A Funny Thing Happened in Indy
There are about 7,526,913 things Alexis would rather do than sit in Santa's lap. On that list is stab Dora in the face, kick a kitten, and eat nothing but chocolate for a month, so you know it's BAD. Really, really bad. (She's still the only kid I know who thinks lima beans are the best. food. ever.)
We've tried every year, of course. It's our duty as parents to find ways to torture our child and exploit her weaknesses. She managed to sit with him her first Christmas (pretty reluctantly, but TOO BAD SO SAD when you haven't figured out how to walk on your own). Since then, she has, at best, made it to within smelling distance of him. In fact, last year we stood in line for Santa for 45 minutes, her swearing up and down and left and right that she was going to sit on his lap. When it was her turn, however, she walked up to him, scrunched up her face, said he smelled like pee, and ran away bawling.
It was a proud, proud moment.
Despite not actually wanting to touch the Big Guy, Alexis has always stalked him. She has stood in malls, staring from a safe distance. She has waved to him and even blown him kisses, but only when there enough room to parallel park a school bus between the two of them. It has become a sort of joke around our house as Alexis will swear on the life of her favorite dog that she wants to talk to him, but we know she's not going to do it. Ever.
So when she insisted that she wanted to stop and wave to him at a mall in Indianapolis on Black Friday, I knew how the story would end. There was absolutely no line at all and kids NEVER take advantage of convenience, so I assumed we would stand there for about ten minutes before she flipped out. Then she would ask to return once the line was wrapped around the mall, out the door, and down the street.
Well, either she smoked some crack when I wasn't looking, Aunt Teresa (who was with us) is magical, or she's growing up.
I was stunned silent. STUNNED SILENT. That never happens to me.
Obviously, this monumental occasion demanded that I buy the crappy mall Santa photo. I quickly glanced through the three or so choices and opted to get a 5x7 of the one that Alexis looked best in.
$17 dollars and a few hours later, I looked back at the photo. In my haste to make a selection before the kid realized the error of her ways and lost her shizznet, I hadn't bothered to so much as glance at Santa. I mean, he's a pro. He should know to not make Creepy-I'm-About-to-Murder-Your-Kid Face, right?
Apparently not.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Reader Comments (23)
The first thing I thought when I saw the photo was "That is the creepiest, most non-Santa looking Santa EVER!" Since when is Santa's beard salt and pepper colored?? And since when does he look like he'd rather be gnawing on a turkey leg? Of course she picked THIS Santa to have her photo taken with... at least she looks adorable!
creeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.
not alexis, of course, although it *IS* creepy that she picked this one to snuggle up to.
and didn't i always tell you that as soon as you think you have it all figured out, she will yank the rug out from under you??????
Wow. Serial killer Santa notwithstanding...kudos to Alexis! I still have not been able to get Elise (5) and Lydia (3.5) to sit with Santa. Hell, last year I parked Lydia next to a blow up santa in Big Lots while Grandma paid for Stuff-A-Bus toys and she burst into tears. They want nothing to do with Santa in person
The elves need to cobble Santa a toothbrush. Ugh.
Perhaps the lack of the long, anxiety filled line waiting was enough to keep her from working herself up about sitting on a strange creepy santa's lap. Santa creeps me out, so I don't blame the kids who are so terrified of him.
Ha! I have NEVER seen a good Santa shot from a mall. You should see the one my friend sent out one year to everyone. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Her kid is screaming bloody murder, and Santa is making a face that says as soon as he gets a break, he's going to down that flask of Vodka he has hidden in his pocket.
Oh, and I wanted to tell you, and the other locals that the Santa at Pittsburgh Mills is AMAZING!! He really looks like Santa (real beard and everything), and he is SO good with the kids. Not that my kid would go near him, but I watched him with others.
OMG, I know exactly what mall you were at - that is OUR Santa, although I have to say he usually isn't that creepy looking. My son had his picture taken with him three years in a row, the last time insisting that I get in on it as well, and then last year flatly refusing not once, but twice... So perhaps the kid was on to something??
"too bad so sad when you don't know how to walk" made me laugh out loud.
Caroline has managed to sit in Santa's lap exactly twice -- once when she was about 4 months old (see too bad so sad above) and once when she was about 2. The years in between were filled with screams of terror upon approaching the Big Guy. I had an out of body experience about two years ago when I saw myself forcing my screaming child to sit in Santa's lap and I asked myself "WHAT are you doing?" Since then I haven't forced the issue. I really can't afford the therapy bills that will come down the road.
And, um, I hate to say it, 'cause it seems kind of sacrilegious or something, but that is one creepy looking Santa!
The creepiest part of the whole Santa thing is that the kids know he knows how to get into your house.
Maybe kids aren't afraid of Santa, but of what Santa might tell the parents. After all, he's seen every naughty thing they've ever done.
LOL. That is the scariest Santa face. EVER. I am laughing out loud, which makes me cough. So, thanks for that.
She is growing up. I'm kind of sad at how long her legs are on his lap.
We're going today. I've already seen how they've changed the photo setup at our mall and I'm already displeased. But whatever. Roar.
Juliana was the sane way - stand in line for a while and then panic, watch and wave. Let's go look at santa over the balcony... Last year we were at Disney in December and she happily waited in line for the Santa at Epcot (the best santa I have every seen), walked right up and chatted with him when it was her turn. Maybe the getting older, maybe some Disney magic, either way I was so happy I could take as many pictures as I wanted for free :)
santa actually looks pretty good in the photo that you took, but dude sure dude jack up the "professional" one. sheesh.
i love that alexis is pushing her boundaries and keeping you on your toes. very, very cool.
i too like the picture you took.
my kids (9) (7) (5)
won't go near santa.
they wave and sort of shout out what they want.
my mother gives me lots of grief about not
having a picture of them with santa.
they'll probably be in therapy either way!
Still better than the Mumples: I have ONE, count 'em, ONE pic of the Howler near Santa--and it's not just the Howler & Santa, it's the snotbag Blondie too, and I'm not complaining, since I got ONE in 8 years...but you know, she spazzed and freaked (and I do mean FREAKED) out around Santa since she was less than a year old. Yes, a stuffed Santa character chair = freak out. Walmart photo chicklet saying, "now we'll get a picture of you with Santa" and changing the background = FREAK OUT. (Those were some FAB pics, let me tell you).
So, the short of my long story is YOU STILL HAVE IT BETTER THAN THE MUMPLES! And YES, I am including the weird Santa making faces in the equation, too.
It must be the age b/c up until this year my daughter screamed & cried when Santa approached (she's 5) and this year we went to Macy's and she practically ran & hopped up on his lap. We have photographic evidence although on the sly b/c I wasn't paying Macys for the pics seeing that my 2 yr old took her sister's place and screamed when I even mentioned she sit on his lap. She clawed at me I thought she was going to crawl back in the womb. So then Santa's like "here mom you sit on my lap with her" (really Santa? is that necessary?) & she still screamed so you can imagine what those pictures looked like. Good times!
At least he looks like a nice Santa in the photo you took ...
I'm pretty sure he is about to grow fangs and horns and devour an entire small city.
Also, this is just one of the many ways your kid is awesome. Just when you think you've got her figured out, she does this. Alexis, I admire you kiddo.
We've had the same Santa for the last 7 years! The photos are unbelievable when you put them all together! Creepy or not, it still rocks! Merry Christmas:)
Hee hee hee....oh, he's so awful that he kinda has made my day!
Poor Alexis! Just when she gets over her fears, all of us are going, "What are you DOING getting near that guy?!" lol
She looks great. I agree he doesn't look so great. It is quite funny though that he would be the santa she choose to sit with and hug!
OMG. I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a month because Hello Creepy Santa!
The first thing I noticed about that photo is "OMG! Alexis' legs are like 8 feet long! When did she become such a tall short person?!"