So Long to a Dear Friend

Dear HC,

You've been a great friend for the past year. You've protected Alexis and held her safe countless times. You've been abused in so many ways, and yet you kept giving. You were even there for us during the Great Sippy Incident of 2007.

It's not your fault. It's nothing you did. Alexis just doesn't want you anymore. She wants to be free. So while you continue to be just as rock steady as you always have been, it has occurred to Alexis that you are cramping her style. She just can't be contained a moment longer.

I'm sorry that I have had to replace you. But Daddy is going to take you to the storage shed where you will be safe and sound until there is a use for you again someday. Whether it's another child in our house, or a child somewhere else, you will be appreciated again. I promise.

High chair, I'm going to miss you more than you can ever imagine. But the nightly fights have to end, and it seems Alexis' new big girl chair is the solution. Godspeed, High Chair, Godspeed.

Much love,
Burgh Baby's Mom

Where's Dora?

You know what we haven't done in quite a while? Played Where's Dora! For you newcomers, this is where I prove that Dora is taking over the universe one product at a time. I had never noticed just how thoroughly Dora has infiltrated the world. These days it's brought to my attention about every ten seconds when Alexis yells "Dora!" anytime she spots her. By the way, she yells Dora in her chain-smoking grandma voice. Think Marge Simpson's sisters and you'll be on the right track.

I think you need to know that Dora is on at least 14 different food products. There's yogurt, ice cream, popsicles, soup, fruit snacks, cereal, animal crackers, etc. We have had just about every single one of those things in our house at one time or another. No grocery store aisle is sacred.

The winner, however, is the broccoli. Because everyone should eat Dora broccoli.

I can't even begin to tell you how many articles of clothing the kid has that have Dora on them. But I can tell you that when she wears Dora slippers, she can't go anywhere. Seriously.

The More You Know

Allow me to impart some very valuable knowledge . . .

* Cheap crayons SUCK. Stick to Crayola.
* If you leave the water on long enough, the garden hose will explode. The Husband will probably explode as well, however, so you may not want to try this at home.
* A one-year old can figure out how to unlock a deadbolt, open a door, and run like Forrest straight into the street. Lather, rinse, repeat.
* You can survive on funnel cakes alone. It's easier to do if you have strawberries, ice cream, and whip cream handy.