Do You Hear Your Own Impact?
Just in case you hadn't heard the news, it's time for a celebration! At long last, Mattel has fixed our problems with little girls growing up to have distorted body images by making Barbie in a variety of shapes and sizes.
Thanks, Mattel. You did that just in time to save my girls from falling down that slippery slope that leads to women starving themselves to look like Barbie.
Oh.
Wait.
There's still those pesky magazine covers. They could still fall down that slope.
I suppose that means I will have to find a way to keep my girls from seeing the waif-like women who have been Photohopped to be even more waif-like than they really are as we wait in line at the store. Thigh gaps at the same height as candy bars are certain to lead them down that slippery slope.
But at least I don't have to put any of the blame on the adults in their lives. I mean, if it weren't for the magazine covers, I might have to wonder what sort of impact it has on Alexis when she hears her teacher say, "I can't have a cupcake. I'm on a diet." She's a slender woman who Alexis respects immensely, so I would hate to think that words that paint food as a reward or a punishment could have some sort of impact. It would be terrible if she were to think that being skinny is the ideal and that the only way to achieve it is to punish yourself.
The magazine covers. That's the problem.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I should probably do more to speak out about the magazine covers. Surely they have more influence over how my daughters view bodies than things like the conversation Alexis had with some of her friends the other day. A visit to a water park ended with the revelation that some of Alexis' friends have never seen their moms in a swimsuit. One literally said, "We've been to Kalahari before, but just me and my sister rode the slides. My mom said she's too fat to wear a swimsuit in public."
She's probably a size 12. Maybe a 14. Regardless, I think she's beautiful. If only those pesky magazines weren't painting a picture that says she's too fat. It's the magazines that are the problem, right? It's not the mom's own declaration that she's too fat to be seen in public doing something crazy like wearing a swimsuit at a water park, right?
It's definitely the magazine covers.
Thank goodness. I'd hate to think that any little girls look at their moms doing things like a week-long juice cleanse and decide that it's a healthy and normal way to live. We all know that living off some disgusting juice blend because you need to lose as much weight as possible in a short amount of time is the sort of thing that happens when you grow up playing with a too-skinny Barbie and looking at waifs on magazine covers. Surely seeing your mom complain endlessly about how fat she is and then watching her starve herself with pureed kale is perfectly okay. Kids know that their moms do things that are a bad idea, right? As long as we don't let them play with that perfect Barbie and keep those magazine covers away, they'll grow up to respect their bodies enough to avoid dangerous crash diets. Right?
It's the magazine covers.
Now that Barbie is fixed, we just need to fix the magazine covers.
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Reader Comments (10)
I grew up with a Mom that was constantly on a diet, I ended up as an anorexic teenager and now I battle with my weight after destroying my metabolism. I totally blame the Barbie that I grew up with and all those magazine covers. Nothing to do with the way the women in my life perceived their bodies.
Excellent post, spot on!
Same as Kathleen above, except I put zero of the blame on Barbie and all of the blame on hearing the powerful women in my life complain about weight and watching them yo yo diet. I try my hardest to be a healthy example for my girl and never use words like fat and skinny, never comment on women's sizes and always use words like healthy and strong. It's hard.
I try SO hard to at least pretend to be comfortable with my body for Emily's sake, but it;s hard. I know a little waif of a girl, a year younger than Em, who (for the past 3 years at least) drinks vinegar every day with her mom, because her mom said it helps keep you skinny.
This is awesome. Thank you.
I have three sons, and I think the example of adults is JUST as important for boys. I'm not sure how to describe our take on it, but it's sort of a... non-focus?... for our family. When the subject came up naturally, my older boys looked at/touched my 3rd-pregnancy belly a few years ago; and afterward, they looked at/touched the stretch marks... and I always smiled the whole time. They see me enjoying food (and they know I have certain medically-related food restrictions but I eat plenty of what I can eat :) and exercising to take care of my insides. I wore a swimsuit when I was pregnant, before I lost weight, and after I lost weight... simply because I love to swim/play in the water. They also saw their dad being verbally/physically affectionate with me at every size and shape over the past few years, and I hope they will follow his example when they grow up. (He never teased me about food/weight. Ever. It's just not something we do. My personality quirks, however, are fair game... lol.) That's what I want them to know as "normal": not focusing on it, yet not ignoring it--just showing acceptance and respect for our own bodies and others' bodies.
Spot on. Like so many who have already posted, I grew up with parents constantly on a diet and were obsessed with weight - obsessed. I will always wonder how my weight would have been if not for the constant yo-yo dieting - as it is I'm 38 and trying to tackle healthy living once and for all in a way that I hope it s something my kids never even have to think about but yeah, even if I am successful there will still be so much exposure to "good" food and "bad" food, diets, size, skinney versus fat...great post!
It's not just a weight issue--when a beautiful 30 year old has a need (yes, she sais it was a NEED) to have a breast augmentation because "everyone else has boobs and doesn't look like this" and you ask her "who are you comparing yourself to?" and she cites those magazines...she's beautiful inside and out, a kind, compassionate woman, and honestly, I got angry. I got angry at everyone around her constantly whinging about their weight, I got mad at our mutual family who constantly compared themselves to those magazines, I got mad at her husband for not telling her daily that she is beautiful and wonderful, I got mad on behalf of my daughter, who is a naturally bigger girl, and I got mad on behalf of her preschool daughter who was being set up to live the same lie...I got mad, the conversation got heated, and there has been less talk of how "I don't measure up to this ridiculous ficticious ideal" and more talk of being healthy and identifying those kinds of lies and not making those lies our reality. Yes, those images are there, and our daughters are exposed to them, but we can use it as an on-going conversation and give them the tools to have a better image of th e mselves inside their heads--images of themselves that don't leave room for the lies. The Howler wasn't in the room the day I yelled these things at my niece who insisted she couldn't be pretty, or even seen as a woman, unless she had the breast implants, but was in the next room, and I've had bits of that conversation repeated to me in her own words at various times over the last 2 years. It's the conversation we have, and the overheard bits that float in my daughter's head, keeping the unrealistic, potentially harmful fictions about beauty at bay. She's 13, and is making healthy, long term changes to her diet and activity levels on her own-with guidance and support but on her own-to a healthier weight and better self esteem. It's a war we shouldn't have to have, except for the healthier part, but the battles are fought & won daily, not just when a toy company finally wakes up and makes an announcement.
Great post! Kudos to Mattel for finally getting it right regarding Barbie.
I also grew up with a weight obsessed mother who destroyed my self esteem with her constant comments about what I could and couldn't eat. I know she really didn't realize it, but she did such a number on me and it took a long time to learn to love myself the way I am.
Sadly, it's not just media and parents, but also healthcare providers who have unrealistic expectations. I'm short, 5'1" and weigh 118-122 lbs on any given day. I eat healthy and exercise 4-5 days a week. I wear a size 6 in most brands and consider myself fit and healthy. Every year at my annual gyno visit, my doctor never misses the opportunity to tell me I'm overweight. Because I'm short, I should be about 10 lbs lighter. That's not realistic for me. I know, I've tried. I've even been told if I gain a few more pounds, I'll be nearing the "obese" category. Sorry doc, I'll never be a size 2 and I refuse to starve myself to achieve that.
You make excellent points. I do think overall having toys that reflect the diversity of our world is important, but we have to look at the messages we send ourselves to little girls. We can teach kids to recognize, call out, and ignore the harmful media messages. It's harder to mitigate what we teach them at home.
i love you