Huh?

It's that time of the year, so of course I spent my entire weekend at a dance competition. Some very important lessons were learned, including I CAN NOT PEOPLE ANYMORE.

I mean, seriously.

I have always been bad at small talk and bad at faking extrovert (other than at work - I use all my faking it superpowers there). I am VERY bad at those things now that we're two years into a pandemic. I have managed to remain a stranger to most of the dance moms, but when one tried to make small talk with me? Oh boy. It was soooo ugly. Apparently that thing that some people do where they try to impress you with little humblebrags is annoying? At least I find it annoying. And I have no patience. I also refuse to engage with them, so it makes for a very one-sided conversation. Basically, I am a jerk and need to learn how to be in a conversation without being a jerk.

At least that mom won't be trying to talk to me again? Maybe that's the upside?

ANYWAY.

Peopling is stupid, and that is something that applies in SO many ways.

The scene: a few dances before this one. (Alexis is one of the flying tumblers. At one point she's dancing, but hell if I can pick her out.)

So basically, I was a hostage. I wanted to see the flying tumbler, but had to sit through performances by kids I don't know from cities that are not my own. One of those performances featured very small children, perhaps 5 or 6 years old, dancing while dressed like sexy chickens.

Go ahead and reread those last few words. They're totally true! The girls were wearing tiny little bottoms, bra tops, and head pieces that were definitely intended to make them look like sexy chickens. There were a lot of feathers involved. You're welcome for the visual.

Imma gonna make it better.

The tiny sexy chickens were shaking their asses. As in, full-on twerking. I don't remember what music they were doing this to because my brain refuses to memorize that many atrocities at once, but it did not tie together the whole thing. I suppose there is no way to tie together sexy chickens and twerking anyway, so why bother? Bring on the ass shaking!

IT GETS BETTER.

The studio that the girls go to is really super good about cheering for each other. I am laying out a compliment here, so don't read it as anything else. The whole studio watches each other and they cheer loudly for one another and it is good.

Mostly.

For reasons that I do not at all comprehend, the group of moms that were sitting way too close to me were cheering on the sexy chickens by screeching, "YAAAAAAS QUEEEN!" You need to read that in the high-pitched, nasally voice that every teen girl says it in because that is the tone of voice the grown-ass white women were using.

Call me crazy, but "YAAAAS QUEEN!" is not what comes to mind when I see tiny sexy chickens twerking on a stage. Mostly I think, "Huh?"

I'm still thinking that.

I am still so very confused.

And can't wait for the next dance competition! Maybe I'll get to see some sexy monkeys twerking this time!