Fear Factor

Mila was born fearless. I found her sitting on top of the fridge long before she took her first steps because climbing came faster than walking. The kid STILL to this day prefers to sit atop a table or fence or ledge than on a chair. She climbs everything, jumps from any height, and generally has no concern for her own safety.

It's not an exaggeration that I have had to snag her before she played in traffic. She would do it if I let her.

Forever and ever, we've had to fight with her about going on the "big" rides at Kennywood. She didn't like The Turtle in Kiddieland, but the big one? YES, PLEASE. Same with The Whip and don't even mention any roller coasters to the kid. She has spent the first five years of her life pissed off that she's not riding around on Phantom's Revenge all summer long.

Until this year.

Now that she's juuuuust shy of 41 inches and can ride a few more things, she's all, "NOPE!" She went on the Pirate Ship once, but only once because she decided it is a form of torture more frightening than anything Stephen King can dream up. She is legit terrified to ever ride it again.

IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE.

It's a giant swing. She loves swings. It makes me nauseous. She loves things that make me nauseous.

I swear it's part of a scam. Mila is clearly planning to go bungee jumping into a tiger pit or something and she just needs me to think she cares about safety.

I was hoping she would lay off the scaredy pants routine before we went to Florida. I did not have that kind of luck, which means the kid was finally somewhere where she was allowed to ride bigger things and she was all "NOPE!" She had ALL of the nopes. She was throwing nopes like I throw confetti the once per year that I actually get enough sleep. I managed to talk her into trying most things once, but ONLY ONCE.

She's still mad about Spiderman.

It wasn't really a "thrill" ride. It was one of those things where you sit in a car that moves up and down and shakes around, but you're surrounded by a movie, so it seems like you're moving more. There was no major drop or big hills or anything. It was a freakin' SIMULATOR, for goodness sake.

Mila hated it.

A lot.

Mostly she hated the movie part because there were bad guys. She said the moving part was fun, but the only way she survived was by closing her eyes so she didn't have to see the scary bad people.

Mila has never once been scared of the "bad guys" in a movie. Never. Once.

It's a really good thing I don't expect the kid to make sense. I know better than to expect logic, and my expectations are always being met. THANKS, MILA.