What to Do, What to Do

Not long after Alexis was moved to the toddler room at daycare, it occurred to me that it seemed a little crazy that we were paying the same amount for her to share her teachers with 19 other kids as we were when she only had to share with 4 other kids. It seems that the Parent Handbook specifically stated that rates were based on ages, now teacher ratio.

Now that seemed like a load of you-know-what to me, so I made like Alexis and threw a fit. And since Alexis is the daycare owner's favorite, it worked. We started paying the toddler rate a while back.

Now we are left to wonder what to do with all of that extra money. We could donate it to the Pirates (they obviously need some sort of help). We could buy a new house. We could buy a twin for Meg so that there was a lump of useless dog on both ends of our couch. We could hire someone to clean our house. We could go on a cruise around the world. The possibilities are endless.

But, the reality is it's only a lousy $5 per week. That's probably not going to make much of an impact on the Buccos. We would have to save for weeks to get even this house. The odds of another dog ever making it through our door during my lifetime are about a zillion to one. The only person that would take $5 per week to clean our house is the five year-old down the street. And $5 would probably get us as far as the Washington, PA. That's not exactly around the world. So I guess I'll just use the money to buy Alexis some more S'mores.

It's Great to be a Burgh Baby, Volume 3

It's great to be a Burgh baby because we have this guy . . . everybody, meet Jackson.

Jackson is the Man. Now you may be wondering why they keep him in that rather unsuitable area. The Pittsburgh Zoo claims its because male elephants are solitary. But really, it's because Jackson truly is the Man. Here, I'll prove it.

Meet Jackson's son, Scotty. He lives in Louisville.

Now meet Jackson's daughter, Tufani. She lives at Disney's Animal Kingdom.

OK, now meet Jackson't daughter, Kianga (she's the bigger one). She also lives at Disney's Animal Kingdom.

And now, meet Jackson's son Kedar. He lives at the Indianapolis Zoo.

Wait, we're not done yet. Jackson also has a daughter in Pittsubrgh. Her name is Victoria. And let's not forget about her step-sister, Calee. I couldn't find a photo of the two of them (and they weren't out when we were at the zoo, as far as I can tell), so you'll have to use your imagination.

These two were out when we were at the Zoo, however. Guess what . . . they're pregnant. Anybody want to guess who's the daddy? (The baby in the middle apparently wasn't fathered by Jackson.)

And that makes Jackson the most "productive" (totally not my word) elephant in the United States. That's one pimp of an elephant, and he lives in the Burgh.

And just what does Alexis think of all these elephant babies?

She thinks Jackson is cheese-tacular.

And Now for a Happy Post--Meet Bear!

Now that I'm done ranting (for the moment, anyway), here's a nice fluffy story. You can tack it on to our zoo adventure.

When you try to exit the aquarium at the Pittsburgh Zoo, you are essentially forced to walk through a little gift shop (thanks, Disney, for giving everyone that idea). That, of course, leads to all persons under three feet in height suddenly sprouting octopus arms and grabbing everything in sight. Since Alexis is a genius, she went for the biggest stuffed animals she could find.

She stumbled around carrying this bear and fish for a solid twenty minutes, risking her own life as she rammed into shelves, people, the floor, and pretty much everything else. Then I told her she had to put them back. She looked at me for a minute and then made a decision. She quickly ran over to the fish pile and threw the two-foot Nemo wannabe back where she found him. And then hugged the bear. Tight. So I told her to put him away. She hugged him some more. So I took him away and put him on the shelf myself. She giggled and smiled and was so happy to see him go. OK, that's a lie. Actually she threw a really major fit in the middle of the store. But I can dream.

So we left empty-handed. But to be honest, we had planned to buy her something on this zoo trip. We just didn't want to carry it around the whole time. So, as we were leaving, we stopped at the gift shop by the exit. Daddy grabbed a miniature version of the bear and tried to hand it to Alexis. But by then, she had already seen him. Her Bear. Her two-foot tall, greatest of all time stuffed Bear. She risked her life again, climbing over fixtures and stacks of books, and grabbed. her. Bear. Then hugged him for dear life.

And that is how Alexis got Bear. Bear is now her very best friend in the whole wide world. I think she might even like him better than Dora. She takes Bear everywhere. No one has to help her carry Bear, because she can do it herself. And when she falls because she trips on him, it's OK, he breaks her fall. Bear is the best.