An Ode to Hotwings
North Dakota is a weird place where kids are allowed to be grownups entirely too soon. I personally thought it was fantastic when I was a teen, but looking back, it was a catastrophe waiting to happen.
You guys, I've had my drivers license since the week of my 14th birthday. Legally. Those of you who have 14-year-old kids go ahead and ponder the thought of them being allowed to drive right now. Nightmares, right? Right.
Another thing kids who are practically still babies are allowed to do is have a job. If you can drive, you can work. You might need a work permit (which back in the olden days was essentially permission from your school), but there was nothing else stopping me when I decided to start working for a concessions company when I was 14. It was actually a pretty cool job that entailed working at the fairgrounds for the State Fair, concerts, hockey games, rodeos, dirt track races, bingo nights, and every other hick thing that North Dakota is known for. I actually ended up working there all through high school and returned to the job when I was home for the summer during college.
There are lots and lots and lots of stories I could tell from working for that concession company, but there is one that has been front and center in my mind ever since Kennywood announced it was going to have a beer garden.
I've done the beer garden thing. I wasn't impressed.
You had to be 18 to serve alcohol back then (which may very well still be the case--I'm too lazy to research), so when I was too young to shove beer in the faces of drunk people, sometimes I had the pleasure of being The Wing Girl.
As in hotwings.
Go ahead. Laugh. It's all good.
I imagine there are two reasons why I was consistently assigned Wing Girl duties. It sure does help profits if your workers aren't eating the food, and who better to have selling wings than a vegetarian? The fact that I am and have always been pretty good at working independently is probably the other half of the equation. I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do or when to do it, so I could be left all alone in that booth that was stashed just to the side of the stage in the middle of the beer garden.
So. Picture it. The beer garden was surrounded by a fence and had a steel building off to one side. There were windows in that steel building where beer was sold. Way over on the other side of the enclosed area was me and my little 10' x 10' booth with hotwings. There was a stage to my side where the very worst in wannabe country musicians played nightly during the State Fair. Every single inch of space between those structures was filled with drunken cowboys and girls with big hair and even bigger mouths. Nobody went into the beer garden to enjoy the music. They were there to drink. A lot.
And then there was me. Stone-cold sober, sarcastic, and surrounded by stupid.
My absolute favorite night EVER at the North Dakota State Fair took place one of those nights when I was surrounded by drunks while pedaling wings. Some crappy band was on stage screaching "I'd Be Better Off In A Pine Box" (I am so not kidding. I wish I were.) when suddenly a 20-something in tight Wranglers, a black button up shirt, and a hideous cowboy hat jumped up on stage and grabbed the microphone.
"I have something really important I need to ask," he told the band. A hush fell over the crowd as everyone waited for security to show up and toss him out. Before they could work their way through the crowd, however, the guy drug what I assume was his girlfriend up on stage with him. He wobbled as he tried to kneel down on one knee, but somehow managed to string together a bunch of gibberish about loving the blond with the big hair and plaid button-down shirt.
And then he proposed.
If he hadn't been so obviously drunk, it might have been sweet. Sort of. I'm not entirely sure because I had the stench of hotwings all up in my business. That tends to make your brain do weird things. One thing is does is cause you to howl with laughter when the blond with the big hair and plaid button-down shirt doesn't quite manage to answer the question because WHOOPS! She puked all over the poor wannabe cowboy.
Seriously. She opened up her mouth seemingly to say "Yes" and instead blew chunks all over the guy.
Best. Night. Ever.
And also one of many reasons why I'm thinking having a beer garden next to Alexis' favorite roller coaster at Kennywood is probably not a great idea.
(I think I had that same hat right around when I was playing Wing Girl. Heh.)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Reader Comments (9)
If they are still together do you think they have changed the story of their engagement or do they own it because it is different like them.
I am wearing a hat like that in some of my senior pictures.
Debbie Gibson hat.
And yeah, I know that song. I love country music, but some of it...come on. That one, was a ballad! Ha
I am not a fan of the beer at Kennywood thing. They have enough idiotic behavior as it is. And I used to be a HUGE Doug Stone fan and loved that song. SHUT UP.
I also had that hat. And just last night my husband and I sat on the back porch, drinking beer, agreeing that beer at Kennywood is a bad idea.
I also had a drivers license at the age of 14!! Drove myself to 8th grade! The thought of my 14 yr old driving kinda makes me throw up in my mouth!
Ha! Oh my god that is AMAZING. I have mixed feelings about the beer garden. On the one hand, I really would LOVE to be able to have a beer at Kennywood. But it is an amusement park, and drinking + riding is not going to be a pretty picture.
Awesome story.
I'm not in favor of beer at Kennywood. I don't think it goes so well with the rides or the kids there. There is already enough stupid behavior going on, why add beer to the mix? I think it will only reduce the fun of the place for families and high school kids, arguably the two largest groups visiting Kennywood.
I agree that beer at Kennywood is a bad idea. my kiddo is finally tall enough to ride the jackrabbit, and she cannot wait. I certainly don't want her 1st experience on a roller coaster to be with drunks who might puke on her!!
wow, alexis is rocking that hat! love!
your story is hilarious. and exactly a great reinforcement that as much as i love beer, kennywood ain't the place for it.