I Have a Question
"Oh, honey, you should be at home."
"Back in my day, women didn't leave the house for a month."
"Goodness, you shouldn't be out and about."
Variations on a theme. I've been hearing those things and more for over week now. Apparently, if you have a baby, you're supposed to stay home for weeks on end? Or so I hear.
For what it's worth, I'm REALLY bad at sitting around and doing nothing. Epically bad at it, actually. The second you tell me I have to stay home, I have the very urgent need to go absolutely anywhere. If I am at home, I want to pull weeds, pick up Alexis' six billion pairs of shoes that are scattered all over the house ... anything, really. I'll do anything to not sit still.
Not helping matters is the Drive Thru Eater. She who only has sleep on the brain is erratic with her eating schedule, which creates dilemmas in that whole "supply/demand" thing that is breast feeding. It created an urgent need to run to a store and find a pump when she wasn't yet a week old because SERIOUSLY, CHILD.
And that is how I ended up at Target with a six-day old.
And getting lectured by a stranger about how I shouldn't be there.
Which leads me to wonder, where did the whole "stay home" thing come from? I found oodles and oodles of messages boards (like this one) with people debating the issue. It seems that opinions are all over the place.
(Mine: If you're feeling up to it, go out. It's cool. I will admit, however, that if anyone so much as tries to breathe on my kid, I will turn into a fire-breathing dragon and chase them away. Don't even try to touch her. That creates a whole other kind of monster. Keep your germs to yourselves, peoples.)
What I couldn't find was any sort of explanation as to why. Because babies and germs are a terrible combination? I agree that they are. See also: fire-breathing dragon lady.
Is it because nobody looks their best the first few weeks after having a baby? Which, screw that. And a big HOLLA! to Kate Middleton for not hiding the post-partum belly thing.
WHY, INTERNET, WHY?
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Reader Comments (25)
I always heard it was because their immune systems aren't fully developed. Old wives tale?
so perfect, just like you were, beautiful ..A.C.
Looking at the subject from a mom and a nurse I see both sides of the coin. If mom and infant are healthy and are good going out that is fine, but I do see some moms who are exhausted and feel they are expected to be out entertaining and showing the baby to all people at all times (especially around the holidays) when they just want to be home. I tell them stay home and blame it on the nurse or doc (our docs say 6 weeks here, longer for preemies). For the moms who are sick of being in the house and want to go.. I tell them go! As with most issues, it is up to how mom and baby are doing and really no-ones business at all :) With a second baby there is very little chance you could stay home all the time anyway as the oldest will keep you moving even if you don't want to!
I found that I healed much quicker after my c-sections if I resumed normal activity ASAP! I did keep mine away from stores for the first 4 weeks but they were all small/preemie and 2 were born during cold/flu season. HOWEVER, I don't feel like that should be a standard rule for everyone. Every situation is different!
It's an Asian thing that my mom is trying to enforce when I have a baby. However the confinement is more for the mom than the baby. From what I can tell its supposed to help the woman heal and there are all these things that a mom can't do postpartum so that she won't develop health problems later in life. None of it seems to actually be based in science so I tend to see it as old wives tales.
Be thankful you are not in India! Here no stepping out of the house for 40 days! No washing your hair for 13 days! And keeping your head covered for ALL THE TIME for the first 4-6 weeks! Today is the 11th day, and I am sick of staying indoors. A stroll on the terrace is the only outing I and my little man get for now..
Oh btw, my little guy arrived on 3rd june, a month and 2 days before the due date...
The comments are cracking me up! Everyone has their own theories. I always thought it was a Catholic thing. You weren't supposed to take the baby out until after the baptism. Our doc always said it was a bunch of hooey. Go.
I took my nine day old daughter to a water theme park for the morning. She and her 4 year older brother share a birthday so we anted to do something special just for him. Baby didn't mind at all. She slept or fed on expressed breast milk the whole time while Dad and brother ran around. In fact she seemed to enjoy the fresh air. My Doc was fine that we went as she said as long as Mom and baby are healthy then you should be out and about. She was back at work 3 weeks after having her little one with the baby and a carer in tow.
Both of my boys were born during flu season and that's why my doctor told me to stay in. I didn't. But you know.
I'm just in awe of what people think they are allowed to say to a perfect stranger! The most I would say is "Oh look, the new hasn't worn off" in that awwlookatthebaby kind of voice. There is no way I would touch a newborn unless invited and I know where my hands have been. Just.kills.me
Heaven only knows - our daughter's pediatrician told her they shouldn't take the baby anywhere for 8 weeks!
We took our first baby to a huge outdoor wedding two days after we came home from the hospital. We were the first of our friends to become parents, so everyone held that kid.
I will never get over the idea that perfect strangers feel free to lecture other people about what they are doing.
I don't understand this at all. I wasn't like this with my first, but am surely not like this with my second. She's only 3 months and we've been all over. We stopped for lunch on the way home from the hospital because I was starving and the hospital food sucked! She went to the beach when she was 2 weeks old - perfect white noise for sleeping :-) Everyone kept saying oh my gosh how old is she and wow you have her out. Well it was spring break for my oldest so we couldn't just sit at home all week! Life goes on with a baby!
I wasn't allowed to drive for awhile (c-section) so I was mostly trapped. But I don't remember any one medically trained telling me not to take her out. Sabrina wasn't yet 2 and has NO patience for staying home so I'm sure we ran errands when Daddy was home to drive just to get her out a little. I do remember being pissed at my ped's office for making me sit in the waiting room full of germy kids with my 5 day old infant for 40 minutes. I kept her in a wrap on my chest so that strangers couldn't even think about touching her. I don't think I even let her head poke out of the wrap for the first couple of weeks.
I was out with both of my newborns fairly early - as soon as I was out of the hospital with Bee (2nd baby, braver mommy). It worked for me, and we were healthy. Think it's like the rest of parenting - you do what works for you and yours and try your hardest to block all the other opinions out.
totally based on a religious thing. all about needing to have the baby baptized before spending lots of time in the big, bad, scary world...and it usually took about a month to get the baby baptized.
meanwhile, any god that would refuse a baby due to the parents' scheduling is not a god that i want to know, but whatever.
if you feel that you don't need rest, because it is all about your recovery, then go the hell aht. whatever works for you and mila!
Do what's best for you and baby. I will be the one cooing from a distance at the little bundle of joy! But won't get within fire breathing range....
I was hardcore judging you when you posted the pictures of Mila at the science center, but then I realized the voice in my head was that of my grandmother. Times have changed in the 80 years since she had babies. You’re one of the best parents I know and if you thought it was ok then I trust your judgment.
My sis would have gone batshit crazy if somebody would have forced her to stay home. She did avoid indoor places with lots of cramped in people, but who likes those places anyway? But a walk, visiting friends, going to the playground (together with the first born) all this happened right away and everybody was more than fine.
Hannah was born May 1. 3 months later she was wearinga hearing protection headset and attened her first (little) rock festival. The kid is over a year now and a healthy trooper.
I think it totally depends on the circumstances. Early baby and mom who had issues during delivery/postpartum? Yeah, hanging out at home to protect baby's immune system and letting mom rest/recover a little longer might be wise. Healthy, full term baby and healthy mom who feels up to getting out? Go for it!
(Honestly, hospitals--where a lot of babies are born and spend their first days of life!--have way more germs than being out & around other people at normal public places... just thinking as a former RN. ;)
You're a great mom and both of your daughters are amazing. Hope Mila gets on a better eating schedule soon!
Postpartum is for mom, not baby! For our own urinary continence, really 😀 but if I could go to target, I totally would.
I don't think you did anything wrong. I know you well enough that no stranger would be handling mila likewise breathe on her. If you feel up to going out with your girls then do so. You are their mother and people shouldn't be worrying about strangers or their newborns or tell them what should or should not be done. Btw nana's little princess looks beautiful. Go out do some shopping and enjoy yourself you have your babies best interest at heart
What I heard fairly recently was "5 days in the bed, 5 days on the bed, 5 days near the bed." And although I heard this phrase months after my son was a newborn, other than pediatrician visits, I pretty much did just that.
See on the other hand I was all sorts of jacked up after delivery (spinal headache and more, I couldn't stand long enough to change a diaper without getting sick) and wished I could have just stayed home for a month but there was so much pressure to 'go' 'do' 'visit'
I don't think there's anything wrong with you taking the tiny human anywhere. I did turn into a fire breathing dragon if anyone tried to touch her tho. I found keeping her in a carrier was good for warding off unwanted hands and faces.
our first outing was for breakfast at cracker barrel at a week old. The next week my mom drove me to the mall since I still couldn't drive yet...the horror!
Attitudes come and go on that. Twenty years ago I worked for a year at the Borders in Bethel Park. It was common for new mom's to stop on their way home from the hospital, baby in tow, to pick up a couple of books.