Absolutely Not

Remember Jojo?

Yeah, me neither. I mostly forgot he was a thing because children somehow manage to take up all of the extra space in my brain. I WONDER HOW.

Anyway, Jojo was the hamster that Mila got as a reward for sleeping in her own bed. Exactly once. As in, she accomplished the feat to get the prize and then was like, "Well, we're done with that." She went another two years without doing it again and then magically decided that having an alarm wake her up was worth sleeping in her own bed for real.

Yes, really. She started at the beginning of the school year and has stuck with it. AN ALARM WAS THE KEY.

Not a hamster.

Anyway, I have mentioned Jojo in past tense about ten times because he is officially that ... past tense. The senior citizen hamster finally FINALLY travelled across the rainbow bridge last week.

It was the least eventful death of a kid's pet EVER.

Seriously, Mila was like, "Okay. Whatever." I'm guessing that the fact that it was VERY expected (he put the senior in senior citizen - like he needed a cane and talked about how much he loved prune juice and all of it). She was fully prepared and ... sort of just didn't care.

Because of course. Why wouldn't she set a lofty goal, achieve it, and then realize the prize wasn't all that great after all?

Anyway, the fact that Mila completely didn't care that Jojo went to the great Werther's farm in the sky was all I needed to support the decision that there will not be a replacement. It didn't seem to matter that I had made that decision, by the way. Mila didn't ask, so I didn't have to say no.

Until tonight.

Tonight Mila was like, "Can we go to Petsmart?" I know to deny that request before the full sentence is spoken, but that didn't stop Mila from continuing on. "I think I want to pick a new pet. One that doesn't sleep during the day and maybe one that will follow me around and ..."

"Mila, you already have two dogs. You're describing a dog. Pay attention to the dogs you have," I interrupted.

It didn't land well. Mila was apparently trying to describe a lizard.

NOPE.

NOPITY NOPE.

ALL THE NOPES.

It's too bad she already decided to sleep in her own bed because there is literally no way she can beg her way into this one.

Pumpkin

Bring on the Spooky Season and Bring on Tony

I believe I've made it sufficiently clear that I take holidays a bit more seriously than necessary, right? Right. So, this will come as zero surprise.

I added a new friend to my yard for Halloween.

Before I show you that new friend, let's review. First, there was Frank.

Frank is the very giant spider that I built out of PVC, spray foam, burlap, and spray paint back in 2017. While that is one of the original photos of him, not much has changed there. Frank is still going strong, though in the off season, he's going to get some new reinforcements at his joints because he's starting to get a bit arthritic. It's completely understandable, all things considered.

This whole thing was supposed to stop at Frank, but then last year there was this pandemic thing and the girls didn't have to leave the house all that often and, well, I had an idea. That idea's name is Matilda.

Exact same concept. She is PVC, burlap, spray foam, and spray paint, but with a dash of fake flowers thrown in here and there and an abundance of teeth.

So many teeth.

Matilda is forever and always going to be my favorite because she just plain exceeded expectations. I'm considering making her a partner, even, because I think a purple version of her would be pretty spectacular. I mean, look at this beautiful lady at night! She needs friends.

Technically I did give her one new friend this year. Let's revise "she needs friends" to "she needs more flowery friends" so that next year when I build another one, it's just to fulfill Matilda's known destiny.

ANYWAY.

New lawn friend!

Wait! I should probably back up a bit and add a kid to the photo so the scale of said new friend becomes apparent. Ta-dah!

His name is Tony. Tony is about 20 feet tall, though he seems to think he's going to be allowed to have really bad posture and ends up seeming shorter than that. No worries, I think I have figured out how to fix his posture. I'll have him standing tall in the next few days, I just need to find a tall enough ladder and the drill.

ANYWHO.

Tony is also PVC, burlap, spray foam, and spray paint. There are no mysteries to the whole process, though I'm learning how joints can and cannot work if I want things to stay put. See, you really can teach an old dog new tricks! I'm learning things!

Anyway, Tony is magnificent, though not quite as magnificent as Matilda. There's just something about her. I have an idea for upping Tony's street cred next year, though, so maybe he will grow up to be just as great. Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, I should probably dig out that giant inflatable witch. She hasn't joined the giant kingdom in the front yard yet. It's time!