Happy St. Valentine's Day, Y'all!

Look out Peyton, Alexis has a new boyfriend. And boy howdy! does he know the fastest way to her heart. Three words: Sandra Boynton books.







Why yes, Alexis is being courted by an older man. The mystery man is none other than Sweetie Darling himself, the future King of Texas, and genius son of Anglophile Football Fanatic. In all fairness to Peyton, Sweetie Darling has been getting some help from his Mom. I'm pretty sure she had a little something to do with the Valentine's Day present that showed up on Miss Alexis' doorstep today.



By the way, I totally knew said package was coming because AFF? She is a dork. A little while back, Karen was holding a contest for a free t-shirt. AFF REALLY wanted to win. She wanted to win so bad that she revealed at least fifteen embarassing stories about herself. All through the contest, she would send me lovely little messages like, "If I don't win, that pony is gonna quit a-rocking cause I'm gonna @#%# kick it's @#%." (Those may or may not be the actual words she used.) Somewhere amongst her threats, she said that if she won, she was going to ask for a four-leaf clover t-shirt for Sweetie Darling.



Stop. right. there. Me, myself, and I had just days before purchased green fabric to use to make Alexis and Sweetie Darling each a four-leaf clover shirt. I happen to be resourceful and had found AFF's address, but wasn't really in a hurry to make the shirts since we have a few minutes until St. Patrick's day.



Anyway, I started out trying to divert AFF's attention by telling her that she really wanted a Niles shirt. Peeps, Niles is the cutest shirt ever. No lie. So I was hoping she would just take the bait and make my life easy. Nope. She continued to insist she needed the four-leaf clover shirt. So I sent her a little message.



"Do what you want, woman. You obviously have a talent for ruining surprises.."



Her reply? "Karen told you?"



Just to be clear, I'm pretty sure you could tell Karen the nation's most secret of secrets and she'd be able to keep it. I think there's a rule that the more kids you have, the better you get at witholding information. OF COURSE Karen didn't tell me. What was she going to do? Take a break from her busy day just for the sole purpose of emailing me that AFF was sending us a package? Silly AFF. Nobody can ruin multiple surprises simultaneously like she can.



Anyhoo, Alexis is having a spectacular Valentine's Day thanks to a certain Sweetie Darling.

Bringing Cheery Back

Um, yeah, I'm an idiot. Despite knowing full well that Alexis does not respond well to scolding, that time outs are wasted on her, and that the best way to help her forget that she's mad about something is to change the subject in dramatic fashion, it took me until way too long to initiate our Shake Out the Grumpies Game. My dear sweet Alexis has been back and in full force ever since we jiggled and shook and bounced around like complete idiots (literally shaking out the grumpies--try it sometime, it's physically impossible to stay grumpy when you're shaking your groove thang and yelling "SHAKIN' OUT THE GRUMPIES!" at the top of your lungs). All day long, two has been nothing more than a ghost of it's cranky self. I've known for months that my game was a great way to put an end to one of her foul moods, and I failed her by not thinking of it sooner. My apologies, kiddo.



To make it up to her, I have read her a book that I despise with all of my soul no less than fourteen times so far this evening. I'm sure we'll get at least five more readings in at bedtime because Elmo Does the Hokey Pokey is her current favorite book. She can't even go to sleep at night unless she's clutching it in her tiny little hands. Her mission at the moment seems to be to memorize the words so that she can "read" it by herself. Of course, not yet knowing all the words doesn't stop her from trying:







BTW, Elmo screws up the Hokey Pokey just like he does everything else in this world. The first verse is "Put your right foot in . . ." just like it should be, but the next one is "Put your cookie in . . ." She's got at least got THAT word right. Just very few of the others. Oh, and the way she makes sure she is looking at the pages as she reads? CUTEST. THING. EVER.

A Letter for Alexis

Dear Alexis,

Today has not been one of your best days. It seems that Two invaded your little body sometime during the night, and wrecked havoc on your emotions all. day. long. I knew this morning when you came toddling into my room, all sorts of crabby, that it was going to be a rough one for you.

First, we fought over the television. Apparently, those moments during Sesame Street when Zoe and Elmo are not on the screen do not count as Sesame Street moments. TiVo is our good friend and managed to find Zoe and Elmo for you, but not before you had yourself worked into a tizzy. Then Zoe said something cute and clever, and you melted into a giggly pile of bright yellow Dumbo pajamas and poofy red blankets. Too soon it came time to change you into your school clothes, but you were having none of that; a category 3 meltdown ensued. I forced you into submission, and was rewarded with a gleeful, "Dora!" when you realized I had dressed you in your favorite Dora sweatshirt. To say I was dazed and confused at that point would be an understatement.

It was with a slight sense of relief that I dropped you off at daycare. I would have felt bad about abandoning you with your favorite daycare teacher while you were having a Two Day, but I knew you would adjust and manage to pretend that you weren't quite as miserable as you felt. You seem to have the ability to temper your emotions while in school, so really, it was a good place for you to spend your day.

And then came time to pick you up. All that Two that you had been battling into submission throughout the day came tumbling out of you, faster than you or I could keep up with it. It was a rough time you and I had while we ran into Wal-Mart for a few things. I tried to cheer you with a Starbucks hot chocolate, and it worked! You gleefully giggled as you sucked in a mouthful, then practiced for your future career as a fountain. I still am unable to find the funny in the mess you made all over your newly washed coat and so-new-I-hadn't-even-paid-for-them gloves. I guess I should just be glad you were able to find the funny in anything as Two munched on your soul.

Between hot chocolate eruptions, you entertained your fans with kind words like, "Go away," "Be quiet," and "Stop it." Most people thought it was cute and funny, but I'm pretty sure the woman working at the fabric counter walked away a little hurt inside. She may have even had a tear in her eye. My dear Alexis, I heard a rumor that Wal-Mart will be discontinuing their fabric department. I do believe that woman had already heard your harsh words from others. You cruelly rubbed your salty words into her already open wounds.

To frustrate me further, you became quiet and your words turned to pleasantries when we encountered the woman I wanted to slap. For future reference, if anyone ever again asks you how you got the booboo on your head then proceeds to follow us around, lecturing me on the importance of protecting a child's head, you have my full permission to eat that person alive. While you're at it, feel free to scream, "It's a f@$^ing birthmark, you nosey b(*^h" as you gnaw on her wrinkley skin. That is the only context in which you will ever be allowed to swear. You should take advantage of it.

Once we returned home, the Twoness continued. You suckered Daddy into allowing you to watch an episode of Dora. Those peaceful thirty minutes were the proverbial calm before the storm. It seems that you intended to watch Dora ALL night long. When I didn't see things quite the same way, you went straight to a Category 5 meltdown. Through the tears and shrieks, you threw yourself to the floor, flung toys around, and even slapped me. That, my dear, did not bring out the best in me. You were very fortunate that I was in a shockingly patient mood, for otherwise, I can guarantee you that we would not have played that fun game of "Shake out the Grumpies." I don't know what I would have done, but I'm pretty sure you would still be sobbing. Instead, you are in my lap as I type this letter to you, kissing me all over my face.

Let's start anew tomorrow, Alexis. Can we please pick up right where we left off? I'm pretty sure my nose will want another kiss bright and early in the morning.

Love ya' (even when you're Two),

Mom