I Have Learned My Lesson. Promise.

I failed.

At the start of every school year, I go through the calendar and mark all of the in-service, holidays, and random days off. The goal is to have a plan for all of those days so that the children (*cough* Mila *cough*) are not left to set the house on fire while I try to work. In the olden days before COVID (that was like six decades ago, right?) it SUPER mattered because I needed to go to an actual office and couldn't leave anyone at home alone.

It still matters, though. Even now that I stay home every day, it matters. And yet, I FAILED. I didn't mark the damn calendar and I completely forgot that we still live in a world that thinks Christopher Columbus is worth a day of respect.

Spoiler alert: He's not. That's been SUPER clear to me for a very long time. It slapped me in the face when I lived in Spain for my senior year of high school and some people in my class drilled me on why Americans were so stupid about the guy they referred to as "gilipollas." It's not a compliment, by the way. They completely didn't understand why we seemingly worship a guy who was stripped of all his honor at the time when he was still alive.

ANYWAY.

I totally forgot. Mila and Alexis were home all day. Alexis is so very 15 right now so she was basically -424897613894 help when it came to entertaining her little sister. That means I had a Mila looking for chaos.

Sometimes she finds genuine fun instead of chaos. Like today, she looked out the window, saw her friends next door, and was like, "CAN I GOOOOO?"

It was 8:00 am. They were on their deck in pajamas. Mila was still in pajamas. There were a million reasons the answer was "No," and all of them rhymed with ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO, NOT RIGHT NOW.

So that made Mila super happy. Or, like, the opposite of it. She threw a fit the size of Texas, which was super fun in the middle of my one-on-one with a direct report. Nothing says responsible adult quite like Mila screaming from across the hall while I steadily ignore the behavior.

It got better.

Once Mila realized screaming was getting her nowhere, she decided to use her words. Except, instead of saying her words, she wrote her words. She started passing my Post-It Notes with messages written on them. Now, Mila is in second grade. She is firmly planted in the land of "Writes like a serial killer." It's all block letters, adorable misspellings, and ... serial killer handwriting.

So, I ended up with notes that say things like, "RESPOND NOW" and "WI KANT I JUST PLAY WITH THEMM?" AND "I WANT TO PLAY WITH MY FRENDS." The words are accompanied with little sketches of angry faces and ... victim faces? I think there is one that is a picture of me after Mila finishes destroying me for not caving after the first five notes. It's extremely not nice is what I'm saying.

So if you're wondering if my children truly understand the spirit of Columbus Day, clearly the answer is yes. One of them thinks she should spend the day terrorizing an innocent woman. The other kid ignores all of the atrocities and keeps doing whatever makes her happy.

It's all so very American.