Day Two Hundred Thirty-Seven

Today was BANANAS. It was both the worst and the best thrown together in a jar and shaken furiously until they became the berst. Of course, it was all stuff that I can't write about here, so BLURGH. WORDS IN MY HEAD AND THEY'RE STUCK THERE. 

Anyway.

Have I mentioned that lately the universe has AMAZING timing when I'm on important work calls? Because it does. One of them was with someone who I only recently met so they don't yet know that my life is pure chaos. Mila thought she would try to prove it, though. Normally I hear her coming down the hall when I'm working and can hit the mute button before she busts through the door, but she had on her ninja pants that day. She silently flung the door open and then very loudly yelled, "I CAN'T FIND MY UNDERWEAR!"

BTW, she wasn't actually wearing pants. She was wearing a dress. It was super convenient because she used the moment to show me that she couldn't find underwear.

So that was swell.

Even more impressive was the chaos extravaganza that happened a few weeks ago. I was presenting to people who have more important titles than me. As in, THE REALLY IMPORTANT TITLES. As in, one dude is a billionaire and can ruin a lot of lives, including mine, in a matter of seconds. Needless to say, I was all business. Important topics were being discussed and I was walking through important things and then ... I saw it ... out the window .. out of the corner of my eye.

The mole.

There is a mole that has been terrorizing my garden for the past few months. I've tried committing an act of violence against him a few times, but have been wildly unsuccessful because that mole was some sort of immortal being.

Or so I thought.

The demon mole came out of its ten mile-long tunnel and sauntered over to the koi pond. Step-by-step he made his way there. The whole time I kept on talking, with my camera on, and seeing the whole thing out of the corner of my eye. He made it to the pond, leaned over the edge, AND FELL IN.

I kept on talking about margin expansion and market data. Like a freakin pro.

I sat there still talking, calmly and seemingly focused, as I tried to decide if I should try to text someone to save it? Or let it suffer? I ended up casually grabbing my phone. As I started to lower it to sneakily text someone, I accidentally slammed the phone against the edge of the desk and it went flying. I later learned it sounded like I had fallen out of my chair or something because the crash was SO loud, but nope. I was still sitting there. Still talking.

So, like, the mole drowned and stuff. With me watching out of the corner of my eye.

And I had to waste a LOT of energy on doing my best not to throw a damn party right then and there. Because WOOHOO! The demon mole was defeated!

So it was a pretty berst day, but at least nothing wacky happened while I was on the phone.