Eyewitness Failure
I noticed a thing when I was in Thailand a few weeks ago: I suck at describing people.
Like, REALLY suck.
If you need someone to not notice what you're wearing, I'm your woman! I never notice what anyone is wearing ever, unless it stands out for some random reason. Like, if you wear a magnificent cat shirt, I'll notice that. But if you're dressed appropriately for the occasion? I don't know what you're wearing. FOR REAL. A most excellent example came from the photos of the event I was at in Thailand. Everybody was wearing their fancy navy or black suit ... except me. Multiple people commented that I was the only one wearing any color in the photos (an ankle-length red and navy dress with a long navy sweater - it was totally appropriate, just not a solid dark color).
I had no idea.
I never once looked around and realized I was the only one who didn't get the navy/black/we're-mourning-apparently memo. Which is just as well because WHATEVER, CLOTHING POLICE. Y'all go on with your enforcement of rules I don't understand. I'll be over here wearing whatever and completely not noticing you.
So, I don't have clothing to make my descriptions of people better. That's a whole blind spot. What I do have is hair color, hair texture (i.e. curly or straight), and eye color.
That's it. That's all I have.
Apparently, in all my years, I've never gained the ability to describe a person beyond their hair. When that's useless? SO AM I. There was a point in Thailand when someone asked me to identify who had said something and I was all, "The lady with the ... well ... stuff."
Everyone in Thailand has dark hair. Everyone in Thailand has straight hair. Everyone in Thailand has brown eyes. WHAT THE HECK ELSE IS THERE?
By the way, the same rule applies with caucasians. Alexis asked me which cheerleader did something and all I had was, "the blond one," which narrowed it down to ... 50% of the her cheer squad.
So basically what I'm saying is that I would make a terrible eyewitness. I can't describe anybody in any way that's even remotely useful. I mean, it's a good thing one of my kids is brunette and the other blond because I'd never be able to tell them apart otherwise.
Monday, August 20, 2018
Reader Comments (2)
Welkom to my world!😂
I’m still waiting for people to wear a nametag all day and every day! That would make it a whole lot easier for me to tell you who’s who. I can do hair and glasses and on a good day facial hair. But on a bad day you lucky to get a hair colour description.
I'm blind to mustaches and baldness. My mom suggested I gift my uncle a mustache comb and I replied, "does he have a mustache?" (Only every day since, like, 1980). I don't SEE them.