Buddy

Still the Tiny Human

There are a handful of words you are absolutely not allowed to use when referencing Mila. I mean, you can, but she will rip your face off.

Do not, under any circumstances, call her short, small, a midget, short stuff, little, mini, fun-sized, or really any variation of anything that refers to her size. The thing that makes no sense, though, is that she will absolutely insist that she is Tiny. She introduces herself as Tiny once in a while and gets mad if you refer to someone who is not her as Tiny. SHE IS THE TINY HUMAN, THE END.

Wanna guess who keeps pushing all of those buttons?

If Alexis isn't careful, she's going to wake up with her head shaved and all of her clothes cut into pieces. If she's lucky, that is. Mila is really good at revenge.

It's only a matter of time.

Onward

Hey, so like, is there still a pandemic or ... ?

It's a confusing existence, this thing where life has resumed even as we had over 300 COVID cases per day all last week and an additional ~30 deaths in Allegheny County. Have we just stopped caring? It seems like we've stopped caring. Did we ever care?

Onward we go.

It's so disconcerting.

That feeling of conflict constantly follows me around, but it was loud and clear last week when the Benedum re-opened for shows. On one hand, yay? On the other, are we sure we should be doing this? The good news is that the Cultural Trust has taken a hard line in terms of making sure they are not responsible for the spread of COVID. For those who may be unaware, vaccinations are required to attend events and masks are mandatory at all times. That seems like maybe it's the right way to proceed?

I hope?

I really don't know, but I have season tickets for the Broadway Series which were purchased approximately four decades ago, i.e. befor ethe pandemic. That means I had tickets to A Band's Visit, and ... oof. There was a lot of conflict involved with the decision to go, but that I did. Alexis is fully vaccinated as am I, so we landed ourselves in our seats.

It was ... odd.

But, two things are worth noting:

1. I did not -AT ALL- like A Band's Visit. It has gone directly to the top of my list of shows I don't like because Zzzzzzzz. You can try to tell me it's a great story and I will argue with you because nope. Not a fan over here.

2. The highlight, and I do mean highlight, of the show was the enforcement of masks. There was an older guy in front of Alexis who preferred to wear a chin diaper rather than a mask, which prompted a an usher to visit him and remind him that he needed to cover his breathing holes like a good little boy.

He was annoyed by the reminder.

And he threw a mini hissy fit.

He ranted to the usher about how masks don't do anything and then ... AND THEN! He pulled out the credentials! "I'm a doctor and I know better."

Sir. SIR! What kind of doctor isn't used to wearing a mask all day as it is? Not a medical doctor, that's for certain. Somebody needs to collect their Professor of Dumb because he was running his mouth at the Benedum Friday night.

The best part, though, was the usher's response. She didn't argue with him about whether or not masks stop the spread of an airborne illness, which, let's be honest, would have been a valid smackdown. Intead, her reply was a spectacular work of art.

"That's great that you're a doctor, sir, because that means you can read the print directly on your ticket that says masks are required at all times. If you do not wish to comply with the rules that have been clearly communicated, then you are welcome to stay away."

That deserves a chef's kiss and then some.