Because I Know You Care (Or Do You?)

I totally choked this week. Just call my Chokey McChokerton because I CHOKED. I had the points to win my Fantasy Football game this week, but I had the players with those points on my bench. On the bench they are about as useful to me as that baby bottle sterilizer I never took out of its box (gift receipts could be your friend, people, I swear). I would like to take 100% of the blame for the error of my ways, but I can't. I have to share the blame with the entire state of New York because apparently you people there don't care about football. What the heck is that?

Burress was "questionable" all week because of an ankle injury. Even though I'm a clueless girl, I know enough to bench a player that isn't going to play. But "questionable" means that it's 50/50 that the player will play (just in case you weren't wise to the lingo). Every team uses the lingo a little bit differently. Back in the day, if Plex was "questionable" under Cowher, I would have bet my favorite New Kids on the Block CD that he was going to play. And if I had any doubt, all I would have had to do is turn on the TV game day. Somebody would have been able to tell me what he ate for dinner the prior night and how many times he had gone to the bathroom so far that morning and they DEFINITELY would have been able to tell me if he was going to play.

I have no clue what "questionable" means in New York, so I asked Dr. Google. He didn't know. Neither did any of the news websites or blogs that I asked. All anybody wanted to talk about was that "baseball" thing. I don't understand that "baseball" thing. At all. In fact, that particular sport is dead to me. I just wanted to know if Plex was walking with a limp or not. And I couldn't find out anything other than "questionable with an ankle injury."

People of New York, that doesn't help me. You must be able to enlighten me with useful details. For example, when he drives his big, ugly pickup truck around town, is he hitting the gas with his left foot or his right foot? When he was chasing the strippers around the bar the prior night, was he using a pimp daddy cane? How about, is he standing on the field in his uniform ten minutes before the game? THAT would be helpful. Plex on the bench is like Plex when he was a Steeler. A complete waste of space.

Single Parents Know Something I Don't

One third of the family went to the Steelers game today and left us girls to fend for ourselves. That, of course, led to a Girls Day Out. We thought we would make maximum use of our lack of supervision and go buy our new fall wardrobes. First, we had to make it out of the house.

Usually when one adult is leaving without the other, both wake up and get showered before the first one takes off. For whatever reason, Daddy wanted to leave ridiculously early and I thought I would just sleep and figure out the shower thing after Alexis was awake. Around 8:00 I barricaded her upstairs, closed a couple of doors, and stocked her with toys o' plenty. What I should have done is lock her in her room and piled furniture in front of the door to make sure she couldn't escape. Within ten seconds of me stepping in the shower, she had moved the bathroom door so that it created a perfect deflector for the air conditioning vent. Then she pulled open the shower curtain and screamed "Peek-a-boo!" As she fell into a fit of giggles on the floor, I scurried to stop the cold air that was leaking through the toddler-sized hole where the shower curtain should have been. Once she collected herself enough to stand up, she took off running and started pulling things out of the cabinet under the sink. She distributed the various items all through her room in about 12 seconds and then returned for more "Peek-a-boo!" and a second giggle fit. Then she pulled out all of her bath soaps, gels, and toys and spread them all over the bathroom floor. And "Peek-a-boo!" giggle, giggle. That was followed by her opening all the soaps and gels and the creation of a rather lovely rainbow all over the bathroom rug. I don't really know what I was thinking when I bought the body paint for her, but I do know that if you mix red and yellow body paint with Dora bubble bath, you get a fantastic shade of orange that smells just like watermelon. It would have been even more impressive if I could have enjoyed it without cold air blowing through my shower like an arctic front.

Eventually (well, actually 6 minutes--I just plain gave up), I made it out of the shower somewhat clean. Alexis helped me clean up the disaster site and even put most of the items away herself. She wouldn't tell me what she did with the carpet cleaner, but I think everything else was eventually accounted for. We made it to the mall, spent lots of Daddy's money and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. But I'm pretty sure if you ask Alexis what the best part of the day was, she would say it was that 6 minutes where she was free to do whatever the heck she wanted and no adult was in a position to stop her.

Now I'm left with one question. What the hell do single parents do? Do they just not shower? Handcuff the toddler to the furnace? Really, I'm curious. And in awe of their awesomeness.

Holy Smokes!

When I was looking at older photos yesterday, I couldn't believe the difference a year has made in the disappearance of Alexis' Hemangioma (the birth mark on her forehead). Check it out:

That's with absolutely no medical intervention. We had decided we were going to wait until she was two and if it hadn't started to fade, then we would start thinking about having it removed with a laser. Guess we don't need to worry about that after all :-)