I Have a Problem
Confession: I have a very severe case of Can't-throw-toys-away-itis. I've suffered from the disease for as long as I can remember. I could prove it by parading out bag-after-bag filled with stuffed animals from my childhood, but really, the most effective proof comes in the form of toys from the bottom of the toy food chain.
Happy Meal toys.
Now, before the Nutrition Police come jumping down my throat about letting my kid eat that many Happy Meals, please note that it is *I* who will live forever thanks to the wondrous preservatives contained in McDonald's french fries and that orange day-glo cheese they use. I am a fan of "Cheeseburger Happy Meals Without the Meat, please" and have been eating them pretty much forever, especially when I need a cheap lunch quick.
And, well, if you look closely at some of the toys, you'll realize that Alexis was definitely not the beneficiary of the McDonald's goodness.
Dr. Google says I've had those two toys since 1996.
*hangs head in shame*
I told you I can't throw away toys. I CAN'T. Not even when they deserve to die a painful death.
Exhibit A:
DIE, STUPID GUITAR, DIE! Er . . . I can wish a painful death on the annoying thing, but I can't actually put it in the trash.
Perhaps the most annoying toy every to come into my possession was this ridiculous brown/gray blob thing that made a nose that sounded a little bit like a gassy foghorn. Actually, it didn't just sound a little like that, it sounded EXACTLY like that. Somehow the thing became stuck under the seat of my car, a fact which was only evident when I made a right turn. I would turn the steering wheel and hear the loudest, most obnoxious farting noise coming from directly below me.
So classy.
It stayed in my car for months because by the time my hands were free to rummage for the Mystery Farter, it had long ago stopped making the noise. I would forget right up until I had to make another right turn. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Oh, and this is the Mystery Farter.
A person with a brain would have thrown it away after evicting it from the car. I, on the other hand, tossed it in with the dozens of other Happy Meal toys.
I told you it was a disease.
And now I've gone to see Toy Story 3.
First of all, if you haven't seen it yet, GOOOOOO! It just might be the best Pixar movie of all time, which is like saying the $100 bill is the greatest currency of all time. Seriously, I loved the movie, as did Alexis and Mr. Husband.
Second of all, thanks to the Toy Story franchise, but especially Toy Story 3, I now think toys have feeeeelings and they'll be hurt and scared and OMG! Not the landfill! And OMG! Not the daycare center and OMG! Not the attic! and OMG! you have to keep toys forever and ever and ever and you have to play with them every day and waaaaah! I'll never throw away another toy again, not even a broken one because what if it's Woody and Buzz's friend?
If you haven't seen Toy Story 3 yet, clean out the toybox before you do. It'll be the last time you'll ever get rid of a toy without feeling guilty about it.
Or is that just me?
Monday, June 21, 2010
Reader Comments (42)
eBay?
I have the same problem though because I always believed as a kid my toys came to life when I wasn't around.
" this ridiculous brown/gray BLOG thing"
I want so badly for you to have meant to type that.
it is not just you, and i cannot stop thinking about Toy Story either. i'm sure i will only exorcise this by writing about it. i also am completely unable to get rid of any of my kids' clothing. it's a problem. and i wept openly, sobbed really, for the last 15 minutes of that movie. aw!
With all the moving we do, I have become the Angel of Death for toys around the house. If it went into a box and everyone forgot about it for a few weeks? Gone! Gifts from others that we hated in the first place? Gone! Broken, marred or outgrown? Gone!
The only things safe in all this are my few bags of stuffies from my childhood.
Those will have to be pried out of my cold, dead hands.
Thankfully, we won't be seeing that movie any time in the near future . . . someone (a certain super-sensitive three year old) can't handle movies just yet.
@Backingpacking Dad--Fixed! Although, it sort of worked both ways . . .
I'll take the little dragon and penguin off your hands. :)
For the record, you aren't alone. I have the same can't pitch toys issue.
And I always knew they had feelings. (My siblings weren't allowed to hit me so they would punch a stuffed animal of mine because that hurt me worse anyhow...not being able to protect them devastated me.) I had better not see the movie...
@Marian--I swear that movie should come with a Take Your Prozac warning for all moms. I was all Waaaaaah! Meh behbee is going to grow up! Waaaaah!
If I give you an inventory of Happy Meal Toys I need for Frodo the Bee, would you mail 'em to me? Frodo <3 Happy Meal Toys (and the owner of our local McD's loves the Bee because of his HMT ingenuity)
Oh, and the obnoxious arm farting thing? That's Waffle, from Catscratch (and yes, I am very proud that I know who it is, and what cartoon he's from. Now, if you had a Gordon & a Mr Blick, I'd be requesting them, too.)
OMG! You have no idea!! I actually found some FRAGGLE ROCK cars from McDs in my mom's basement from my childhood and I brought them home to my boys! LOL!!
I, too, have issues throwing toys away. I try to donate to charities, like a woman's shelter, so many children over years can enjoy them.
Can't wait to see Toy Story 3!
No, it is just you! :D
At least in the respect that you can't throw toys away.
Me, I DELIGHT in pitching toys. I can't tell you how happy I am to fill up tubs and bins and trash bags to either toss or donate. The hardest part is getting the boxes out the door before the kids see the contents and start pulling all the stuff back out to play with... ghhhhawk!
But, I am with you on the whole... my kids collect wayyyy more Happy Meal toys that I would like to admit to ANYONE. :D Opps. They love McD's and it is actually a meal that they will EAT!
I have a hard time pruning toys as well. Why throw them away though? There are plenty of charities that would love gently used toys.
I'm just happy I'm not the only one who east McD's that often! :) I'd say my kids and I have happy meals once a week and I'm okay with that because they eat SO HEALTHY every other meal of the week! But. Happy meal toys, I have no problem parting with! Now I ask for no toy and they give me cookies instead! Yay!
P.S. Loved this post and your misfit toys that can't be tossed!
i feel like i'm gonna cry just thinking about college! yikes. here's my take on toy story, enjoy:
http://www.runawaysentence.com/2010/06/toy-story.html
Cheeseburger happy meal without the meat?! Explain please. :C)
Toy Story 3 was basically my Father's Day present since the rest of the day was spent dropping the 2 oldest at a week long sleepover camp. A day later, I've got a trash can full of Shrek Happy Meal toys and some miscellaneous loose parts that were separated from other stuff. I am not a monster. I'm just trying to keep a little order, ya know? But even through the fiberoptic pipes between us, I feel the Burgh Baby glare like I'm this terrible person for chucking toys. So I offer the following in my defense: 1. It's a movie. Real toys don't talk or have feelings. 2. If toys did talk or have feelings, I'm betting that a good number of them fall in the Stinky Pete and Lotso category. 3. Landfills around here don't have those scary incinerators. I hear they're actually quite nice. And many of these toiys have been transitioning by spending time in my oldest daughter's room. 4. Um, didn't you notice the part in the movie that all the other toys had been sent away? Bo Peep, gone. Wheezy (voiced by the sublime Robert Goulet), late. Etch-a-sketch. Not just gone, but apparently forgotten too. 5. Toy America is not like real people America. Some toys get the shaft, fair or not, while others get undeserved rewards. Wait, uh, actually that does kinda sound like real people America. Crap. Fine. Ignore that argument. 6. Getting rid of those toys was a necessary step to make sure that Pixar Andy wasn't going to become 40 Year Old Virgin Andy (same name is no coincidence!) and you know it. 7. Toy Story, great. Toy Story 2, even better. Toy Story 3, off the chain. But trying to act like Buzz is a cool outer space toy? Please. A Han Solo action figure in a pink fuzzy bathrobe is more masculine. So yeah, some of this is payback for no homage to the greatest toys, I mean action figures, of ALL TIME in any of those movies. 8. Sending them somewhere like the landfill teaches these toys survival skills that they'll need for the post-apocalypse era when Skynet and the machines take over. 9. I hear BP is going to plug the leak in the Gulf with toys they reclaim from landfills.
How's that? Didn't connect? Yeah, I'm sensing that none of these have quite convinced. I'm still feeling a glare and even thought I heard an *ahem*. Listen, I didn't want to do this, but I guess I have no choice. Here it is. This is the truth, I swear. The truth is, the whole bit about the toys talking and the feelings blah blah blah: ALL TRUE. The toys and I totally hang. Play poker. Watch the late night shows. Listen to some tunes. They're really pretty cool. I don't want to see them go, but I'm just trying to keep the Queso Grande in a good mood. If she wants less stuff around, so be it. But since I feel bad about just throwing my crew out in the street, I give them an out so we can still be together. I always offer to take them with me to my office. They invariably elect for an eternity sealed in a plastic bag instead.
One of my greatest pleasures is getting rid of junky toys, sorting through out grown toys, and giving away toys that aren't played with anymore. We don't go to mcdonald's but I would definitely consider that bin of happy meals toys, junk! Time to let go!!!
I definitely do not have this problem! I love to get rid of stuff. I don't usually throw toys away, unless they are total junk (read McD), but I love to sell them so I can buy new toys.
I was laughing so hard about the gray blob toy! I've no idea what he is but that is hilarious about him getting stuck in the car! We are similar, only I don't hold on to the Happy Meal toys....I hold on to a lot of other stuff though (no not a hoarder...shew!)
Hahahahaha! No, in fact, this is the second post I've read today about this subject. I get very attached to toys on behalf of my children ("but he use to LOVE this toy when he was a baby" -- no matter if he hasn't looked at it in three years). But I get a perverse pleasure in throwing away Happy Meal toys for some reason. Sort of like sticking it to the man or something.
My son and I also have trouble getting rid of toys. We are having a garage sale in a few weeks. If you ask hubby and I why, we'll say because the clutter is out of control. If you ask our son why, it's to make the last $20 he needs for the mega Star Wars Lego set he has been saving for since last fall.
I haven't gone through the tubs of toys I have stashed in the basement with my son, yet, but I'm hoping when we do, he comes up with more than three that he can part with.
@Lady J--I'm a vegetarian and even though I'm not entirely sure McD's meat is actually "real" meat, I ask for it to be left off. If you think about it, I'm actually ordering a grilled cheese (albeit one made with a bun), but don't ever tell a McD's employee that because OMG! their head will fall off from the confusion.
One of the most genius ideas I've ever heard of for Happy Meal Toys is hanging them on their very own Christmas tree for decorations. Maybe in the playroom. It gives them use ("we're here for Andy!") and justifies why you're saving them.
And yeh, the movie. Stellar. Awesome. Tear jerking. Guilt inducing. All of the above.
@burghbaby: Thanks for the explain- I'm a veggie too, and I thought maybe you could get a veggie burger instead and it was a secret.
@Lady J--If McD's were to finally embrace the veggie world (I'll take faux chicken over veggie burgers, though), I'd probably eat there every day. That said, Burger King veggie burgers taste like grilled ass dipped in chargrilled ass.
I'd respond to your tweets but my husband would read them and then I'd be busted. Here's the trick on purging your husband's stuff. Wait until he goes out of town and do a clean sweep. He'll have no idea what was missing b/c its not like he uses the stuff anyway. I've done this and it works. My mother in law has kept all of his toys in her house and will bring them over occasionally for the girls. I dread the day we have to help clean out her house. Old star wars action figures, little people ambulances. They all go right to goodwill. I need to purge more but I can't stand all the toys we have around.
I'm not trying to bring you down but you do know McDonald's fries are not vegetarian, right?
http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/nutritionexchange/ingredientslist.pdf page 5
THROW THEM ALL OUT!!! your kids only want to play with boxes, dirt and the hose anyway. Toys are there to make you feel like an idiot for buying them in the first place. That being said. I have teenagers and I still have a huge box of legos, the entire wooden train set, and a huge box of Barbies....So what do I know.
Karen
http://hohumcards.com
@Linda--Yup, I know. There was a huge law suit floating around about that very issue. I wonder whatever happened with it?
@Karen Robert--THAT is EXACTLY the problem. Alexis DOES play with every last toy in her playroom. She's apparently psychic and knows when I'm starting to eye one for dismissal because she will, inevitably, start playing with it before I can swoop in. The Happy Meal toys? Some of her favorites. Go figure.
I'm shocked that someone else has an Olivar & Company McD's toy..
It's a pretty cute collection. :)
@Sorg--I *think* I may have the entire set of Disney figurines that came in storybook boxes. I found two more last night after I hit publish.
It's not just you.
Just how in the world are we supposed to post a comment after the brilliant Andy T? I mean, no pressure or anything.
I, too, am a toy saver - and.... was at my worst when my oldest was my only (for many years - almost 8). Everything was saved and cleaned and put in its proper spot nightly. Now, I have 4 kids, and... well.... that is now impossible. My two youngests bring endless amounts of toys down the stairs and these toys become homeless, so... they go in buckets of random items that have no home on my first floor. In their bedrooms, nightly clean-up yields piles of toys being thrown in closets, toy boxes, under train tables, etc. It is now impossible to keep track of everything. At one time, I had all our Happy Meal toys (I LOVE the condiments on the cheeseburgers, btw - perfect mix of little dehydrated onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard, etc. - I also go meatless) in one little bin, and.... somehow..... they were all thrown out (one of our many moves, I think). I feel better because of it - less cluttered. Now... I just have to figure out where all these other little toys have come from..... And also loved Toy Story 3, btw - I took my three 5 and unders, and my oldest went with some middle and high school friends. Our audience applauded when it was done :-)
The Velveteen Rabbit started this belief in me many, many years ago, but like you it was exacerbated by Toy Story (though I haven't seen the new one yet). I have been able to assuage the guilt by making donations to Goodwill - I know that the toys will get a good home there, I just KNOW it. (I hope).
I still have the stuffed WishBear CareBear that I was given at my first birthday party. He is SO very much worse for the wear and looks every day of his 25 years. Madeline has recently fallen in love with him and he's now in her crib. I like to think that he's happy there. :)
(I'm so glad I'm not alone in this brand of crazy).
OMG how I love this post so very, very much!!
I have a drawer full of kids meal toys, and I don't even have any kids.
Oh yeah, ha. Never throwing away anything ever again. I don't care. I WOULD HAVE KEPT WEEZY. OMG WEEZY. But, really, I had plans to keep all of our Cars, Thomas and Toy Story toys ANYWAY for my future, hypothetical grandchildren. Now? Nothing goes. We need a storage space or something.
I think my SIL has every Happy Meal toy EVER made. Thanks to Goodwill. Seriously, she could give you a run for your money. And be proud of it. :)
I can't WAIT to take the boys to see TS3 - we plan to go this weekend!
You should just watch Child's Play with Chucky, then you'll be cured. :-D
so i've been on a little bit of a blog vacation for the last two months thanks to our sweet new little one, but was told that I HAD to come read your furry post...but this is the one that made me laugh the hardest!
We OWN that little brown blob still only because my 2 year old son thinks it's hilarious and has since he was a baby and it came in his big sisters HM. Now, because he has loved it for so long, i can't throw mr.farter(as we call him) away...*sigh* ...i did however finally get rid of those scary star wars talking heads...it only took 3 or 4 (or more) tries...my husband kept seeing them in the trash and taking them out, thinking our little guy tossed them...
I won't lie, i tossed the toy my daughter got from BK last night though... my 6yo needs nothing twilight related!
thanks for the laughs again today!!
When my parents had a garage sale after my brother and I left for college, the first thing that went were the McDonald's Chicken Nugget figurines. I think they sold one for $5. Apparently very collectible. Do some research (in your spare time - ha!) and sell those things!