A Lesson Learned From Steubenville
As eyes turn towards Steubenville and a verdict, I flash back to the months I spent there. None of it matters, but I have family who lives there. I've seen some of Steubenville's ugly up close and personal. I've seen it up close and personal enough to know that the things that happen there can happen anywhere.
Crimes go unreported. Drugs pass hands right in front of law enforcement. Bribes are accepted. Cover-ups happen. It all happens. Everywhere.
The testimony that has been revealed during the case the past few days has left me thinking one thing -- so many parents failed. So many parents did everything they could to raise a kid who would choose to do the right thing, but so many kids failed to do anything positive. Instead, they laughed. And mocked. And played along.
How does a teen see a naked young adult lying passed out on the floor take a photograph and then walk away?
How does a teen sit in a basement and laugh and laugh about how "dead" a young lady is? How does another teen videotape the rant and laugh?
How does a teen read a text describing a situation that is so clearly wrong and reply back with LOL?
There are bigger villains in the case, but ... man. If my kid were to be the person who took that photograph or recorded that video or read that text and my kid did nothing to stop what was happening, I would be crushed.
Maybe that's the take away from this case. There's nothing we can do to change the past, but maybe we can change the future. Maybe it is our responsibility to teach our kids to text us the words, "Help, I don't know what to do?" or teach them to call the police or teach them to just do ... something. Anything. Intervene in some way.
Just ... do something.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Reader Comments (7)
To me as a parent to an 18yr old, 15yr old and 9yr old
The older 2 being boys and if I found out another of them did ANYTHING like what those young men did I would be devestated!
After that wore off I would seriously destroy their lives..NOT defend them!..I would honestly help send them to jail where they belong
As their mother it would break my heart but I would want them to pay for the pain they have caused that going lady and her family.
Yes maybe she should've never went but that's neither here nor there...am I sounding harsh? Maybe..but I know deep in my heart that they did a horrible thing and they need to pay for their stupidity
Its so sad that now a days people are so quick to take a pic and post to social media or text back and forth the actions instead of helping someone in a very vulnerable situation
I try to constantly remind my boys to remember to never take pics of this and that. Find a teacher you trust at school for help because sadly some just do not want to interfere in high school. Thank you for the reminder on this case. I live in Columbus and have become a bit immune to all the coverage in Steubenville. It is a different world for our kids.
My words exactly to my husband. I've had this conversation with my 13 year old daughter over the last 2 years. We have a code word she can use to call me and tell me that something is not right with the situation she is in or with her and she needs us to come get her - no questions asked, no yelling, no nothing - just we will drop what we are doing and be there. Then later we will discuss it. I hope that if she is ever presented with witnessing a situation like this that my phone rings.
I love Mia's idea. I can remember being that age and telling my parents I was going one place when I really ended up being somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. And things would get bad and weird and I just wanted to go home, but I couldn't call them because I obviously wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. I think everyone's been in between that rock and hard place...
I very, very strongly don't like the "blame the parents" arguments milling around right now. I made really bad choices as a teen and a young adult and most of them are not a direct result of how I was raised, what I was taught. Some might have been different had certain conversations taken place, but that's speculation as well.
BUT
Your point that teaching our kids to come to us -- to someone -- and say, "I don't know what to do." Yes. Yes to that. I think that starts with having open conversations with our kids in which we admit to not knowing what to do ourselves, that there are times that we're left questioning ourselves and situations and that we really need to seek the help of other trusted individuals in our lives. Very, very good point, friend.
Too often, even for adults, the world is a "go along to get along" kind of place. Nobody wants to be the one to step up, alone, and say "NO" even if it's something so glaringly wrong as rape. It's a lonely place to be, saying "stop. don't. no. this is wrong." We can't expect our children to do that if we, the adults, aren't willing to. And for teenagers it's even harder, because everything is about fitting in, being cool, appearing grown up & in control.
With the Howler turning 11 in just a few days, we're already walking in the minefield of right & wrong, being loyal, being accepted, staying true to yourself, the pain of not fitting in...every day it's a new decision of how to help her survive an increasingly scary world.
I just hope that we give her what she needs so that if she ever has to choose between going along to get along, and doing the caring, compassionate right thing by standing alone and saying "don't. enough. no." she'll be able to.
oh how i wish parents would teach kids to trust them to know that the kid could always, always come to them with any problem, at any time of day or night. i've done some really, really stupid shit, but i always knew if i needed her my mom would help or guide me through any situation. as much as i thought i could handle anything, i never doubted that she knew more and would assist if i asked. and whoooooooo boy, did i ask.