Ali Cat, Bug Destroyer Extraordinaire
I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Some people who are so very fortunate as to be married to me think I do it too much, which, whatever. I'd rather get called Public Defender all the time than be the jerk calling other drivers names when they can't even hear all the insults I'm yelling. Ahem.
I'm going to go ahead and blame that thing where it takes me a long time to be willing to decide someone is a jerk or is dishonest or is stupid as my excuse for why I just recently figured out that our kitten Ali is about as bright as a box of black and gray crayons.
Sure, she spends hours each day lunging at the patio doors trying to catch the wasps on the other side of the glass. Just because she wants to smack a bug doesn't mean she's dumb for ramming her head into the glass fifty times a day, right?
And, yeah, she does spend a lot of time going *boing* *boing* *boing* as she jumps up and smacks at the fish in the aquarium. I can see how chasing a bright orange blob would be fun. Maybe one of these times the aquarium glass won't be there and she'll manage to catch a fish. It could happen! (Really. These things could happen.)
In retrospect, leaping up and smacking a spot of red paint on the wall is sort of a doofus move, but I hate that red paint enough to understand how it may cause a few angry brain cells. Maybe the poor cat thought she could get rid of the spot if she could rub dirt all over it. Or something.
OK, so all of that together should have been enough for me to realize we don't have exactly have the Einstein of cats on our hands. It wasn't, though. It took the epic stinkbug invasion for me to see the light.
Here's the thing--that cat TOTALLY earns her keep each and every day. Ali is a bug-destroying machine, far more effective than a flyswatter, a bug zapper, and a Venus Flytrap combined. She sees a bug, she kills a bug. She kills a bug, she eats a bug. IT'S PERFECT. Not only has she greatly reduced the fly population of SW Pennsylvania, she has destroyed the evidence as she goes.
So it wasn't really a surprise when she started going after any stinkbugs that happened to make it into the house. Many times I have guffawed at the stupidity of a stinkbug as it crawled all over a screen, trying like crazy to find a hole big enough to start an invasion of the indoors. Go ahead, you smelly little jerk, c'mon in! The cat will just kill you!
And she did.
She killed bunches and bunches of them, and managed to do it in a way that kept them from releasing the stink.
I kept getting rid of them before she could resort to making a buffet out of their carcasses. I'm cool like that. But then one day, she started to feast before I could intervene.
The look on her face as she ate that bug was a lot like the look on a baby's face the first time it sucks on a lemon. In fact, I think I have now seen the face that spawned the word "sourpuss." The puss? She was SOUR. And PISSED. She still ate the whole bug, but she made all sorts of angry faces and grunty noises as she did it, which really just made her sound like an out-of-control game of Angry Birds.
(I hate those stupid green pigs, btw.)
I thought surely she-who-looked-like-she-might-puke would have learned her lesson and wouldn't eat another stinkbug. SURELY!
Yeah. Not so much.
She keeps eating them. Each time she acts like it's a total surprise that they taste like poop dipped in puke wrapped in awfulness.
Ali is not too bright, but at least she uses her stupid for good.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Reader Comments (19)
Screw those pigs! I hate the mustache one the most. It took me a week to get past that level!
RE: Angry Birds - my 5 year old refers to beating a level of that game as "making piggy paste" because he gets to smush the pigs.
it doesn't hurt that she is a cute cat, i would think.
She is a beautiful kitty. It's a bonus that she's functional.
GO ALI!!! That was my first suggestion when the stinkbug epidemic hit. Find a cat. That is all fun and games for them. Mine kills moths. The moths that come in because they (yes all 3) insist on me leaving my bedroom window open every night so they can prowl on the back porch roof.
Oh and they bring me baby bats as gifts!
lmao thank you for this... it totally made my day. I laughed hard enough that the people on the sidewalk outside my window thought I was insane.
My cats won't kill bugs, they just knock them off the wall so that *I* can't kill them.
Hey...cat's aren't the only stupid animals. My dog ate one...then another...then puked. I wrote about it last week:
http://blog.brainlint.net/2010/09/invasion/
It still hasn't sunk in that he shouldn't eat them :-(
Not stupid. Brilliant! ;) Love, love, love the shot of her :)
I'm jealous of your stink bug eating cat. Our cat doesn't eat them and didn't care much when I started freaking out trying to capture the 10 or so a day that found their way inside, without making them release the stink, or when I glared and sobbed 'go away' at all the ones on our kitchen windows. We finally sprayed bug killer and now I cackle with glee when I see their dead bodies on the sill or stuck in the screen. No thanks to the cat.
I'm fairly certain that my cat wouldn't be smart enough to kill a stinkbug without it releasing its horrible stench. I've seen him with a caterpillar, and insects, bugs are mere toys. It would likely be dropped on my lap or desk while I'm working too, which is decidedly NOT OK.
Again, it's all in the game -- and that game is torture ME.
BTW, haven't smelled one of these things yet, being new to PGH and all, but definitely not looking forward to it.
Our puppy...same thing. And she continues to eat them and make the ZOMG-this-thing-tastes-like-gross-wrapped-in-terrible-but-i-cant-stop-myself face. Cracks me up & LOVE that she eats bugs. Watching her play with then eat spiders...JOY!
neither of my dogs has had the courtesy to kill or eat a damn stinkbug. next year i might need to borrow your gorgeous little kittah.
My dogs are so dang lazy that flies land on them and they don't even twitch.
Alex, OTOH, repeats that sourpuss face game with lima beans. They're the only veggie he won't swallow, but he'll pick them up, put one in his mouth, chew, get the "what the hell is this?" look on his face, pull it out, put it on his tray, then pick up ANOTHER lima bean.
Fun stuff.
Ohhhh that picture is so awesome. It almost makes me want to get another kitty! Or like I could pet my screen and feel downy kitty fur.
Ah, if only all the stupid in the world would use their powers for good.
My kitten makes a good neck warmer. That is his job this winter I've decide. Bastard needs to earn his keep.
Ali looks just like my Aelish!
http://bit.ly/bTs6Z8
Aelish likes to play with bugs too - hasn't seen a Stink Bug in person yet that I know of. Unlike yours, Aelish came without a tail :)
Heh. Stupid. But stupid and USEFUL. Not like that story will get brought up in any future arguments. :)
Holy crap, she does look exactly like Aelish. Since Andy commented though, Aelish has seen a stink bug and ate it. Then again, since then Aelish has eaten a leaf, half of a coupon, some paint chips, a bit of tinfoil and several strands of my broom. That I know of....