Day Three Hundred Fifty-Seven

For the last few years, I've had one thought when International Women's Day comes around: SHUT UP. I don't direct that towards everyone, just the corporations and business leaders who talk a good game for exactly one out of every 365 days.

I ran into one of those business leaders recently. You'd think that would be impossible considering I generally stick to Target for my outings and only do that late at night when other people aren't around, but hahahalol ... omg. All I have to do is be a hot mess and I will run into someone I know.

ANYWAY.

I ran into this person and there was this awkward conversation where it became astoundingly clear to me that he had witnessed many moments when gender bias made my work life more difficult than necessary. Like, he KNEW. He saw and heard things happening and just continued on with his merry way. He was standing there telling me it wasn't right and ... ::sigh::

Silence is permission in those moments. I said as much because WHATEVER. Long story short, I ended up reflecting on the times when someone was genuinely a valuable ally to me, or times when I like to think I was an effective ally for someone else, and basically a lot of it boiled down to three scenarios.

Do these things, y'all. They matter. And they're a heck of a lot more effective than an empty social media post talking about how much you appreciate the women in your life.

Don't talk about it. Show it.

1. You can be a better ally by elevating the expertise and/or authority of your co-workers. “Mary is really the expert here. Your thoughts, Mary?” or “We need Jen to make this decision.”

I think this particular one is one of those things that's hard for people of privilege to see is happening, but it happens ALL THE TIME. I can list dozens of times that I've sat in a meeting while a bunch of white men debated a decision when it was my decision to make. I was trying to communicate a desired outcome, but they were too dense to realize I was RIGHT THERE. Like, it was in my job title that it was my decision. One time one of them even asked one of my subordinates for his thoughts and he repeated THREE TIMES, "That's up to Michelle. It's her decision," before the neanderthals comprehended what was happening.

But it worked. The fact that he continued to elevate my authority on the matter was what made the rest of the room stop discussing something they didn't have the expertise to decide.

2. Jump in when they are interrupted/talked over in meetings. “Lisa, I don’t think you were done speaking?”

I've had two co-workers who have consistently advocated for me when others refused to let me get a word in edgewise during meetings and it is MAGICAL. It absolutely has the potential to influence behavior, I think because people don't realize they're talking over women. When it's pointed out consistently and politely, they stop.

3. Make a point to focus credit when it’s due. “Thanks for expanding on Tori’s idea, David.”

One of my most finely honed skills is presenting an idea in a way that makes someone else think it's theirs. It's absolutely stupid that I'm good at it, and the only reason I am is because I have so frequently not been heard when I was offering up a good solution to a difficult problem. One especially magical co-worker forced me to stop handing ideas to others when he started drawing attention to it in meetings using phrasing very much so like, "Thanks for expanding on Tori's idea, David." It's a very polite way of elevating women (or minorities or anyone who doesn't get proper credit for their contributions) and I have stolen it. I do it every time I find myself in a position to make sure proper credit is given. It's incredibly effective.

So, thanks corporate America for all of the lovely posts supporting women today. I look forward to the day when you take actual action so that allies don't have to use little tricks like these ones. Maybe get that done before my girls enter the workforce?