R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I am an "Acts of Service" person. While I know that with every fiber of being and have told all of my peoples that MULTIPLE THOUSANDS of times, they don't get it. Things. Things. Things.

::sigh::

Why it took me all these years to take matters into my own hands and own that "Acts of Service" thing, I don't know, but it did. I finally broke the drought of grateful-yet-a-tiny-bit-disappointed by buying myself a birthday present this year. The idea mostly came about because Groupon managed to send the exact right email at the exact right time and OMG I CAN PAY SOMEONE TO COME CLEAN MY HOUSE.

This is not shocking news to most people, but I've never done it. There's something about paying someone to do something I'm capable of that's weird, plus the effort required to find someone seemed monumental and ACTS OF SERVICE, Y'ALL. I would appreciate someone finding a person I can pay to do things far more than any diamonds or cars or literally any object on earth. Like, if someone wants to find me an electrician to run wiring to the pond? I would love you forever and ever.

ANYWAY.

There was a Groupon for house cleaning, I bought it, and then it took me months to schedule it.

No matter, though, I finally did and it was sooooooooo magical. I can't even describe how totally and completely amazing it was that someone who was not me wiped down baseboards and scrubbed the inside of the fridge and pulled out the oven to sweep behind it and the cabinet doors were clean and ... I could go on and on and on. It was very truly one of the best days of my adult life.

And then Mila came home. She sort of made it better? But not really?

Mila was totally and completely awestruck by the notion that someone had cleaned a bunch of bathrooms, the kitchen, the dining room, and the family room. So much cleaning! All of the rooms! The child was literally enchanted and kept going on and on and on about how nice the people were to have done that.

They were nice, that's a fact, but ... uh ... I have picked up after that kid literally every single day of her life. I have actually cleaned all of the things that were cleaned that day AND MORE. Again, I'm capable of cleaning. It's just not a thing I particularly enjoy or make time for when I'm prioritizing all of the things that need to be done.

And yet, I get no gratitude from the tiny person. I have LITERALLY CLEANED HER BUTT, but nothing. No thanks. No fawning over how nice I am. No appreciation.

So I, of course, had to ask questions.

"You do realize I paid them to clean, right?" I asked Mila.

"It was still so nice of them to do," she replied.

Again, true, but COME ON, CHILD.

"Mila, I literally gave them money in exchange for cleaning. It's not like they were driving around the neighborhood and saw our house and decided to be cleaning fairies," I said.

"But they ARE cleaning fairies! Look how nice everything looks!" she replied.

That was like insult piled on injury. It doesn't count when I clean AND apparently they did a better job?

WHATEVER, CHILD.

Fast forward a few days and Mila, as usual, managed to trash the kitchen. The child is simply incapable of making herself breakfast without leaving a trail of crumbs that Hansel and Gretel could follow to Timbuktu. I pointed out that Mila needed to clean up after herself because ZOMG THE CRUMBS AND THE TOASTER ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME.

Her response?

"It's okay. You can clean it up if it bothers you."

Grrrr.

Aggressively Happy. Again.

It's the last dance competition weekend of the school year (next stop, nationals in the summer), which means Alexis is having ALL of the fun.

So is Mila.

I've always wondered why Mila is so extremely eager to tag along for these things, but I think I figured it out today - anything is possible when mom is trying to squeeze a few hours of fun out of a weekend away.

We had some hours to pass today. When that happens, I usually look for a zoo or botanical garden or something like that, especially when the weather is pleasant. Today's weather was MORE than pleasant, plus we're in Columbus, so ZOO DAY, Y'ALL.

We haven't had one of those in a very long time. We gave up on the Pittsburgh Zoo during the worst of COVID and likely won't consider a return. We're out of town often enough that it probably won't matter. There are other zoos, including zoos made famous by the likes of Jack Hanna.

Jack Hanna is one of those people who you have to be of a certain age to know about, by the way. Enjoy testing that little factoid.

ANYWAY.

This past winter broke Mila. She apparently has become accustomed to freezing all the time because girlfriend WOULD NOT quit complaining that it was hot out as we strolled through the zoo. She whined and she complained and basically I was ready to toss her in a river, but then we came across the giraffes. I say "yes" MUCH more easily when we're out of town, so when Mila asked if she could join the very long line to fee said giraffes, I was quick to give in. That turned the weather complaints off INSTANTLY.

It was $5 for 3 leaves of lettuce, by the way. That somehow sound incredibly cheap and incredibly overpriced. It's a weird duality.It was worth it to make the whining stop, though.

So Mila got to feed the giraffes, which basically made it the BEST DAY EVEEEEERRRRR.

And of course she was wearing her giraffe shirt because she prepares well for these sorts of things.

But happy. SO MUCH HAPPY. There was bouncing and grinning and laughing and honestly, nobody does "aggressively happy" like that kid.

It was so over-the-top that the three zoo employees that we encountered after feeding the giraffes all commented, "It looks like you must have had a lot of fun!"

To which Mila consistently replied, "How can you NOT have a fun day when you get to feed giraffes?"

Truer words, Mila. Truer words.

Vegetarian Buffalo Chicken Ring

Apparently Alexis really super misses when I used to cook real food and stuff.

I do this every winter. Every winter I lose motivation to do anything and we end up just sort of getting by. Then spring hits, fresh produce returns, and the sun stays up long enough to make my evenings fun. During this window of time, though, I just plain suck.

But this weekend I was like motivated and stuff, so I sort of threw something together and Alexis was all "Moooooom! This is amaaaaaazing! Make this more often!" and she gushed and she gushed and she gushed.

I mean, it was good, but I think maybe this is at least partially a "glass of water in the middle of the desert" kind of situation. Maybe. Or maybe she just really likes when I take a typically meat-centric thing and turn it vegetarian. Whatevs. Either way, it took maybe 5 minutes of preparation to end up with something delicious and that impressed the kid.

(Feel free to re-meat this. Shredded chicken can be your friend.)

Vegetarian Buffalo Chicken Ring
1 package Morningstar Chik'n Strips
1 package refrigerated crescent rolls
4 oz cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup Frank's Red Hot Buffalo Sauce
1/3 cup ranch dressing
Shredded colby jack cheese

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2. Place a piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet. Arrange the crescent rolls in the shape of a star - the long ends form the circle in the middle with the points going outward.

3. Heat the Chik'n Strips in a skillet according to the package instructions.

4. Mix the cream cheese, buffalo sauce, and ranch dressing together. Add in the cooked chik'n and mix some more.

5. Place the chik'n concoction all around the crescent rolls. Tuck the ends of the star up and over the chik'n.

6. Bake at 375 degrees for 20-25 minutes, or until lightly browned.

7. Pull the ring of goodness out of the oven and sprinkle shredded cheese on top. Place it back in the oven for 1-2 minutes to melt the cheese.

8. Tah-dah! Let it set for a minute or two before cutting.