I Used to Love that Car
I've been doing a lot of laying low recently, but there was that ONE errand that couldn't wait and couldn't be delegated. Alexis and I piled into the car and headed out, with full intentions of taking care of that exact one thing and then heading home.
It was a beautiful, sunny day -- the first day when shorts and a tank top were a good idea, but an open sunroof and windows rolled down were an even better idea. We were singing along with Pharrell's "Happy," Alexis' current jam, when she grew quiet.
Quiet is never good. I should have known that.
Just when the quiet lulled me into that happy place you find with the windows down and radio blasting. Alexis suddenly yelled out the scariest words she had ever uttered, "MOM! I LOST MY TOOTH!" She yelled it with the intensity someone would yell "FIRE!" or "RUN! A BEAR!" for good reason.
Have I mentioned that I can't stand teeth that aren't firmly planted in a mouth? BECAUSE I CAN'T. Alexis knows it. In fact, she often tries to blackmail me into doing things by threatening to wiggle a loose tooth if I don't.
It doesn't work, but it comes close.
I was rattled to the core. I mean, A TOOTH. IT FELL OUT OF HER FACE. Fortunately, we were close to home so my pleas to remain oblivious to what the hot mess in the back seat looked like were met with agreement.
And then we pulled into the driveway.
Alexis whipped off her seatbelt, stood up, and reached around the seat to try to shove her mangled hunk of disgustingness in my face. But before she could, things got worse. SO MUCH WORSE.
It turns out that there are scarier words than "I lost my tooth." They are "I dropped my tooth." In my car. And I'm pretty sure it bounced off of my shoulder on its way to who knows where because SERIOUSLY, ALEXIS COULDN'T FIND IT.
I couldn't cope with the thought of a mangled tooth sitting somewhere in my car, just waiting for me to accidentally discover it and DIE BECAUSE OMG GROSS. I talked the husband into helping with the search. Alexis and he spent 30 minutes looking for that stupid thing.
There was a point when I considered slipping up on the whole Tooth Fairy thing since that was certainly a driving force behind the desperate search, but then I remembered that I really did want it to be found. I wanted it to be found so badly that I actually got annoyed when Alexis was distracted from her mission because she became obsessed with the idea of cleaning the car. I reminded her to search and search and search some more.
She failed.
Despite Alexis' desperation, the tooth was nowhere to be found. Somewhere in the depths of that interior, a tooth is lurking. Waiting. Plotting against me.
I'm going to have to get a new car, aren't I?
Monday, April 14, 2014
Reader Comments (7)
Burn. The. Car.
The problem is that you never know when that tooth is going to bite you on the ass.
Can I just say that it totally cracks me up that there is a giant ad on the right hand side of your blog for a bacon wrapped baked egg recipe?
Okay, I am still giggling. In solidarity, I swear! ;-)
@Nikki--You can totally say it cracks you up. You'd think the magic voodoo of Internet ads would have car ads there instead.
My twins each have double teeth problems with their permanent teeth crowding the baby teeth. It's gross. Then, one of them tells me before dinner tonight that she lost one of the double teeth.... Which, yay! Because now we have less to bug the dentist about. But ew!! Because she lost it while eating a Tootsie Roll. I feel you, sister.
i have no problem with the teeth that kids lose. she can drop a few in my vehicle if she will please come clean it.