Contagions
The thing about first grade girls is that they mostly like each other. They have moments of being jerks to one another, but mostly they're friends. All of them.
Which is exactly why it's not a good idea to hand each of them a folded piece of paper. They will open it. They will read it. They will compare notes.
That's how it came to be that Alexis learned how she measures up. Literally. It's how she learned that she's the sixth tallest girl in her class. It's how she learned that she got the same score on the vision test as one of her friends. It's what led to her discovery that she passed the hearing test, just like all of the other girls in her class.
Which, the hell? I do not believe this nonsense that involves first grade girls being able to hear. That means they all can hear, but choose to not listen. BLASPHEMY! It would be easier to cope if it turned out that there is a temporary disorder that effects little kids and renders them partially deaf. WHY DO YOU IGNORE YOUR PARENTS, SMALL CHILDREN?
Anyway.
There was a folded piece of paper customized for each child in the class, and the girls took the time to open their notes and review the results. The health exams covered all of the basics.
Including weight. And BMI.
Alexis didn't mention the kerfluffle until weeks had gone by and I had thrown away the piece of paper, so I don't know what the numbers said. She does. She can tell you that she is the fourth heaviest girl in her class, but that her BMI put her at nearly the top of her class. Through a series of conversations and note-comparing and general stupidity that a common in the first grade, she came to the conclusion that she is fat. Fatter than her classmates.
Obese. She used the word "Obese" to describe herself.
"It said on the paper that I'm nearly obese, momma!" she reported. She also reported feeling hurt and sad and self-conscious about the whole thing. The story came to light one morning when she declared herself "too obese" to wear a particular shirt.
I have never once commented on my own weight in front of her. Never. Once. I refuse. I will not be that mom who complains she needs to diet and goes on and on about jeans being too tight or any of that nonsense. That crap is contagious and she is not getting it from me. NO WAY.
Apparently that doesn't matter. That crap is contagious, and you can catch it through contact with other first graders.
Dammit.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Reader Comments (21)
BMI is a bullshit, outdated measurement that needs to go. There are too many confounding factors.
How sad that already in the first grade, she feels that way. :( She doesn't even look "overweight" at ALL.
^What Gina said. Plus the problems with BMI are soooo much worse in kids, since their bodies are growing and changing so fast. It just makes zero sense as a measurement for adults and negative sense for kids.
It sounds like you are setting Alexis up to have a good relationship with her body, despite the kids at school. My mom has always been obsessed with her weight and began referring to me as overweight/obese in high school (I probably could have stood to lose a few pounds, but that is NOT something you tell a 15 year old!). I hate playing the blame game but I really feel like a lot of my body issues come back to that. So, kudos to you for promoting positive body image.
Oh, this breaks my heart. I was always tall (though not anymore!), had big feet, and was never the one wearing "slim" jeans. Alexis is smart, funny, and so dang cute. She will have the self-confidence to overcome this.
I can'tstress eenough how much I hate, Hate, HATE those measurements. A first grader shouldn't even know the word obese, let alone think she is obese. There isn't an obese bone in that child's body. Ugh...
I would raise holy hell at school! This is ridiculous. Girls especially internalize this stuff. BMI is a joke for most people. My husband is extremely healthy and it determines he is obese, once when he was really ill for a few months he hit his BMI and looked liked he was extremely ill. I do hope she forgets this :(
I WANT TO SMASH THINGS.
This makes me stabby. I'm with everyone else above me - she shouldn't even know the word "obese". Ugh!
I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this.
This is crap and poor Alexis. Many many hugs to her and you. You are a great example and I am sorry that she read something that her young eyes should not have seen. Those should be mailed to the parents, not handed to the children.
Why would the school feel it was okay to hand this information, unsealed and not directed to the parents, to the students? At my son's school it was sent home in the mail and addressed to the parents. And, I agree, BMI is total crap. My son's physician once said to me if you just go by the numbers I would say he needs to lose weight. However, he is standing in front of me and is fit, athletic and solid muscle. Just keep him active and eating healthy and don't worry about it.
To echo what Chris just said, try to explain to Alexis that muscle weighs more than fat, so you can't go by the raw numbers. She is fit and healthy, and no one needs numbers to see that.
So sorry she feels that way, and all because of those number, they should not even measure that in school.
I remember getting weighed at school and having the numbers shouted across the gym. It was horrifying. And I actually was overweight -- Alexis doesn't appear overweight at all to me. She may be dense like moi -- I have always weighed more than people thought I did because I build muscle really easily.
Anyway. Although you can't erase what happened, I think it's worth another discussion, my assvice. You could talk about how blood pressure fluctuates and how shoe size changes as she gets older and how people grow at different rates and how the size she is now is not the size she will be next year or the next year after that, and how the girls who are smallest now may end up heavier than her when they are adults, you just never know and so it's no good to put too much stock in numbers the minute after they are measured because they have probably already changed and her body will continue to grow and change for the rest of her life. Have her feel her pulse and then jump up and down and see how already her pulse has changed. I find it helpful to keep in mind that nothing about the human body -- including body size -- is static. We are constantly changing and adapting and we are never "stuck." I find it very empowering to not be stuck but fluid and vibrant and constantly changing.
i cannot fathom why that information was not given to the parents instead of the children. and i am furious that alexis now has thoughts of obesity when the only thing large on her is her heart.
#alltheanger
Both of my children are large, not heavy large, but large in scale. I'm almost 6 foot and I'm the shortest in my family. My 12 year old daughter is 5'7" wears size 11 in womens shoes and weighs 160lbs. She plays basketball and softball and is in fantastic shape...BMI says she is severely OBESE and the school nurse reminds her every year. The whole norm for women in this country is nuts. My daughter is very balanced and understands what her body is but even still struggles with what our society considers beautiful.
Someone PLEASE abolish the BMI. The idea that Alexis is overweight at all is ridiculous. Just look at her.
My family doctor flat out told me I will never reach the weight that puts me at a normal BMI, and if I do I'm either very sick or suffering from an eating disorder. Knowing my family & personal medical history, it's just not going to happen (yes, I have weight to lose, but he didn't want me to expect the unrealistic).
My niece was told her BMI was too low, in the danger zone, BY HER SCHOOL. Her doctor said while she is very thin, she is healthy, and just happens to have a naturally high metabolism.
Our pedi told us that our daughter was obese when she was 3 yo, based on her BMI. Which was ridiculous. Ribs sticking out obese girl apparently. This year at her 4 yo checkup he admitted that according to the charts her BMI is still obese, but he thinks it's because her growth is so far above "normal" that he won't be able to use BMI to measure her health. Thank God he came to his senses.
Throw out the BMI.
Stop doing these types of measurements in school.
It's out of hand.
So glad Alexis has a mom who has been so conscientous about teaching her a healthy view of herself. You should be proud.
I was mortified in school during weigh ins at the elementary level as the nurse would pointedly ask me.if my parents fed menough each and every year. I barely gained a pound 3 thru 5 grades. Total. I was a skinny, tall kid who ate everything. Always had more enough food. But rarely smacked and desserts were for special.occasions. I had a fast metabolism and nothing was wrong but I lived in fear that the nurse would call my mom and accuse her of not feeding me. Health should be an indicator. Not weight.
The information should of been for parents eyes only. Kids have enough problems in the world today, without having to worry about how they measure up to their peers. 1st graders should be having fun and not worrying about weight or obesity. And we wonder why kids are having issues........when will we learn.
I too will never understand why the school/teacher/nurse would give this info to kids. I agree with someone else that I would talk to the school to make sure they stop doing that. If schools care so much about bullying and, to a lesser extent, self-esteem, how can they not realize that by kids having (and sharing) this information, they are just being set up to bully/get bullied and feel crappy about themselves.
I also agree that BMI is the one of the most inane measures of health. Athletes will almost always be considered overweight or obese by those standards. At my nine-year-old's last doc appointment, the doc pointed out to me, softly, (my kid was not paying attention) that her weight gain this time put her near the top of normal. Because I can sometimes be an idiot, I said something like, "Is she overweight?" Not sure what my kid heard after that, but she asked me when we got in the car, if she was fat. I felt awful.
Hopefully Alexis and the other kids are past this by Monday.
Gasp! I would have thought we had come far enough not to do that to our kids anymore! I remember in grade school dreading weigh in day. We did it during gym class. We would all sit around and watch everyone be weighed. The number would be called out loudly for all to hear. I hated that. I was always one of the heaviest (also one of the tallest but that never occurred to me). I was one of the first girls to hit 100#s as we got older. I always wanted to die on those days. If I knew ahead of time, I tried to fake sick. Why do schools continue to do this kind of thing. Alexis is beautiful and no where near fat. I try very hard to not comment on my weight and not to use the word fat in reference to anything negative - I'm kind of ridiculous about it.
I was GOING to make some snarky comment about when my 8yo was 3 and failed the hearing test and I felt horrible for thinking that she was ignoring me on purpose. But then I realized that wasn't the real point of the post and I moved on to...
...WTH is with girls obsessing over that this young?!?! I have had countless - really, COUNTLESS - conversations the past few weeks with both of my girls about healthy vs. skinny vs. fat. I've explained to my 6yo why water is indeed healthy, but not THE HEALTHIEST thing to eat or drink ever because it doesn't have necessary vitamins. And how yes there IS such a thing as too skinny because you don't want to look unhealthy and, by the way, I happen to LIKE my curves.
I appreciate that the school is focusing on healthy choices (if I had to guess, I'd say 80% of the kids at our school are overweight), but based on the feedback from my two kids, I'd say they need to keep focusing the conversations they're having. I'm their mama, and I'm happy to do my part, but they're not only listening to what I'm saying!