A Little Less Conversation Should Have Been SHUT UP, RYAN
One thing is for certain - Alexis can never be friends with Joe McIntyre. In order to be friends with Joe McIntyre, you have to have at least an inkling of appreciation for Frank Sinatra and Alexis does not. In fact, Alexis has negative appreciation for Frank. He is boring and dumb and jokes about alcoholism way too much and ... wait ... that wasn't the real Frank.
That was "Almost Sinatra" and it's a good thing we weren't there to see him because HOOBOY did Alexis not enjoy a concert with him. She so badly loathed every second of him singing that she asked to leave before the whole reason we were there took the stage.
Elvis.
Yes, I am that awesome. I am the mom who took her Elvis-loving 10-year old to a concert featuring an Elvis impersonator.
Once Alexis suffered through the horror that was Frank, fake Elvis took the stage and it was GAME ON. If you'd expect a concert featuring a fake Elvis that's held at the Monroeville Convention Center to be full of hilarious cheesiness, you are correct! And it was amazing!
At first.
For the first half of the fake Elvis concert, Alexis was in her own personal heaven. He sang many of her favorite songs and it was everything I had hoped it would be. Everyone was seated at a table and yet my girl managed to get her groove on even with her booty parked in a chair. But then a weird thing happened. The weird thing was probably 75 years old and super pissed that fake Elvis wouldn't sing the song she wanted to hear. She stood at the edge of the stage yelling at fake Elvis and he yelled right back. Well, not literally, but he did roll his eyes at her, tell her to go have a bunch more drinks and FOR REAL, FAKE ELVIS FOUGHT WITH A GRANDMA IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
Days later, I still don't have words to describe how odd the whole scene was. It wasn't funny odd, either. It was the kind of odd that makes you want to slink to the back of the room, sneak out the door, and pretend you weren't there. Unless, of course, you're the two women who interrupted the fight by running up to the stage and demanding a selfie. In the middle of the concert. In the middle of the fight between an elderly fan and a fake Elvis during the middle of a concert.
I don't even know.
And then things got weirder. Apparently fake Elvis forgot to check his ego at the door and he started making fun of the audience. A lot. He called women out and told them to drink more and made fun of them for dancing and generally acted a jerk. That was between singing songs that nobody knew, which IT'S ELVIS. How hard is it to look through his list of songs and find the ones that people know? What kind of devoted crazed superfan knows about Crawfish? NOT ALEXIS. Or me. Or the women that were at the table behind us.
From the obscure weird songs and odd mocking of the crowd, it went straight downhill. Fake Elvis took advantage of the average age of the audience (easily 70+) and started acting a fool. First he started wiping his nasty sweaty armpits (I AM NOT KIDDING) on scarves and throwing them out to the crowd. I'm going to pretend I didn't see some grandmothers fighting over those nasty sweaty scarves because I'd rather not think that some women can't figure out how disgusting that is.
Senility is cruel.
Between all of the sweaty scarves there was a moment when he called everyone up to the stage and went grandma by grandma kissing the "fans." If you're wondering why every elderly woman in Pittsburgh has some sort of communicable disease this week, THERE YOU ARE. FAKE ELVIS SPREAD THAT.
You guys, fake Elvis is probably in his 30s. His parents were working the souvenir table a few feet from the stage. It cost a whopping $30 for a ticket to that show. There were a few hundred grandmothers who shelled out that $30 only to be mocked and ridiculed by a guy who has made a career out of looking and sounding like a dead guy.
It was even more horrifying than it sounds.
It was so bad that Miss Alexis, she who worships all things Elvis, asked to leave early. I made her suffer through the last few songs, but then had to spend the next hour telling her not to let some jerk ruin the real Elvis for her.
Seriously, Ryan Pelton, aka Fake Elvis, managed to ruin all the good karma Uncle Jesse built up over the years.
It's going to take a lot of episodes of Full House to fix this mess. Poor Alexis.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Reader Comments (2)
i have to admit, i like crawfish a lot better when real elvis sings it in that clip you posted. fake elvis was upstaged by the woman who performed that song with him. of course, fake elvis was also upstaged by that high school kid backup dancer.
Why can't adults act like adults? Seriously. Poor Alexis. Not all Fake Elvis' are like that.