I Can Draw an Octopus While Driving in Pennsylvania
Yesterday I jokingly (I swear! It was a joke! A very bad one!) tweeted that my poor Bitizens were going to be sad without their Mexican Food now that the texting ban has been implemented in Pennsylvania. It was then that I discovered that a crapton of people are as stupidly addicted to playing Tiny Tower as I am, to which I say HUZZAH! We can be stupidly addicted together! But not while driving. That would be bad.
Except, it turns out that it wouldn't be illegal.
More than one person (including a lawyer!) chimed in and said that the texting ban has a loophole ten miles wide in that it only bans text-based activities. That basically means I'm free to cruise down the Parkway while I play Draw Something. I just have to make sure I brake for the tunnel like a good little yinzer.
Not that I would play Draw Something while driving. I wouldn't. I don't have to because I have taught Alexis how to play for me. See what I did there? Now anyone who plays me won't be able to be sure if that mangled squirrel with a beaver tale that looks like it got hit with a sledgehammer was drawn by me or by the 6-year. Frankly, if she draws it, you have a better chance of figuring out what it's supposed to be.
Anyway, that loophole-in-the-law thing got me to thinking. There are a TON of things that are still legal to do while driving. Just don't call me and ask me to bail you out of jail if it turns out I'm wrong about any of these.
1. When your GPS tells you to turn left and the only thing that is on your left is a river, it's still perfectly legal for you to scream obscenities. Just don't throw the GPS out the window because that would be littering, even if your GPS is biodegradable. (Only two people will get that "biodegradable" joke, but HOOBOY are those two people laughing like crazy right now.) (Right, Becky?)
2. It's still perfectly legal to turn around and yell, "Do it again and I'm pulling over and leaving you on the side of the road SO HELP ME GOD" at your kids.
3. You can read a book while driving. Seriously. A book isn't an Interactive Wireless Communication Device, so it's fair game. Just don't read any Twilight books because an angel commits suicide every time someone reads one of them.
4. There's a really fun game you can play where you try to apply eyeliner while driving. You win the game if you manage to navigate Pittsburgh's plethora of potholes without poking your eye out.
5. Dance party! Search through all of the songs on your iPod for the perfect booty-shaking tune and get down!
6. It's totally legal to eat a Chili Mac from Steak-n-Shake while driving. Spoon usage is optional. Heartburn is guaranteed.
7. You know those Happy Meal toys that make noise? And how they ALWAYS end up stuck under your seat in the car? And how you don't know they are there until you turn right, but then they won't shut up? You can totally go digging for that toy while you drive.
8. You can duct tape your kid's mouth shut while driving. I think. You definitely shouldn't quote me on that one.
9. It's completely within the realm of possibility that you could spend your entire commute perusing Pinterest and figuring out just how many projects you swear you will make, but will never actually start.
10. It's still legal to have an animated phone conversation. You know, just like the one that guy who just cut you off is having. Oh, and that lady who just weaved into your lane. The guy who had to slam on his brakes in the tunnel was talking on his cell phone, too.
Can you tell I would rather we just banned all cell phone usage while driving? And all acts of stupidity? Because I would.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Reader Comments (5)
Normally, I am a silent reader here, but coming from a community that in November lost a beautiful 17 year old girl to a car accident where it was suspected that she was texting, I felt the need to comment.
I know that looking at it the way it is written, the law seems ridiculous. Why only ban texting? Why make the penalty so small? You kind of have to look at the bigger picture. This is not the first instance ot trying to get this law created. It has been defeated before specifically because of how airtight it was and what was banned. I'm sure there are a million reasons why. Though it may seem silly, it's necessary to start small in order for the law to be created. If the proposed law had included all other cell phone distractions, it would have surely failed. It has before.
Our hometown angel that was lost was too young. There are some who say she wouldn't have been texting and it must have been a deer that ran out in front of her. The only thing the police could go by was a partially written text on her phone. Whether she was or wasn't that is how the accident was branded. Friends and family of this girl received messages nationwide from people who were so touched by the story. People affirming how we need to talk to/set a good example for teens about the dangers of texting and driving. If one life is saved by this law, by getting a ticket for simply texting, isn't the law a good thing? Adults are every bit as distracted in the car, if not more than teenagers by the silly list you wrote about. Teenagers text. Many of them have grown up with it. Teenagers think they are invincible. It's sad, but true. I look at it that if the law, as loopholed as it might be, can make an impression on that generation, maybe there will be additions to it in the future. Begin slowly.
Think of your Christmas Crazy project. In the first year, if you had made your goal $50,000, would that have happened? Maybe. Probably not. But because you started small with a realistic goal, look at how successful it's been and how the project has grown over the years. Sometimes in life, it is okay to start small. It might seem stupid for a teenager to raise $100 for a charity, but it impresses something in them so that as they grow they want to do more and more for that charity. It might seem stupid to only place the ban on texting, but in the future, the law could grow to a point where almost all cell phone distractions are illegal.
We all miss our angel. Our community has looked at the positive in this law. This world has become too hardened with pessimism and sarcasm. Sometimes, it's okay to just be optimistic. It's okay to just be happy.
@Shelley-- I disagree that it's a good start. The legislature needs to be held accountable when they go soft for no apparent reason. The bill passed the House in November with a vote 186-7, meaning it had virtually no opposition. The Senate refused to pass the bill until texting while driving was made a primary offense (it passed the House as a secondary offense). They said they wanted the law to have teeth, but both the House and Senate allowed it to pass with poor wording. I've written my representatives to let them know it's not enough to enact a law that makes it possible for anyone who is pulled over for driving erratically while using a cell phone to use the excuse that they were dialing a phone number. As it's written now, the bill is virtually un-enforceable. That's not enough, in my opinion.
BANANAS PEELS ARE BIODEGRADABLE!!! circle of life and all that jazz!
wait, lemme give you a few more of these !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(for the record, i agree that the law is so far beyond stupid and unenforceable. sad. someone needs to grow a pair and just make cell phone usage of any kind while operating a motor vehicle illegal. pull the fuck over or hand the phone to a passenger if you need something so badly. nothing is more important than your life and the lives of others on the road.)
Some state trooper (I think) said on the news that they would be able to tell the difference between someone dialing (pressing) a 10-digit number (legal) and someone texting. Determining that will be impressive, for sure.
I am a big rule follower, so this will be good for me. I started occasionally texting while driving probably around the time Hines Ward decided to stop doing it (before he instead decided to drink and drive). I did not do it sooner because I hardly texted (because I like to remain in the 20th century) not so long ago.
Regardless, you are absolutely right about all the other things people can do while driving that they should not be doing. And with more and more technology being added to cars, I am guessing in a few years you will be able to blow dry your hair and get an eyebrow wax while driving.
Be careful out there, people!
at least you can still talk on the phone while driving. In Jersey, you can't do anything with the cell without a hands free device. That's why I make sure I have my kid with me for the texting....