Good Job, Boy Scouts

"You should go to this training!" It wasn't a horrible suggestion, but I have been to that training. I have literally written that training, led that training, attended that training, and all of the things in between. If we're talking about the subjects that make up how to be a female leader in the business world, I've got it in aces. I've been to local "Women as Leaders" sessions, state ones, and even national conferences centered on the conversation.

There are some things they don't teach you at those trainings. You don't learn how to sit quietly and respectfully while someone mansplains something to you, the expert in the room. They don't teach you how to deal with men interrupting your every word in meetings. They don't say how to handle the moment when a manager says to stop "being so emotional."

You guys, I'm the least reactively emotional person around. I function on a 24-hour delay when it comes to showing a reaction. Ask my kids. They'll tell you that the silence is deafening because the fury comes the next day.

And so, I'm not going to the training. I'd rather wait for the training where the men learn how to recognize their own misogyny. I'll patiently explain why calling me "Sweetheart" in a business meeting is inappropriate. I'll help edit written summaries about co-workers and explain why a female co-worker should never be referred to as "lovely." I'll help to describe all of the ways a dress code can be written so that it doesn't specifically target women as sex objects but rather fairly sets boundaries on professionalism. I'll even happily explain why men don't get to be mad at women when they get fired for looking at porn at work.

Does that training exist:? I'm kind of serious. I would really like to sign a whole bunch of men up for training on how to be less jerktastic. I honestly don't think they all realize they're being jerktastic. It takes a level of self-awareness that isn't always there.

Which is EXACTLY why I'm ecstatic that the Boy Scouts has decided to start allowing girls to join. Let me be clear - the Girl Scouts and other organizations centered on empowering girls and women are vital. We need those safe spaces for our girls to learn and grow just like we really do need those women as leaders training programs. Until women are paid equally in the workplace, we're going to need to keep learning those skills in ways that are exclusive and powerful.

But we need the men and boys to start learning how to include us, too. The boys need to learn how to co-exist without being jerks. If they need a safe place that's just for males, they can go to just about any Fortune 500 boardroom and hang out with all of the other males. Until that boardroom represents the population, the boys need to come on over and invite the girls into their little clubs.

Baby steps, you guys. Baby steps. I look forward to the day when more than just the Boy Scouts figure out that purposely excluding females is a mistake.

Comments

[Robin]

I haven't been called pet names in a meeting, but I have had to sit and watch people flirt at the desk next to me and dealt with egos and other issues to the point I considered quitting. Although these days if someone did call me a pet name at work it would be hard not to let an F.U. slip out since I've not been in an office environment in 5 years. I just had a recruiter respond yesterday that a job I asked about the location on wouldn't fit my skillset then told them I had actually contracted for said company before in a very similar role, but didn't list it because it had been such a short tenure as the project was canceled.