I'm Going To Get Some Amazing Google Searches For This One.
Mr. Husband has a very special skill in life, a special skill that constantly drives me absolutely out of my mind. He's really good at ruining songs.
Really, really good at it.
He changes the lyrics to pretty much every song, always managing to find the lowest possible gutter. For example, the lyrics to "Hole-Hearted" by Extreme should be, "There's a hole in my heart . . ." He changes them to, "There's a hole in my butt that can only be filled by you."
I KNOW! That song will be forever ruined for you. You're welcome.
Not all of his lyric changes are quite so . . . let's go with disturbing. Yeah, disturbing. Some of them are sort of funny. For example, "Stand by Your Man," should start out "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman." Instead, his version goes, "Sometimes it's hard to be a wombat." That's not so bad.
But his rendition of "Like a Virgin," is that bad. He changes it to, "Like a Penis." Go ahead, sing the first couple of lines to yourself.
Welcome to my world. It's very dark and scary here.
Mr. Husband's need to ruin every song ever written is EXACTLY why I can't even look at the Mother's Day gift that Alexis made at school. I should love it. I should cherish it. I should think it's absolutely amazing.
But when I see, "You are the wind beneath my wings," across the bottom, all I can think about is, "You are the wind beneath my sheets."
Thanks a lot, Mr. Husband.
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Thank you all so much for your comments on the previous post. Y'all are the bestest and then some.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Reader Comments (25)
Oh boy..I think your hubs and my hubs are soon to be BFFs. I read him your post, and he was all "all yeah, dutch oven baby!"
Oh MY God - that is hysterical!!!!!!
Ha!
Ha! That made my night! NOW I can go to sleep. Thank you. :-)
It's just something we men need to do. Nothing sacred...
No matter how old we get, no matter how advanced our degree, no matter how high we climb on the business or social ladder, we will always make and laugh at fart jokes.
hilarious! that just made my morning!
Sometimes it's hard to be a wombat!!! You just made my morning. I'll be using that one!
Oh my gosh, my husband does that ALL the time! It drives me crazy. Come to think of it, my dad used to do that too. Maybe it's a guy thing. ;)
That is totally a guy thing! Also, my boys do it, too (although their versions are, uh, slightly less disturbing - but usually filled with poop and farts). Ah, men! Gotta love 'em!
Hahahahaha! I thought my husband was bad, but I think yours has him beat!
I have to admit, I am the lyric changer in my house. I don't typically get so crude though. I do it to entertain my kids and they love it. And I don't think I will ever hear any of those songs you mentioned quite the same way again, especially "Like a Virgin." Eww.
Hehe, that's pretty funny. He should write a book.
I'm absolutely cracking up at my desk. Mr. Husband is pretty darn funny (but I definitely won't tell him that; you don't need his ego stroked, right?).
Side note - Deacon's with me at work right now & he just pointed to the picture of Alexis & shouted "PRETTY!"
Ugh! I think our husbands are related. No, Paul doesn't try to ruin lyrics, he just points out every single guitar flaw ever made (that's what I get for marrying a guitar teacher). They both have the same kind of humor too. I swear, what are they 12. (Hugs)Indigo
ROTFLMAO! Seriously, yours and mine must be brothers. Mine, while mutilating song lyrics, can also do a mean Dr Seuss imitation for the right causes. Children's show's theme songs, Toad's graduation, cat inspired lyrics...the list is endless! He's especially proud of himself when he manages a funny one and then sings it to me for DAYS, until I have to threaten him bodily injury.
And yes, it does ruin a good many songs.
My husband does the same thing!!!! But more so with Christmas Carols and to EMS knowledge. Ie Walking in a winter wonderland is Driving my hearse accross the land.
oh...boy...
You see, in our family *I* am the song ruiner. However, it's totally unintentional. I just apparently have trouble understanding the English language.
For years I thought:
"I gotta find me a brand new lover" was "I gotta buy me a brand new oven"
"The Boys of Summer" was "The Poisoned Summer"
and so on. The Husband loves to make fun of me as I listen to the radio for the sheer bizarrness of my lyrics.
I wish i had the ability to do it purposely. He is skilled.
I just gotta know...are our husbands related?? That's scary a little. Haha...
I busted out laughing at work! Thank you for those gems, Mr. Husband!
My hubby does the same thing. Fortunately, he's got many tame made-up lyrics which he does in front of the kids. My daughter now also makes up funny lyrics to songs, some of which are really quite inventive!
I'd get along great with your husband. I have the sense of humor of a child. My husband loves to make up songs about farts for the girls, but your hubs songs sound much funnier!
Great - at every recital from now until the end of time, while the other moms are getting teary-eyed, I will be holding (barely) muffled laughter and warding off evil glares from the other parents. Thanks, Mr. Husband.
My hubby has the same sort of annoying habit. And now that we have a little guy and he needs to remember the real words to songs - HE CAN'T! Ugh. All of his songs are made up. And I am not even going to tell him about the wind beneath the sheets. :)
Um, does he at least have a good singing voice, because I would hate for you to have to endure those lyrics sung poorly yet?
That man cracks me up. If I were him, I'd hang that beautimus little plate front and center in the kitchen. Or prop it on the bathroom sink. Or better yet - place it lovingly on your nightstand. Yeh, right there by the sheets.
OH MY GOSH. Dan does this same thing. I cannot even REPEAT some of the disgusting songs he's come up with. It's... horrifying.
BOYS.
Yup. My hubby does the same. Only his lyrics are typically dirtier. 'Cept Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer. That he sings in Bobby's voice.