Conspiring Against My Sanity

One of Alexis' goals in life is to torture me. For real, she enjoys it muchly. Watching me squirm at cheer competitions, knowing I'm losing brain cells when watching a dance recital, it all makes her gleeful. That's why it was no surprise when she decided she wanted to be in the high school play.

Which, first of all, sixth graders are not high school students. It is shenanigans that they're allowed to participate, even if it's just as extras. My baaaaabbbbbyyyy can't stand on a stage with a high school senior as if they're equals. One is a baby. One is basically an adult. NOT THE SAME.

Ahem.

Anyway, Alexis enjoys torturing me, so of course she would be in a play just so I would have to go watch. Call me crazy, but sitting through a high school production of anything sounds like a bad idea. But, the trick is on Alexis because watching her enjoy herself is the best thing in the world. Watching her be happy can be framed in any situation and I will be fine. (Shhhh. Don't tell her.)

The performances were a few weeks ago and I went into them with a plan. I planned to watch one complete show AND NO MORE EVER EVER EVER. Alexis was on board with this plan. She thought I should attend opening night and that was it. Truly, she was cool with me skipping all of the other performances.

She's a good kid. Er, baaaaabbbbbyyyy. She's a good baaaaabbbbbyyyy.

When opening night arrived, Alexis and I prepared to leave for the performance but then Mila sensed a disturbance in the universe. She somehow magically knew I was trying to leave without her. So, that was great. She threw a fit and I ended up shoving her in the car because, well, you know what happens when you take a human who can't sit still to a high school play? YOU GET TO WALK OUT EARLY. Mila was my ticket to stepping out into a hallway before the show was over!

Alexis would never know. I would fulfill my obligation but then I would get out of half of it and HUZZAH!

Alas, a strange thing happened. The kid who has never in her life sat still was completely mesmerized by the play. I mean, she couldn't move. She watched every second of the show with the level of attention I thought she could only pay to candy. She stared with wide eyes and her mouth slightly ajar and man. The kid really, really, really likes theater.

So we watched the whole show. My plan was foiled, but it was okay because I got to enjoy two happy kids for two hours. Two for the price of one!

And then came the next day. I planned to drop Alexis off for the afternoon show and then run to the grocery store. I didn't need to watch because I had already done my civic duty or whatever.

Buuuuut ... Mila.

Mila caught wind of where Alexis was going and she threw herself head first into demanding that she go, too. She wanted to see the show again and nothing I said could convince her otherwise. I tried every way of bribing her. Alas.

We went to a second showing.

And then a third because of course we did. Fun fact: high school plays don't get better with subsequent showings. In fact, you start to know when the cheese factor is going to be catastrophic so you notice it even more. I mean, WOW. It was bad. The kids did a great job, but it was still a high school theater production. So.

Basically, I ended up going to every showing of the high school play. It was a special form of torture that made me wonder if it was part of the bigger plan. Is it possible that Mila likes to make me miserable just as much as Alexis? And that they worked together to make the entire week as painful as possible?

Wait. Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure the answer is "yes."

Oye.