists. Three things make your kid who they ultimately are:
1. Them.
2. Their friends.
3. Your love.
love this post... just want to say amen, and amen again.
I grew up just the same way you did, and live my life very similar to yours. I worked hard for everything I have, and, when I was younger, I was SO jealous of all those friends of mine whose parents constantly bailed them out. Now, as a "grown -Up" I wouldn't trade places with them for anything. They aren't living an authentic life, and we are!
Great post.
Well said. When we lived in Los Angeles, we tried out a preschool and just didn't like the vibe. When we told the director we were switching schools, she said, do you understand that EVERY celebrity who lives in this area send their kids here? We were like, wow, good for them. We're outta here.
Hi there,
Just discovered your blog. I have two sons and grew up poor (we have no trailers where I live). I had to fight for what I have now. I had to work for where I am now. And I sure as hell will teach my kids the values necessary to go through life. Earning what you get is a good principle as long as it is not pushed too far. Let the kid have some fun, give him a break. He should not have to learn lessons the hard way if he can learn them in another. But in essence I agree with you :-)
I just stumbled on your site and I had to leave a comment.
Those "elite" preschools are definitely not what makes a child succeed. By doing exactly what you are currently doing will ensure your daughter will be a strong woman with a great work ethic and will learn that if she has the drive, she can achieve anything.
I never went to any sort of elite school and I think I made it fine. If these other parents are concerned about college, the truth is, as long as the student is dedicated to learning, the grades will come and the colleges will be knocking on the door.
I earned two different scholarships for a private, well rated college and never did my parents put any extra money into my education; they just put extra emphasis on the important parts of an education.
You made a great choice.
Hi, I just stumbled across your post and had to leave a comment...
Good for you!
I hate that you felt badly about the comment, and I started to say "hey, but look at you! You didn't go to an elite preschool!" But then you answered your own question. Where you go to preschool does not matter one whit to the kind of person you will become.
Great post!
You are an amazing mom! Good for you. My kid doesn't even go to preschool so there to the snobby crazy people who made you feel bad! This was a GREAT post!
Excellent post! We wouldn't be in this incredible economic trouble if everyone were a fraction like you.
Amen! My father was (and still is bc he won't retire!) a mechanic and my Mom didn't work. Instead she raised the six of us. We weren't privileged but we had each other. Which is a lot more than I can say for families these day. As a new (and sorta successful I guess) father to two amazing boys, I think about this stuff every day.
Nice to see other young parents are grappling with the same issue. I want my boys to appreciate the world - not think it owes them.
Thanks for the post.
Tom
*Ah* It's nice to hear about parents who take their parenting seriously. It makes me feel better that my daughter will have other kids like yours in the world. And maybe their paths will cross one day.
What, you don't want to pull up to your outrageously expensive preschool in your overpriced, oversized SUV like the other crazy status craving Moms?
ha!
I understand your sentiment, but I'd challenge your execution. Putting your daughter in a good school doesn't mean she'll be a weak sap. It means you've given her an opportunity you've never had and given her a bit of a head start in life. Maybe she could get even further than you in life if she has your same drive but is able to start out a few steps ahead.
It is a proven fact that children that don't attend a preschool program (homeschooling counts) almost never catch up to those that do. The anecdotal evidence provided by your readers don't hold up to decades of research on the subject. I would agree that there are many good preschools at an affordable budget that will provide a perfectly solid foundation in life. But if there was one that was hands down better than another, why not pay the price?
I've chosen to send our daughters to one of those "elitist preschools." That doesn't mean I don't make them work for things. They'll work for a car, they'll have an after school job, they'll work for a new pair of jeans and do chores for free because it's expected as part of the family. They'll do volunteer work so they can give back and learn humility and gratitude. But having our daughters work for those things doesn't make them any smarter, they build character, increase drive, and make them want to meet goals. This is the effect I believe you were intending to achieve by denying your daughter a better education than you can afford.
Again, I appreciate the sentiment, but I believe your cause and effect is a bit off in what you are trying to achieve. There seems to be a prejudice against those that didn't work as hard as you to get where they are that prevents you from being able to determine what your true intentions in determining what is best for your daughter. If the elite school is cost prohibitive, by all means find a good suitable cheaper school. But if you have the means to provide something better for her, why deny her that opportunity? She'll have many other character building moments while still getting the opportunity to get a head start over the rest of her peers.
Is it because there isn't anyone at that school that you would want your daughter to associate with? What an ignorant and unfounded bias. Not everyone who was born rich is a pompous arse and lives off of family money with no drive in life. Based on the comments of many of your followers, it would seem many think it almost a crime to have a little money in the bank and to want what's best for their children.
In the meantime, my very down to earth two-year old daughter is in preschool learning Spanish, Mandarin, computers, handwriting, yoga, ballet, tumbling, art, and music all while getting tons of play time and lots of love.
Like I said, she'll get plenty of opportunity to work hard and build character. For now, I'm going to give her every opportunity to set the foundation so that she's got the tools and the knowledge to make good decisions as she works hard in life. Why deny a child that?
I absoutely agree with you! My husband was raised the same way as you and I was a bit spolied. He has a much better work ethic than me and thank God for that!
I'm sure Alexis will be just as amazing as her Mama!
Hand raised...I did my time in the trailer park. I gotta tell you, the kiddos that go to the crazy expensive schools here are no more impressive than the kiddos who go to the public school down the street.
Husband knows MANY wealthy folks who send their kiddos to the public school. Parenting is the key to making any education work...I'm just sayin'
Awesome
A-freaking-men.
That right there is INVALUABLE.
I second N.W. Well said.
Glad I read back through the twitters.
Oh this sets me off! We're Catholic and we send our kids to Catholic schools. Here in Nashville, the parochial schools are very good, and while not free, are not as expensive as the private schools.
But we have a giant private Catholic school - not part of the church-parochial system - and their tuition is private level, not parochial. Lots and lots and lots of the parents at our church put their kids there, and I swear it's because they get to go with an elite-private school, but still a Catholic one, which is showier than a little church school.
When we put our son at a little church school in a not-so-fancy part of town, I was disappointed at the reaction of some of these folks. We can afford to send our kids to any school in town that we would choose, to be honest. We choose a small school (there are only 16 or 17 kids in his class), with an excellent principal, and an excellent academic program. We made the best choice. It just wasn't the fancy choice.
Arggg. This is such a "thing" now I can't stand it!
(The Catholic high school near us we do not like, so when he gets to that point, we may go with the expensive boys school. I dread that possibility, but we will make the best choice for him and price isn't the reason. I swear some people WANT to pay more, just to say "my kid goes here"!)
You go girl! I didn't live in a trailer park, but I did move 17 times in 5 years because I couldn't afford to pay the rent. Yah, sometimes us single moms do what we have to do to survive. My kids weren't handed anything, either. They worked hard in school, to earn good grades. My oldest earned a 4 year academic scholarship to college. She would not have been able to go otherwise. Youngest worked her way through, and maintained her GPA so she could get the HOPE scholarship and pell grants. My son joined the Air Force so he could get money for college.
They all three turned out fine, and not only did not go to posh pre-schools, they changed schools about 3 times a year for most of the time they were in the lower grades. Kids learn what we teach them. If we teach them to work hard for what they get, that is what they learn.
Ummm...it's preschool. Really? How much more is she going to learn in on vs. another? People need to get over themselves. A kid can learn how to share and their colors just as well in a church basement, daycare center, etc. as in those hoity-toity places.
I really think the important thing about preschool is that a) your kid is happy there, b) the teachers seem clued into your kids needs, and c) you are happy with the choice.
Oh gosh, it's probably that school that advertising on the radio CONSTANTLY and it's so annoying. We were just discussing it last week at the salon and about how crazy expensive it is!
Don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty. Alexis seems like she is headed on the right path and no school is going to change it, it's her parental guidance that helps mold who she is to become.
I am just wondering if you said anything in person to the person in question about how she (?) made you feel. You make some broad assumptions about the type of person who sends her/his children to an expensive preschool and why. For example, that the child is not told no and is going to be a snob. I don't think that's very fair of you.
I think you are a great mom, regardless of where you send Alexis, of course. I think moms and dads who decide to send their children to a more elite-type of school can do so for good, sound, and caring reasons, too. Not just because they can, or they want their children to have some kind of privilege. I think Bridget makes some very good points in this vein.
ciao,
rpm
If I could give you a standing ovation, I totally would! This is an amazing post and so very, very true. With your amazing guidance, your daughter will also be successful in life. Kudos to you!
How come I didn't know that Mr. Husband is hockey-player-hot?
:P
Wow, I totally understand what you are saying-this post is awesome!
Wow. And here I thought I was the only one that didn't go to an elite school, have rich parents hand me everything and still managed to make a successful life for myself.......
Honestly though, there are so many people in this world that didn't have a silver spoon in their mouths growing up that get along just fine in this world. You and your daughter are testaments to that.
Well done.
Rebecca
I can't believe I missed this. You rock. I totally agree with everything you said. Nothing is more important in life than a hard work ethic. Good for you for that decision. I hope it makes others think.
amazing. i'm so glad i stumbled upon this. i grew up in a middle class family. my parents worked like dogs to give my brother and me the best they could...including private school. we were at the bottom of the socio-economic (and fashion) chain there and took some grief over that. i'm very proud of the adults we became...not in spite of those times but because of them.
You rock! Great post!
Great post. Just wanted to say you are very amazing, you know. I think it's inspirational, really, how hard you worked to get what you wanted to get, and achieve what you did. You have a lot to be proud of. Money is not everything, not at all. The only thing that truly matters to me are my children/family/health/happiness.
Fabulous post! Love it.
Way late on this, but I think the whole private preschool and private any school is ridiculous. Personally, if I ever have kids I want them to be in public schools so they learn about diversity and are around more than one point of view like the real world not in a place where everyone is the same race/religion/creed/fill in the blank. Parents should be involved enough to help fill in any gaps they perceive in their child's education and it isn't all the teachers' faults. [/end rant]
Exactly. Well stated, and kudos on knowing it! :)
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