Falling for Her
I've never really understood matters of the heart, so I don't know if it's just the way It Is or if life broke something that I never knew existed. I just know that love comes easily, but being in love requires something big.
From the moment I knew she was a thing, I loved Alexis. I fulfilled her every need and protected her with all that I had. But, I didn't fall in love with her until she was a few months old. I remember the exact moment it happened -- it was the moment when I could see that she was kind, compassionate, and funny. Those are the words that belong in every chapter of her life because they describe her soul. That will never change.
It wasn't anything that she did that caused me to finally fall in love. Rather, it was a glimmer in her eyes that revealed her story. It was just a moment. A glimpse. So far, she is everything that I thought she would be. Sometimes, she's even more.
With Mila, everything is a little bit harder. With age comes wisdom. Time gives life a chance to show you everything it can be -- for better or for worse. Bad things happen to good people. I've known that since the beginning of time so I feared bad things with Alexis, but now those fears are more experienced. They poke deeper and know exactly where it hurts the most, so the protective armor is deeper. Everything is pushed just a little further away, including the expectations of what comes next.
Loving Mila is easy. Being in love with her is more complicated.
But this girl ... she is strong. She is stubborn. With every breath she takes, with every little Gremlin noise she emits, with every funny face she makes, she's breaking down the walls. Brick-by-brick, they are tumbling down.
It's just a matter of time.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Reader Comments (7)
I love reading you.
I love following along.
<3 you and these girls
I love your writing. And you are probably the only person I know who can write a post about love and still use the word "Gremlin"! :)
I'm cracking up at "Gremlin Noise" :) This is a great post - very thought provoking.
I've always wondered about this. I love that you are so honest.
Gee, I sure hope it's the Gremlin noise from BEFORE they eat after midnight.
I'm glad you wrote this. I always thought I was weird for not being instantly in love with my baby. I almost felt like I had to get to know her a little bit first. She was many years and tears in the making so I felt like that stood in the way a bit.
beautiful post, my friend. just lovely.