I Can't Even

There are times when I question if I have created a self-fulfilling prophecy by saying that Mila makes bad choices sometimes. Like, if I say it, I'm probably focused on catching those bad choices, and then there seems like there are more of them.

Annnnd ... nope. The kid just knows how to find chaos. It's her speciality. She is a good kid, don't get me wrong, but sometimes she'll be standing in the living room and a pencil will "accidentally" end up in her hand and the next thing you know, she has "accidentally" drawn a bunch of stars all over the wall next to the television.

"Accidentally" is her word, by the way. It doesn't matter what I catch her doing, it's always "an accident."

Like, it was TOTALLY an accident when the day after the graffiti, the kid managed to hang on the doors of probably the only nice piece of furniture we own. It's a buffet sort of thing and holds the TV. Seriously, it may be the only piece of furniture in this entire house that wasn't a scratch and dent or clearance item. Alas, Mila was hanging on the doors AGAIN and one of them completely broke off, splintering wood and generally making sure that I bring up this story at Mila's graduation, wedding, and every family event ever.

"Accident." It's such an interesting word.

For what it's worth, when I asked Mila how many times I've told her to not touch the doors to that cabinet, she answered, "At least a million." So, SHE DID HEAR ME. Interesting.

Immediately after that little event, Mila lost access to pretty much everything she holds near and dear. She decided her punishment should be losing her phone for three years (yes, THREE YEARS) and that somehow seems fair to me? Regardless, I have her phone. That means Mila had to find another way to entertain herself. She opted to steal her sister's dry erase board.

And then she wrote on it.

With a Sharpie.

By the way, she literally wrote the word "Sharpie." As in, she took a Sharpie to a dry erase board and marked it always and forever (sort of - I know how to make it mostly fade) with the word "Sharpie."

But it was an accident. She was just trying to see if she knew how to spell the word "Sharpie." It's not like she LOOKED DIRECTLY AT THE SHARPIE IN HER HAND TO SEE HOW TO SPELL IT AND HAD A CHANCE TO REALIZE WHAT WAS HAPPENING.

I'm just ... I'm done. I'm duct taping the kid to a wall and locking myself in the pantry with a gallon of ice cream. I'll see y'all in 2022.