Britney is Back, Dammit

While it seems like most of the internet has cooled its jets with the whole Elf on the Shelf thing, Mila is over here going WOOOAH! ELF! LET'S DO THIS!

It's terribly unfair.

Alexis was only into the Elf thing for a couple of years, but she was WAY in during those couple of years. The whole thing was enough to make me swear off all elfiness forever and ever amen. Do you know how many times I woke from a dead sleep panicked because I had forgotten to move the dumb thing? And how many times I had to dash into the house ahead of Alexis, play like a ninja and sneaky move it because I had forgotten the previous day? The whole thing was nothing but a hassle. I distinctly remember once army-crawling across Alexis' bedroom floor because I needed to grab the stupid thing but she was sound asleep in her bed. I smashed my head when she stirred and I tried to dive beside a bookshelf and OOF. That was a bad night.

We really didn't need to do that again. Ever.

But then along came Mila.

For her first five Christmases, Mila didn't seem to care about the Elf AT ALL. It was SO GREAT. I'd put the thing in one place, Mila completely wouldn't care enough to look for it, and I'd leave it there for a week. There were no panic attacks or, well ... I didn't put any effort into any of it.

And then came this year.

Mila started talking about the Elf a few weeks ago. But, initially, she jumped straight to the conclusion that she hadn't found the Elf yet, so it hadn't moved. As in, she assumed it was around and she just didn't know where.

Confession: It was at the bottom of a drawer. Not on a shelf. Because I didn't bother to take it out.

I rolled with that theory for two whole weeks. Mila kind of looked for it, but mostly assumed she just wasn't a good looker and OH WELL! Some day the Elf will show up!

It was so great.

But then Mila seemed to start taking it to heart that she was failing to find the Elf. She was sad enough about the whole thing to convince me that I would let it make an appearance. I thought she would find it once and we would be done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

There was a point tonight when I had an Elf shoved up my shirt and Elf clothes shoved in my pocket and was trying to get Mila to leave the room without saying "GO AWAY, SMALL CHILD" and really it was ugly. So ugly.

Mila's lucky she's so darn cute. This Elf thing is not how I planned to spend my adult years.